Blue astonishment, the misunderstanding of a world that lies outside your world, you still believe that the world is one and everyone is in the same thing together as one. You might be right, but it's just I don't feel it that way. If I were in a same world, I wouldn't feel so different from others.
We're humans, I can know that context well. But the mind has developed a concept of a 'world' definition, and even if 'planet' of 'Earth' could be the same as world, all of what happened has made me a little bit way out of the world, the world everyone seem like it's common to hang out and rely on people and things and goals and events.
I look above and see that invitation of joining that commonness that is their life, their society, their own collective 'world', their worlds shrunken to give a new level of understanding, a social understanding. Their same voice call and the same sound of communication, they talk a language I can't even comprehend....
As fear fills my mind, knowing the reality of things, I know my expectations are way too short, overcome by others illusions passed on by generations and developed by their tremendous amount of social experience they had in their lives.
And here I am, trapped in a world where everyone thinks you're like this, and they they don't care anymore about you, trying to continue struggling in their lives. In a close world where everyone thinks by themselves, a boy wants to get out of his own bubble and look away to the world they live, but even if he doesn't want to lose his own world, he wants to save it, in a form of Light, a condensed light, a shiny star.
Hidden emotions want to be shout out in a way or another way, avoiding to say Help!, avoiding to say Save Me!, because this nonsense 'world' of myself is changing in tremendous directions I'm getting dizzy about it, eventually I'll get tired about all of this. Beaten by the seemingly always event to overcoming some little problem that comes and goes and it's as simple as noticing it. But at the same time, I don't know if I want to be noticed....
They see me, in a way, they have talked about me, in a way, they somehow know me, in a way. But why I haven't done that otherwise? The answer is shyness, and coping with all I think, what others think, and how can I understand better the world, maybe in the way they see it. Somehow I ask, made questions from far away, and try to be better each day.
But then they show themselves, and everything changes, I have to let them know somehow to make some little disruption, to make them understand it's not only them, and their world, somehow I have to let them know I'm still here, and even if suffering will come in this great life step, a very last invitation not to only be part of a social structural node, but to really be part of a position of bonding energy flow and a great generation of motion will decide if I can be still part of their world, and its natural structure of culture.
I see everyone fill the screen with windows, open to the one who wills to talk to them, I just have to decide which ones has a great importance to be happy, and thank the rest who once were part of my life experience, even if I just learnt a little....
I still have so much to learn time is not to waste it.
I don't know what to expect, just to look above and see,
up there, someone might have the answer, or he might not,
it's a matter of truly have strength on myself, and carry on....
