In the same creativity line

     I felt like writing on this blog again, even though I updated  my username status to CosmicNerdBoy, the little astronaut lost between cosmical signals of light. Now that the position of Motion has a more reliable and specific path and a proper direction. I felt more than excited to follow through that path and start placing creativity more seriously.
     It has been, though, demanding for me to really schedule all that stuff and time to really make some of my creations to shine and to share what I can place to show to people and stuff. Things like work and not being able to decide on a path are sure obstacles that I tried to face off last year. I came up in good conditions, ending up in a level up evolution that would help me better forsee the situation ahead for this year to come.
     Looking more for people, creative people, people that made an effort to show themselves, people that keep it up everyday despite their own obstacles, I understood the importance to place foot when facing them. Even if they can be kind and friendly, they all have that rush and aggressive power to respond towards creative motion and elements that would say we made something productive today.
     They won't stop, and they shouldn't be doing so. Even when  you talk to them and don't respond, one clear thing is they have using their time creating, imaging, thinking in galaxies and practicing their next act or performance. And they will show it up eventually, in a form of meteor, cosmical form of great power. Among the stars, the moon and their cosmic particles. A meteor is strong of force and speed. They can't overcome the light power of the stars, but their movement and trajectory makes them kinda unpredictable to maneuver. They can appear everywhere, and they can impact in places not known to central.
     That's why we were prepared to face that, maybe towards something one can feel adapted to show off, by creating and sharing, by learning new techniques, and by knowing what to do and how much time we have for it.
    This last thing, time, is one to be used wisely, carefully. No one can know what things can happen after this time, after the here and now. One needs to know their possibilities, their options, their alternates, and the renovations, in order to know what to do on those situations, without losing conviction and will to keep creating. Know what to do on the right situation and retribution will come.
     All of this I learned from talking and get to know creative people the last year, how they interact and how they show their power to shine. They would say, what you get quantitatively towards your creations aren't as much important. But at the end of the year they show off those values as retributions, maybe to see they have strength of conviction to get to meet more people. Whatever they show up on their accounts might not be of relative, but at least it's good to know that kind of value, despite having to face that, risking that it might be so overwhelming. If you use it at your benefit it can be of good parameter for your own creations. Therefore, knowing more creative people, talking to them or not, will  help us to achieve our own goals. And if any doubt, they will notice it by what we do.
      With that said, let's start 2018 with good energy. I might have been backtracking a lot of stuff but this time I can boost up my numbers to really be up to date with everything :B

After that moment

After that moment I realized
how stupid I am letting my guard down upon a moment of Outrageous Distortion just to see the damage was done...

I don't want feel the Great Wide Bonding Protection to be shattered by little by things I can't handle... by events I can't even control...!

It's NOT the TIME for THAT! Why that happened? It's supposed to protect all of Base Position the source of power of the Central Position...

Only Final Time would fade it away by little and that's normal, but that directly corrupt the Base Position to the root is unforgivable...!

I felt that once since the Wide Protection started its function, but this time, it was on a nearer bonding distance than mine...!

I'm scared, because of the similar stats of the bonding, unconditional follower of indirect data flowing, but now no flow could be received.

I shouldn't have worried

but it made me so

because the protection covered that area

and now it has a fissure

untouchable by anyone anymore..

If that's the harsh way, well

I didn't know

it just proves I still can't grasp reality

the real one

that is way more that I can cover myself

And that

the Great Wide Bonding Protection

isn't immune to those kind of attacks

cruel movements of reality

that unusually shatters my heart

I'm just a boy

oblivious to the world

submerged into my own

shy on inside, awkward on outside

timid to ask, to join,and to be noticed too...

My power wants to protect everyone I know

so that people can be happy

so that people know there's someone

who can give motivation to all....

Blue astonishment

Blue astonishment, the misunderstanding of a world that lies outside your world, you still believe that the world is one and everyone is in the same thing together as one. You might be right, but it's just I don't feel it that way. If I were in a same world, I wouldn't feel so different from others.

We're humans, I can know that context well. But the mind has developed a concept of a 'world' definition, and even if 'planet' of 'Earth' could be the same as world, all of what happened has made me a little bit way out of the world, the world everyone seem like it's common to hang out and rely on people and things and goals and events.

I look above and see that invitation of joining that commonness that is their life, their society, their own collective 'world', their worlds shrunken to give a new level of understanding, a social understanding. Their same voice call and the same sound of communication, they talk a language I can't even comprehend....
As fear fills my mind, knowing the reality of things, I know my expectations are way too short, overcome by others illusions passed on by generations and developed by their tremendous amount of social experience they had in their lives.

And here I am, trapped in a world where everyone thinks you're like this, and they they don't care anymore about you, trying to continue struggling in their lives. In a close world where everyone thinks by themselves, a boy wants to get out of his own bubble and look away to the world they live, but even if he doesn't want to lose his own world, he wants to save it, in a form of Light, a condensed light, a shiny star.

Hidden emotions want to be shout out in a way or another way, avoiding to say Help!, avoiding to say Save Me!, because this nonsense 'world' of myself is changing in tremendous directions I'm getting dizzy about it, eventually I'll get tired about all of this. Beaten by the seemingly always event to overcoming some little problem that comes and goes and it's as simple as noticing it. But at the same time, I don't know if I want to be noticed....

They see me, in a way, they have talked about me, in a way, they somehow know me, in a way. But why I haven't done that otherwise? The answer is shyness, and coping with all I think, what others think, and how can I understand better the world, maybe in the way they see it. Somehow I ask, made questions from far away, and try to be better each day.

But then they show themselves, and everything changes, I have to let them know somehow to make some little disruption, to make them understand it's not only them, and their world, somehow I have to let them know I'm still here, and even if suffering will come in this great life step, a very last invitation not to only be part of a social structural node, but to really be part of a position of bonding energy flow and a great generation of motion will decide if I can be still part of their world, and its natural structure of culture.

I see everyone fill the screen with windows, open to the one who wills to talk to them, I just have to decide which ones has a great importance to be happy, and thank the rest who once were part of my life experience, even if I just learnt a little....

I still have so much to learn time is not to waste it.
I don't know what to expect, just to look above and see,
up there, someone might have the answer, or he might not,
it's a matter of truly have strength on myself, and carry on....

Luminous Entity

"One, 1, the dot that follows after a strong argument.  The node, a point that connects with other nodes. a wandering node who extends its arms to reach others.

A moment, indication of focus that far behind gets the distance of the goal to reach. one goal, one objective, only one person to get, one person to meet, one person to know better, myself....

A single entity, whose starting state is null, is conditioned, tested, evaluated, they don't want null entity; it's created, filled with attributes, data, functions, constructed and packed as a single entity, much components, only a single representation.

Then it's shown to the world, as only one thing, it's easy to find. object.getInstance(), ask again where is the object, then they respond, it's here, and the world sees again the vision of a single portion of data....

The one behind the window, behind the monitor, behind the wall that keeps it in, the being, inside a box, unrelated to anything in this world, to himself, to his relatives, to his bonds, to his experiences, nothing was belonging to him...

My comfort zone, a confined space, nothing else to satisfy than to make sure all around me is free of harm, free of emotion, free of guiltiness, free of  all those things that can get you down... All those years I've been like this, no one seemed to notice that. I was trapped inside this physical thing called body; my beliefs and insecurities, my suffering and momentum of true sadness, all kept inside this container....

And they still keep calling object.getInstance(), assuring my object is still there. Whatever assigning a pointer to there is their only option, as long as it still gets true, it was nothing to worry....

After all, I kept all my variables private, without giving a function to know about those, only my parent public function, the inherited class called "Life"....

[Life forced me to inherit that function, without it, my representation to the material world would be a nonsense, like if I didn't exist, not being human..., because, I'm more than just an Entity....]

The sound of Silence

I
Can you hear the Sound of the Silence?
Can you really know what do they say?
Struggling hard inside one's mind 
as the world continue sending and receiving
in a lapse of a second.

A fast-paced mind that can see infinite views,
turned against itself when the reason is lost,
leading to fast-paces conclusions
no one ever thought he would think.

In one of those unexpected events,
it came with a single conclusion,
asking itself it it was reasonable
to maintain the broken things left,
to try again the same initiatives,
to apply the learned in something unknown,
to face the same fears over and over again....

There was nothing you can do,
without getting out your comfort zone.
All opened ways are getting to a closing point,
but a scarce few weak ones are still there...

Whatever sound I hear from my headphones right now, 
if it touches me, I'll have that sensation of emotion...

II
A narrow area to step on one foot, 
and the other stepping on sensitive strings,
each thing I see, I hear, I smell, I touch,
is leading me to fall into dismay....

The matter is unstoppable,
but why I can't move a single finger,
only seeing up above and let time flow,
the flow that everyone else follows....

People talk, people see, 
people come, people go,
people and more people,
it's all about them, but:

Where they came from?
How can I find them?
How can I approach them?
How can I feel secure?

Don't care if tears might fall in harmonious flow,
It's only the result of my eternal flaws...

III
If it wasn't for this sensation,
of overwhelming shyness,
I could be the most normal person,
I could be the thing I really wanted to be.

And if it wasn't for those experiences,
those that came from the past,
I would know in which times I was wrong,
I would know in which times not to be insecure.

But instead of throw everything away
and say this's a lost cause and rant,
against everything, against everyone,
and let myself dive into a bottomless pit,
I just won't.

And that didn't came from my parents,
that didn't came from my friends,
that didn't came from my classmates,
nor teachers, nor school, nor else.

It came from myself, the other part,
the one who is immune of all emotion,
the base of MY LIFE, MY WORLD.
Formed once when trying to solve everything.

Word by word, the echoes hurt my mind,
shaking hands that can't stand powerful ideas...

IV
Yeah, who cares if I cry or not, 
who cares if I try to be nice every time,
even in the most remote cases,
it wouldn't care if events can be spoiled.

But all that suffering isn't right,
but I'll endure all of it if necessary,
on same situations others would fall,
then they see their problems....

I didn't want to be this way but I see
crying isn't the thing I like to myself
feeling lonely isn't the thing they want,
struggling a lot isn't as normal as it should be.

But here I am, trying to put end ALL of THIS,
even if I can't stand up, I fall constantly,
I won't let my emotions control my life,
I won't let my mind to believe all what I think.

But only one word, the supportive one would help,
until I believe I shouldn't depend on people....

A World and a Bridge

Meteors, meteors everywhere,
atmosphere of the wide world of matter
that fills the nothing and turns in an object
up to the luminous sky and into the cold sea.

Silence, the sound of void,
the wave that tells the sensation of the past
experience of time when we thought we'll be nice
'till the time when we saw they'll stepping away.

Impact, the shake of the word,
the moment your mind has grasped all the sounds
that feeling the body invades all around,
manifestation and rebound, the loop of the hit.

A word, a single word,
a bunch of words, a million of words.
A sentence, a single one,
a bunch of ones, a thousand of the same.

A being, a single being,
a bunch of people, the entire planet.
A world, a single world.
so many worlds, so many bridges,
new ones, broken ones,
unrepaired ones, unsustainable ones
all connected, neither is alone.

A side of the bridge, my world sees another,
as I walk along, the bridge shakes as usual,
then I step in the middle and the other too,
we see each other, a fear get stand up.

Earthquakes, tornados, eruptions, inundations,
the shaking, the dreadful thing that can't stand alone,
the blessing, the mysterious thing that surrounds all your world,
the comfort, relief that can't be explained.

A side of the bridge, I see my world again,
I survived another encounter, I don't know why,
my feelings, what would happen next?
When that world approaches again....

I see meteors, lots of them,
they just come but they don't cross the bridge....

Luminous Void

"Emptiness, the sign of nothing, a hollow in a wide area of thoughts, a sensation of feeling empty, be nothing, be no one.

Zero, the illusion of having a goal, understanding nothing, !(00000001b && (1<< BIT0)), turning off the switch, going down, alone in the space. 

Speechless, a normal being, without expression, without emotion, without friends, without feelings, not being understood by someone, being ignored, people passing by your space, unfocused vision, uncategorized.

Outside Venn's diagram, the other side of Gauss Integral, the division that results an Indeterminate, the limit no one plots, being the center of all x|x[-infinite ; +infinite]", simply 2-2.

The center of anything, the gravity that made far objects orbit around, without being approached, the sun, the star, the shining object that gives everything but if they are near they may not handle all of it

A black hole, our last form, absorbs everything, turns everyone into emptiness, a void, a being, a matter, who once was sun, who once was light, who once was kindness, a warm sensation. The one who gave it all, the one who shared its light, but space was empty, but still it was irradiating with light. And then a wide explosion, and then emptiness.

I was there, inside the black hole, being attracted by its force, not being able to get out.

I was there, my mind focused on the void, but the planets are there, but my focus was unchanged.

Darkness, that doesn't scare me. Even if I'm in a luminous room, being alone is what it scares me...."

First Encounter - Thoughts of Acheivement

Somehow, I'm scared.
Somehow, I'm nervous.
Somehow, I'm anxious.

In some way I feel awkward.
In some way I feel insecure.
In some way I feel weird.

Even if I'm decided to make the starting step,
my feet are just not responding....
Even if I know this is a difficult decision to make,
my heart is just invading my mind....

But as I continue to wander towards my inner mind,
the world is continually changing....
Because the influence of data is making people change.
Because the stages of life aren't long and people change.

In a way I can understand, I'm not as awesome as you.
But I have to try, I just have the need of approach to you.
Because I know all the times I have done that,
are because I put ALL my effort to change.

So, when I first met you, is because my mind was willing to do so.
Because when I first met you, my emotions wouldn't let me speak.
And now that I have met you, you weren't aware of it at first.
And after I met you, I wouldn't need THAT effort to do it again.

This GREAT effort of meeting people isn't a normal event,
so maybe that's why I can't have a lot of approaches,
but if I do that GREAT effort, is because of something
and that something is as normal as living.

So when you see that I talk to you,
is because of that effort made of making a bond;
a bond of friendship that needs strengthening,
a bond of caring, a bond of support, a bond of comfort.

Having met you is one of the most daring things in my life;
responding to it, of the most achieving things in my life.

Feel proud about it.
Proud of helping a star that wants to shine again.

Versus Challenging Ideas

Ideas come and go forcing you into stepping  back,
counter ideas try to overcome the forceful ones,
a bunch of state arguments fight the battle and try to restore peace,
meanwhile your mind and body enters in a weird emotion of anger....

Objective Motion tries to understand the forceful idea
State Reality would analyze to whom was the idea appointed at.
Far Motion analyzes origin, position level and time elapsed of each forceful argument
State Focus establishes a constant state of not losing control and maintain calm

The State is ready for counter,
trying to set arguments on different visions,
conclusions are set on different angles,
trying to understand what the argument really meant.

"Your position is outdated - get an update and reconsider your argument"
"Your position has nothing to do with your argument - what was that for then?"
"Your position may be broken with this other - you need to broaden your point of view"
"Your position is untenable by the original, and you still state it - obtain another one"

It's easy to position by the words of other,
but it may be not the meaning you interpret,
and still when you get that position in your hands,
you place that meaning to others.

Get your own words and try to tell it better,
the world is always updating, you should do it too,
get ideas from others, it's a fair application
but transform it into knowledge, widen its point of view.

Now then, that the general statement is known to you,
it's time to consider your position and the Objective Motion.
After the fight, anger was prevented,
but what I wanted to say just stayed as a general idea.