When things are easy enough to do

     Hello. I don't know what I am doing right now , but I think I am writing something.  Looks like my words are too simple to say sometimes and I can't find a better way to write better things like this. I maybe struggle when I want to say an idea, but then I wonder if I can only do it again. 

In fact, I'm having a weird time. Trying to write while the taxi drives me home...

     It could be a crazy thing to do that, but in order to get a good idea, I will  have to do it this way. I will  continue posting regardless of what I  can receive as retribution,  or at least one or more ways to convince people I'm still here.

     And after a day or two trying to write something, I guess it's time for an addition to the data, and a little bit of information. I'm going to redact what are going to be my next postings on here, and I think I have enough elements to make a new design. Not structural design, but at least the background and the header of the blog. Hope to do something good this year. :3

I can't sleep

And I don't know if that matters.

I feel like a trembling in my emotional zone. Disruption of area by the Impact of a Message, a blow of the mind of someone who can easily throw those ideas effectively without hesitation and doubt. My counter response was nullified, was stopped by my own Resource of Equilibrium before the action was made.

Why could be that, the Internet, having a wide variety of sorts, can be limited on the actions in real life?
The actions made in real life are much huge than the Internet can recollect. Basically all the same thing. Kinda gloomy the last statement. That's why people give meanings and think about it.

A bunch of data saved on servers made by people, the fact that the people have made it has its own repercussions, both in space, and in time, in popularity, and importance by the ones who pointed to that data. Some people don't realize it, what that data could affect in others' minds. I can maintain my own position by the fact that this blog is still ongoing, since its start. But it's popularity isn't as great as others.

I could say nothing is more important than the fact I was making the things wrong since start. Insecurity after insecurity, after a desperation to write something, to express myself, to let out everything of myself, to give all to destroy all those bindings who were limiting myself, emotional and mentally. And also my ability to write things without saying to much. And receive appreciation, and kindness, and nice words, and pageviews, at least if someone could have seen it. It's a plus.

And, I still think that my world that is outside of the screen of the Digital World is still uncomfortable, because mainly all what I do here is not projecting  to the Real World, I don't know if my family sees what I do, or what I have done.

I was thinking about having the first 100 drawings I've made so far, and print them, give them a webpage, kind of a showing case/portfolio, even if there're not as professional, or not even in the hobbyist notation, or maybe it might be. Then show it in a place where they can see what I draw, only because it's fun to me to draw. But even I am afraid of showing this to most of the people I know.

I tried, but I think I need to try harder.

But I hope to continue, at least fulfilling this year's resolutions, that aren't clearly made but I can show them.

And then we have another year:

Alternative Title: Hello 148th post... >////<

And I should address that I haven't got the time to make a final post of the year, where I should have made the stats of the year. I should do it right now.
(I just need to get into my mind how I made the last one)

Since May 1st 2011 I have published with this a total of 148 posts, trying to explain my progressive actions of life about being shy and trying to expose and express myself to the world, sharing what I see and what I learn from you.
Having DeviantArt, twitter, Tumblr deleted but its going to going online again, and other related User-name things, my stand upon the name of Erick Medina as a "Standard Nerd Boy" has provided me motivation to follow my life into making nice things.

Now I have 4 stories, I should make more, maybe double it. I had like 3006 page views overall, minus the 1251 of the overall of last year, so last year was the most visited. The 2 most visited blog post of this year were, "A Majora's Mask Post", and the poem post "The sound of Silence"

Expectation was to finish last year with 128 posts, but time shortage and a lot of things to do (including developer's work >///<) made me wanted to ending in 64 posts, but I just got 51.
What I'll do is, make 12 more posts including this, what I'll name: "The posts I'll should do time ago", in which I would do some posts I could have done at certain age of my life, I'm having a bit of an issue if I plan to do it once in a month, because, of maybe not, if I double again to 128 post expectation, for each month at most I should do 11 posts, so, 12 posts a month is going to be fine. And we could finish it the end of the year at 256 posts. Hehe such a binary nerd >///<

First thing to think is ask if I'll change my background of this post. And then do it, make a little layout change. And think for the first 12 posts of this month. It's January the 5th so we're going to start at a great pace :3 Hope now it works, or maybe I'll try to make a variation if possible.

So, have a nice good year and hope to see you here more often :3

Family Matters

     I don't usually talk about my family, therefore the use of the word,. I usually referrer it as a near position, a point in which there are people who exists the nearest form myself. my parents, my brothers. those are my family. the first social position i have, the near position most available at my own disposition, the ones who stay to maintain in our own reality as  a unity,  and a initiative of support for no apparent reason because we know each other more than everybody.
     Though, my family is weird in some way other families have more in common. And if comparing families may be common and not to be considered for obvious reasons, it's the same reason I am what I am now. Sounds weird that I couldn't get out of my normal self to liberate myself from the clutches of the near position, but what I think it can be of help is that I know the way I'm living in this place has to be more interactive, or at least more social.  
     But then, my relatives's other families and how they live. I don't know it at all. And that's what it worries me. They should be a certain chain of gossip on what's going on with my parents' other brothers and sisters and how they handle all those situations in life. I simply don't know it, because, my parents won't give too much detail. Both of them.
    Though I know this position will maintain even after the disbanding of the first social position, I'll talk about it, because... everybody talks about it...? I don't know if people think of that possibility, that the data will transcend the time and space, and that it will still maintain its power and emotion, as if it were a book.
     My living isn't as great, and people would say, 'but me neither is as great...', and that can't be debatable. I know I have things others don't have, and that we people worry about those things we don't have. One of those is, I don't know much of my other cousins, and other far relatives. We don't live all in the same area, everyone has different parts in which they live. In fact, we're the ones who left....
     Thinking that my brothers once were the best, that we played the same games, and done the same things, but as for now, we have different worlds, and we hardly speak with each other, it has been a lot of years.... I once tried to be with them and trying to understand them, but the connection wasn't as successful as I wanted.... Being the one who wants to interact with the others, despite my Introverted capacity, it has been very tough....
 

"Great Support Gathering Motion", a rambling of sort...

... kinda....

Another thing I wrote, this time it was from one year ago. It may apply though...


"I need your help.

It's just a matter of a minute or two of your attention in order to obtain valuable motivational words of wisdom from you. There are some points of my life that were left behind unfinished, some rupture between all a timeline that were corrupted and never repaired. Some points that I have been carrying all the time that weren't useful to make new changes. I'm trying to repair all of them. 

Also the motivational wisdom will be able to unlock most of the blocked memories and inhibitions so the light on the Position can shine brighter like the time before all those weird things happened around me. If I couldn't get on you the same way you do on others, it's because of some blocked motion.

I know I can't tell everything in order to make attention, and I know I wouldn't use my experiences so I can get something, but it is just a moment of attention that I lacked sometimes... I didn't want to say it, but sometimes I feel that loneliness covers around me, and I feel kinda sad about it. I know that I can recover from it whatever I want, but I just don't want to live that way if I know I can be more than what I am right now.

I know also that I don't demand friendship a lot, even if people seems to be the ones who want to be heard, caring less to others. I know if I keep this is because I can live with that, but I know that it will be one time that I would not stand upon that living.

I don't know what to obtain from all this, I just know I'm different from all the people, and that if I have to do those kind of actions in order to make an attention to everyone, just to make a great repair, is because I'm just a different person, who lived different things, and thought different ideas...

I just want to do the things better, but resources seems to lack on me, I just couldn't get all the info to make a good sharing, so maybe I'm not the best on all this. I know people care. I know people are social. I know I can overcome all this, and then renew myself.

So yeah. I can give you motivations, like this: Just be happy and do what you need to do!

I feel my shyness is getting less prominent, even though is nice to act awkward to silly moments. Maybe I don't care less of what I do, people seems to consider my way of life, I guess..., so after I feel from the wisdom of you that I'm just in the right direction, a little change and be clear to be a better person. And so make a great consideration to you, like you do to other people.

Have a nice day!"


Curious enough it has a different font :P

Time passes again, a rambling of sort

I'll leave this because I can.

    The position of motion knows better its unbalanced position after several bumps on the wall with the head, that the things left unnoticed were increasing its own eventual meaning, covering all elements of a single group and fulfilling with the glow of life they have.

    Of course I have my own group, being one element on the list, but if a proper understanding of what it is to be part of a group is overpowered what it seems to be the real thing about social groups, I should have done more to really make believe those in which position we are, and in which situation pushed me in order to make that noticeable in me. 

    We are all different, yet, the same in one thing.
Yet, why I feel like I'm not doing the best thing...?
What's missing? Or what's this feeling I have that always I'm not satisfied...?
And even if I know what's wrong, what's the answer, I still feel to tell about it?

    Because that answer is the thing I can't rely, the thing that is the reaction of what others think and say after I place beside them what I think about....

    Somehow that feeling of receiving appraisal is SO wonderful, I just wanted to receive it everyday to the ones I care the most. And the shattering of dimensions was deep enough to lose myself into the horizon, finding in the unknown that affection needed.

    A-and, even so, my usual nature of myself seems too low t-to reclaim that repressed part, that for s-so many others, they seems t-too natural to do. T-that's maybe one of the main reasons people don't doubt in say on what to think and to explore a little bit more of t-themselves, and why they can extend their world without a-any worries, having the security that if something happens, t-they can talk about it. 

Because they'll eventually find the response from them.....