Childish Ideas, and Joyful Memorandums

Sorry if I talked about this before, but I didn't find on my other posts something similar to this. (Hope I don't repeat it)

And another sorry if it gets a little gloomy on my way to talk, not too harsh but not a happy thing too.

     April 30th, here in Mexico, is Children's Day.  Expectations on why this day is unknown. But well, just figures.

     I had a bunch of ideas as I child. Those were kinda decisive on the way I am now. The thing is, I'm not the child I was, in terms of, my personality on when I was a child has been in a lower state, but not in terms of actions and events or happy things, but because of some personality I had. 

     I was the guy I can do lots of things at School, like any other child, I would play ball at recess, be in a certain spot with other classmates, having fun while playing tag or when hiding. But also I had that belief of being good in class. I got very good in class. In fact I felt different from others. I knew I was the best in the class. I knew I had to prove it to everyone.

     Third grade, some new guy enters school, one of the first challenges was to overcome him in grades, he was good too. I got focused on him. Until 6th grade, he was a challenging opponent. People would technically notice that ambiance, mostly because me shouting at things. 

     Third grade, again. Some guy again, I was fooled by some magic trick he made on first grade. A challenging guy but I didn't made a proper trace, they say he was a genius but nothing else, I got him unnoticed. 

     Fourth grade, I knew who were the best, boys and girls, and who was the people that were being behind.  I felt the everyday challenge to be serious, even at home I made that possible. 

     Fifth and sixth grade, the start of a change, still unnoticed by that. My best friend, even if at home was a great companion, at school, he was a different person. I wouldn't care, I mostly spent my recess alone, with other people, playing at the most unusual places at school, I didn't talk at school, and somehow I got hated by people, my own classmates, because of my personality, who wouldn't stop telling my expertise of action, and because of my lack of caring. I wouldn't care, their talking were uncomfortable to me, I didn't like it. 

Their games was the only thing I got. 

I had friends 2 years before elementary school ending. And then everything would change....

     Weird experiences as a child, such as unexpected kissing (regardless who they were... o.o), tickle fight of death (hehe), handslap resistance (I don't know how I did like that at 6th grade, it was one day), lots of rejection, lots of crying, and lots of misunderstanding, from my parents, from my classmates, from my teachers, and from my friends.

     Little they know if they let me go on my own, I wouldn't continue the same way, and that's what I thought as a child.

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     And my little brother brought a couple of friends home. They brought games, Smash Bros Brawl, Zelda, Mario Party and others. I got beaten at one match, but as he see is as a nice victory, I just say, it was just the controller...

    Then I showed them Pokemon X, one friend was good telling which pokemon were, but he also needs to know whose type are super effective/not very effective against other pokemon.

     That's one of the things I can share on people they still to know about life, my brother being different from myself, doing a great job. I hope he gets better.

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Aaand...

     Some notification reminded me around this month about something I just forgot. There is something I want to tell, I don't know if the title can be the proper one, oh wait, I had one. 

"The one who Introduced me to the Internet World"

It's a rather off-topic title, with a nice meaning. I just need to do it...

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And tomorrow, "A Nerd's Adventure" hits it's Third Anniversary.

I don't know if three years are a lot but I think it is. :)

Worrying People

That's one of the things I haven't really experienced...

    I wasn't such an influence back on my days of School, and even if they could see me all the time, I would be sure in a way they wouldn't care, or that's what I thought. I didn't have lots of friends, the few I had didn't have problems handling strong conversations. There are a few of them that I really wanted to become friends, but technically it didn't happen. Back then I was trying my best to talk to them, but somehow a concrete bonding wasn't there, the experience of getting on the people and not responding to it wasn't pleasant. But then they seem to acknowledge the fact though nothing else was done.

    And all these years of trying and trying was another experience I was making my effort. Effort to stop repressing my emotions and thoughts. My years On-line as a User and all what I found when I'm here, it was grateful. All and its extended resolutions, I managed to get in touch to a few more people. On-line of course. I started to talk more and more, as it were easy to do it, it was fun.

    But then what I feared was coming to approach. But I was prepared to face it, because I knew it by experience... I could talk but then a dissonance of voices, and then the differences turning into a higher point, it becomes something in which, I can't have an idea to overcome this by talking.

    Because I make some effort in talking, more if it's an unknown path, I can't make again with the same effort give a back-to-track message, unless certain conditions are met.

One of those conditions is, the person talking to were worried about myself...

    Action noted, it could be a message of sorts or some mention. Anything that makes again the connection is enough. Another condition is actually make that back-to-track message, explaining how do you feel. On each part if a retribution is made, the bonding will try its best to regain its power.

    Now then, lately I've been a little sleepy, on those stages, I'm more Introverted than anything else, but somehow I over-exceeded my Introversion. I didn't say anything about it, that I would take a break, that I need a great recharge, both physically and emotionally, that I need to deal with some problems, and that I needed more content to share and manage to talk, because I felt I was saying the same all the time.... It's not like it's going to be the same as before, but at least I want to feel comfortable the time I wanted to return.

    But, what I wasn't expecting is, people telling me where I am, and how's everything going. A little few got nothing from me, worrying enough to make a state of presence and send me a message. The moment I knew it, I was, first surprised by a normal sudden anxiety from the recovery motion of Re encounter, and then a little frustrated and sad, because of feeling how selfish I was with those people.

    I mean, it's not that the User Position is all important, the real world has its own challenges. Amazing challenges :B . But, as explained before, I just went away for a little while, and  chaos surrounded the path I made with much effort. It's not like it's destroyed, it's just that I need to build more light to iluminate the path.

The path once made, it can be easily followed with the right compass. 

"Strange Things..."

[I wrote this before my birthday motivation motion...]

Hi, again with this strange things called changes.

(Toy Story reference, in English they say "Strange Things", in Spanish we say "Cambios")

    And if I recall, it was because everything was changing to an unexpected world someone would say what's going on. Well, that's what I fear. I'm having up-and-down moments because, I fear everything I have done could go away, just by a single thought in my life. The feeling of why I'm keep doing this? What's my motivation? and who is gonna see what I have done? No one near the position I'm right now knows everything about what I do, what I draw, what I write. I showed ones at one time or another, but they are still in another world different from mine, giving their all to keep surviving in this reality and being a base that supports certain community. If that support didn't exist, my handling of life would be much harder, and I would dislike it even more.

    Having trouble overthinking things, not knowing the world I am, because of that, I'm confused. I'm confused on how to act when those kind of situations arise, those social situations combining it with my feeling of sensibility. I mean, I was open to requests and started making conversations, trying to understand the lives of other people, but then, what to do if you give too much to one person?

    Even if I try to avoid it, I fail miserably. It's just that when I feel that the other person could be SO AWESOME to have a everyday talk without any feeling of distress from my part or without thinking on hurting someone's feelings with my words, all this thought makes me feel I don't want to take that risk. And thought it would be nice to think about it, when it comes to really do it, is when I get nervous and a little scared.

    I got my moments when people's words went through me and I didn't have a proper response about it. People said it, even if they knew what they said or knew how can be the reaction of the other person. And because I know people can't really give a message the way everyone wants to hear, I can tell it's because they are like this, it was the way they wanted to give the message, or at least in most of the way.

    What I can see from all of this is the type of tone some people like to hear more from one person than from another, and the proper defense from hearing the messages, if they give you a sense of comfort, or if they give you a sense of discomfort. All experiences involved in the conversations. That's so how people are dealing to other people and tell that their tone of one person is not as much compatible as their own.

    Finding compatible tones is difficult, and in most cases the common ones are the ones that normal society has in real life. It's easier. But when you don't naturally have it, it wouldn't be easier, than maybe try to find a easy way to deal with the ones compatible to you. Even though they have nice common things to share, if time-space isn't at one point, if experiences can't be easily shared, if there's a lack of interest on one person, levels of compatibility gets lower.

    And to know how is the level of compatibility of one person, we need to know him a little bit deeper than the sharing point they have, up to the point of see if one thing would turn up into a clash against ideas or not. Whatever the result of the collision point would determine if we can handle it or not, and so having to place a limit on how often we should from now on want to treat one person.

    Friendship in its pure form is having lots of collision points, with its points getting away from it, and then by the gravitational force they give from their sharing points, return like boomerangs, and reunite again to give again new form of points, either direction given.

    I have to give those changes anyway, at least I need to understand well time, and space, and people too. No need to rush, only on the things I can do better, only on the things I necessarily need to rush, but not to other people, because they're more experienced and I have to reach them to be at the same level.

Another February

And let's hope I can do a better me this time :P

[Posted someplace else, because I can :3]

Hello, as I try to draw and write at the same time, and at the same time making a double effort to make a fast mind development and typing trying to make nice ideas as fast as I can, I can say welcome to all of you who visit this place. Really it's a pleasure to have all to visit my gallery, even if we all know there are a lot of us that we can image, maybe I can't imagine such amazing deviants and good people gathering here. 

I don't tend to comment too much, because it makes me think, what I see is that it doesn't have to be too well thought of a comment, and something eventually will come out as fluently as you had think it in your mind. All that talking and chatting practice I have made has served me too much. And I appreciate the people once again to put one time of your lives to really visit me here and this gallery. Thanks to all of you. 

And, in other news, it's February. In this month, I have always made the tremendous revolutionary Idea of Friendship, with a nice thought of Love. Ever since the Disruption of Motion that made me think on Friends more than anything in this life, I had that characteristic trauma of always be beside a friend and feel its support and its great compassion, and good knowledge of life. I had some friends, real life, and some of them were special to me, though they may not look at it that way. I may be the one my friends were uncomfortable with me, I didn't know that. Maybe they couldn't find in me some special connection with myself and, what could be worse, they didn't have time to make the connection be as active as any other normal friend.... 

The thing people would state that is as weird as to say I'm occupied and busy dealing with problems in my own life, I can't have the time to look around and see who would need any help.... And even if that's harsh, I understand, people won't have the time for everyone, even if we want to. Even myself want to speak with an infinity of people, and that's impossible. Even if I want a nice computer to deal with all the information, and try it to process it and find new results and all of stuff, I know I can't do it. 

There is a delay, a time consumed, a cool down time to process new information again. And all what I need to do is to be as fast as I can to provide information needed. That's what a fast-paced world is.

But one thing is sure, with all the effort I've made lately, I've improved a little bit and I got new methods to deal to different situations in life. Not that I can apply it effectively yet, but I know if I still practice, I can do better things. And when the cool down moment arrives, accept it as such. Crying is allowed, sleeping is allowed. Even doubt a little is allowed. As long as I can feel I can do something for myself, for someone, for everyone. 

Even if effort is a hard thing, face the possibilities is one of the mysteries in life, the trill of living, the motivator to make us sure what life can surprise us this time, obviously between our range of our normal life.

Hope you all have a great week, and spend this month reminding what's friendship to you?

[Is a question, you can answer it, I want to know, REALLY want to know, I appreciate it SOO MUCH]

And if you want, what is LOVE to you? [I also want to know.]

Standing my position...

    I was searching something to write, then inspiration came some time ago when Internet reminds you of how weird your life was before, and how some people has better stats on different areas you wanted to be better. Curiously enough, I had the idea from days ago, only that I couldn't remember today. Glad I had, because I can express my feelings, ooh those feelings. Just to add today was kinda stressful, but this is other thing to do.
    People do things, people has activities they do on their free time. I just write and I’m on constant learning, fixing word errors. And I’m comfortably sit on the sofa drinking a nice coffee without caffeine while having a nice snack, getting up for occasional necessary trips around the house. Also I’m looking at my notebook and my computer with lots of open files, and then visiting lots of pages, then listening to music and still continue writing, thinking about those times when I visit someone else’s page and see, how wonderful his life is right now....
    All of those are for lots of pages I had visited, and they are about what they publish and comment, how can make with their posts a nice interaction with other users, typing and blogging lots of things. I can’t understand how they can live in those worlds, and then look fine or look terrified about it, whatever their emotion they had right now. But then I just see their experiences and how much they have developed their position of their User-type. That’s impressing. Even though I knew Internet for a nice time, I just can’t stop admiring those who started before me, and saw all possibilities to be themselves or to be someone better that eventually they will become themselves.
    In my life, I was searching for lots of things to happen, and in so many times, all those things didn't happen, no matter how I struggled to make it happen. So when I look someone doing the things I wished it could happen to me, I get somewhat sad. Plain sad. I might get depressed, or envious, maybe a bit dreamy, imaging myself really in that specific place. I might have been a little bit happier.
    But then there is this part that I don’t realize what I’m saying. That part of me that can’t grasp the reality on the society I live: the dazing streets at night, the various clothing and their themed shirts, all what they carry on their backpacks, including trading cards, game consoles, some snack or notebook, or their favorite plushie. Their constant learning on memorizing their favorite scenes to be repeated with their friends and beyond over and over again, the stories that they tell, and the stories of the stories they tell about events, like a chain of events starting since childhood, all their music influence and the eventual definition of points of view, and of course their lack of fear of telling all the above....
    That makes me think, if I don’t have one of those they mostly talk about, or they could all easily agree, will I never be part of that something I used to talk the Nerd-Type, those otaku-geek-gamer people they talk about all those manga-anime things? But then there are the programmer-developer-designer ones who talk about lots of what they do or what they see, and even more there is me who sees a lots of those people and feel that in neither can fit in.... And then, a concept upraises upon after all those experiences: I just feel I can’t fit properly in any of those groups, or I feel that whatever thing I say it might not be on the group, they could disband me from their group of friends.... In other words, a misfit, the one who can’t think on one thing without thinking of another, the one who searches for the proper definition of the things without altering the order of life. The one that  fears what he can say, the one who can’t show all of what he likes because another person can do it better, or because other person doesn't like it; the one who can’t stand upon himself and tell people they have a wrong concept of himself, the one no one else considers, the one who wanted a specific thing and didn't realize the value he was giving to them.
    Just because I don’t talk a lot, I don’t do a lot like them, I don’t express like them, or can’t show any feeling like them, doesn't mean that I DON’T LIKE being with them. I was just there, but nothing else.... I don’t know why they didn't tell me I was just losing time.... But then they were nice to me, then, their Pokemon, Dragon Ball or yu-gi-oh things they were talking, their gaming they only wanted to hear or their expertise on those games, all of those lead me to step back to them and feel small compared to them. But then, they didn't know how I was feeling at that time, I’m still able to confide my emotions from everyone else....
    My lack of experience is my most fear, or I fear I feel someone has more experience than I am…. And those that are around me tell me that I don’t worry, but they don’t know they induced me to that liking and that I should do something special about it. That’s the main thing I can have FRIENDS I can rely on. But then the chain was broken way before I met them, so.... I don’t know if they can really understand what I’m posting right know, if they really care about it. Then feel the pity to me and telling me to stay strong, and starting a chain of apologies, but that’s not the chain I want.
    Because other people don’t consider what I do, or what I can do to match the position they are, doesn’t mean I won’t stand behind on expressing myself who I am and the position and in which I am right now. I have base, I only have to express more openly to everyone else. I won’t care if else can’t understand that. Because I can base on myself, and on the ones we’re still on this.
    I just need a little sleep and a little bit of hey everybody, I’m still here. In other words, promotion. That’s why I thank every little bit of consideration towards me, because with that I can assure I can be still on this and then, I can show you amazing things. Have hope and support in me and you’ll see.
    So for this matter, and in the position of this username,  I’m still here, and I count on you.

"Because for myself I must stand the position for what I like and for what I do, share it with you"

Understanding my introverted side of myself

    Well, after a lot of arrangements and a little bit of free time, I'm trying to make a good post so I can maintain a little bit my blog with lots of ideas. Now is this post.
    On recent days, I have been thinking about a lot of things. I'm always thinking, that shouldn't be a wonder to me but it is. I have been testing and making things I haven't done or I haven't experienced. Sometimes those were successful things and sometimes there were a few little things that turned out bad. But I was still practicing....
    It's like I hadn't had the chance on earlier years to make a good social interaction practice and now that the chance is happening, I'm starting to realize a lot of things in which I may understand a little more why normally I am this person.
    People don't notice how much I have changed. Well, they do if they have treated with me and saw a difference since the first time they met me. I’m glad I at least I can notice that.
    I really understand that I can't handle a lot of the conversations if I put importance in all of them, what I mean is that I care on the same intensity and time for everybody, it would be awesome if we could care about everybody. But people like me isn't as clever as to see when things aren't working the right way on social things to 'make a change and start again', that last thing should be one of the most challenging action for my personal experience. If I'm taking a long time trying to change, and general people ignoring those changes, is because I resist changing as a whole.
    I can see it, if it isn't for the motivation of some people, I wouldn't dare to make an effort to improve. But I have this intuition that there should be at least one person I can share most of the things we would like, so I didn't give up. I may understand more about myself that I may not care about everybody else but the ones I consider they should be the ones I would want to hang out.
    Why I can say that? It would be wonderful to go out and hang out and have fun with people and stay there and share experiences and laugh about it. But when I see it more deeply, I have a slight dependency of the things I do, my personal activities that are writing, or drawing, or programming, activities that consume personal time, actions in which other people aren't involved.
    So I have to experience specific actions on conversation such as, put interest on what the other person says, know what he actually likes and if we can do something about it, experiencing what I would see as difficult phases of Friendship. Understanding of my personality, when people try to do things they don't know I don't like and being clear is difficult to make. Detachment on activities, not everything is going to be focus on a person. Confrontation of reality, when defiance is occurred and a solution must be done to make the bond of friendship stronger. Understanding of space, when we know when it's proper to see, when it's proper to have our own activities, and when to consider priorities on the bonding and actions to be done. Friendship pressure, when we have the right to insist on the constant validation of the bonding of friendship, motivations and event handling on all of those.
    Some people like to hang out with lots of people as Friends, some other people would like one or two to hang out and that's fine. Some people like to be alone most of the time, with little important social interactions, and that's fine as long as they feel fine with themselves. As long as our emotional equilibrium is fine, whatever we do will be of our improvement. Hopefully our emotion can be stable on good friendship moment.
    Somehow I know that meeting people is a hassle for me, but when they know me and open up, I can be more normal, but usually I might fail on certain things, but maybe it doesn’t matter to me.
    Now that I can open up more bases and with that build some more, there are things that I can do better, and I might not feel alone if someone is gone for a while because I might rely on someone else, but of course I have priorities on who can share more things.... hehe
    I’m learning and I can see why experienced people have a better development on talking and chatting with others than I do, but then I say that if I make my effort I can show my sympathy to them and get into the conversation too and sharing what I know too!
    So that may be my position of Introversion with my attention to affection and feeling like I’m not in this world, that I have friends to make the effort to put, and, in advanced position, that I can be the one that can effectively cheer them up and also that they can cheer me up on upcoming problems.
    I think the only way I might find new things is be more open to everyone else making the fact that I have to talk more even if it might hurt if I don’t know if that happens, I think if that happens I would understand and adapt to it. That’s what I might act, at least on the internet motion. Only I should be careful hehe
    Well some long post I have made, so I guess that will help me see I can make the effort and not being sad about what I can’t have, because of all the things that I can share to others to be happy, and you know that better.

Friendship and First Days of School

I don't mind being alone, but when you see a person sharing things you like, that’s another thing.

    That's what happens when you enter a world in which lots of people are gathered in one place, no matter how big or small the place it is, to share some moment of their life, to share something you have on your main ambiance. Some family events, normal things of television, music, series, games, main events of life, some recommendations, things to increase their friendship, and an invitation to continue the bond application outside the place.
    They say School is a great friendship starting point. On the first days, you know your classmates and start to talk with each other, to see which ones are the most likely to share the same interest. You see the fun on some of them and how they spend their time on cool things. At the end of a week or two, most of the people must have had at least one friend to spend on the free time, on recess, or after school time, or at least at the time you can reach him/her at the classroom.
    Some classmates started School with friends they have met on previous occasions, and add one or two to the group of friends, previously presented and approved to be part of that group. In that day that everybody decide who will be the ones they want to spend time, little modifications may occur: someone would want to increase in some skill or in some hobby, so he changes his friendship position, a normal change, maybe thanking the previous for being part of their friendship, maybe encounter them on another occasion, and after that he joins the other group, or after some time being absent in some group, he rejoins the previous with new ideas to share and lots of awesome things to do.
    So, after the starting point of meeting each other, how they behave and how to handle each other, they are ready to spend the time together on recess time.
    The main point is that after the closure of the friendship invitation, future entering of other’s group is way more difficult, especially if you’re one of the very few people that spend recess mostly alone, with a few friends to follow or with groups that you follow, so you don’t feel completely lonely. You follow those groups, because in some way they say something interesting to hear, something interesting to know. You are actually not part of their group of their friendship, but in order to have something to do; you tend to imitate other’s idea of talking, of friendship.
    When it comes to recess on a scheduled time on a specified place, the term of the following is applicable, but when it comes to free time on a defined time in a wider scheduled one on a wider place, you only see the people, but not what they are doing, so after the established time, if you haven’t got into a group, it’s more likely to be alone, and feel the pressure of others talking about the things they share.
    Now, in that kind of situations, I don’t mind being alone, but when you know someone who in a group talks about the things you like, that’s what things change. You can’t be comfortable knowing that you are in a place where the most common thing to do outside the classroom is socialize with other people and making friends. But lots of generations of lots of different specialties are there into one place. And all that chatting and laughing overwhelms me a lot, especially on the first days. When I’m on that ambiance again after a good time vacations, I feel weird. A lot of people of different behaviors and personalities, all gathered again to spend the time there. I do have my time of being a good friend, but the amount of awesomeness of those whose friendship has awesome things is too high for me to handle, because I’ll know I don’t have lots of resources to change their strong-based bubble of friendship, neither the time to maybe spend the time with them properly if I actually had. I wish I could have those….
    I have always into other things, because I haven’t really experienced true friendship in its maximum motion. For me, it’s when you spend lots of time with friends in a place far away from other groups, doing what their like, and having lots of fun and laughs, you feel true happiness inside, and you think by yourself, even if it’s too hasty, that you had some of your most amazing things in life. I wish that happens too….
    Disruption of Motion and lots of start over, loss of fear of shyness and lots of awesome conversation to do. Double the effort to be at the level of their expectations of friendship. I know I would finish saying that I would like to be alone all the time and care less for them, but the School shock of making friends and not feeling alone knowing they have fun but you, makes me do additional effort to caring for them.

Friendship is...

Ok, for the occasion, just because Friendship indeed is important for me...

    What's Friendship? I talk a lot about it, but why I give so much importance for a thing that is only eventful and seems to be not everyday's event? Maybe because my weird misconception of the meaning of friendship. Or maybe because weird experiences of life that made me feel I need a constant search of the Friend of the Moment. After all those searches, I found my Introversion motion, and my only need to not to be lonely in a world of social interaction. Imagine yourself around all those people, and seeing them talk to others, you feel the need to do the same, to "adapt to society..." (deep thoughts..., heheheh) My motivation generator can make things possible, but outside you feel overwhelmed with all those interactions, and you being the weird one.

    The things I know about friendship is the interaction of people in activities, conversations, good laughs and sharing experiences. Feeling the great need of a friend in special moments is what gives an important change in life. But even if those friends are far away from you, there's no deny of the grateful experiences or events you have spent with them. 

    Maybe I'm too simple on friendship motion. I always think they expect so much from me, because they may think I don't say something interesting, or say nothing. I don't know if my sensitive feeling perceives them if they are not in a mood to talk. But that's maybe other option, I may don't feel the need to talk or I don't have the right thing to share or to express myself. Maybe I'm slow on maintaining a conversation, they get boring.... That's why I like to write and to draw. There's no need to hurry on expressing your ideas.

    So, friendship is, giving part of your time with another person for sharing activities:

    What I remember, a good friendship, when you know his house, comes over yours and start playing games, most kind of games. Pokemon Cards, videogames, soccer, typical childish games, more videogames, a little walking around your neighborhood, visiting your friends house, and having a great time. You know you have a friend because, even if he makes you cry or if he makes you feel anxious or disappointed about many things, he always has the look of concern and try to cheer you. That's when you feel better and forget what happened at this time.

    There's no need to talk about other things, even if the world needs to step up the level of Friendship of the Conversation Motion. They want to hear it from their own ears. But maybe if you try too harder, the obvious notice of others makes you feel shy about it. They know when you talk more often and say more logical things. But maybe you don't know if they want or objective ideas or awkward ideas. Their bubble of friendship grows stronger among them..., but you feel very shy to send them again another letter insisting on their friendship motion and how they are important to you. You may had a few..., but everything is confusing. Changing friends, being with new people and experiencing new things. Everything happens so fast, the moment of getting one it changes again.

    From the view of the Discrete Emotive Attribution, the actions made have a great deal of emotion and affection of the friend motion. Not that can became something else, but always want to express that great thing to be friends with others..., nobody said anything bad about my actions, so for the time being, I will continue. I know if the space is not possible, I should be doing alternative things to maintain the bond...

I may be shy, but I know I can be a good friend.

I may not say a thing, but I know I can express very good things from me.

I may be weird, but I know there's nothing to lose to understand a little.

I may be socially awkward..., but I know those things won't matter if you believe in true friendship.

Maybe I don't convince you, but that's ok if you are that way. I'm not so much from the indirect warnings, but direct expressions are not my thing... 

Even if I feel like giving up  on all this of friendship, because I get ideas around me without getting it clear, I won't.

"Only because I know that's a good thing, and you know it too. Only because I can give a lot for a good friendship, and video games are good too. (heheh)"

The appropriate moment to meet new people

    Hello, let's talk about something useful to you. I know some phases in life can be difficult if you can't find a good supportive person. But there can be times when it's good to find new people to talk, just to get their ideas about the world we all live in, and to share things you may not share with others. Let's try to get those ideas and get a proper conclusion that can help us all.

  When we meet people, generally friends, you find it more in School, because there are a lot of people you can talk to, and also try to be friends with them. Also you can meet people nearby you. I'm sure there can be someone who shares the same ideas or hobbies than you do. Maybe he might go to the same school as you! Also on events, like conventions and tournaments or contests of every kind. You'll find a people near your age that you can be nice and have fun.    Someone said you can find people in events that share the same things than you, trying to go to one of the reunion they have and share experiences with other people. Maybe one of them lives near you and then you can later go to his house when you have time, for example, when you have vacations. It will increase your friendship bonds with everyone else if you constantly practice your friendship motion.
    Now for the Title's Retribution: when it is the right moment to meet new people. Sometimes, some friend goes away from the place you usually hang out, or maybe you saw those friends the most on School but later school period is over and when you change, for example to Elementary School to Junior High, you might not see them again. Maybe you can set a continuous path of bond when you can see him in a different place, but maybe it would be on a different point of view. This can be cool, because that gives you other way to see your friend in another place.
    Also, when your friendship is not so good with other people or when you can't establish a good encounter for that friend, maybe because of time or because of different schedules. It's not that you want to end a good friendship, it's just that you want to try something else, something different, something that may be greater but with a different style.
    On those moments, you do a strategic move and try to view your circumstances, your daily activities, your hobbies, what do you like, what do you dislike, and what things you can give to new friends. With all this considered, you find the most near moment and make introductions. If the other person consider your action and makes a retribution, when time happens, you'll get soon a bond of friendship. Quite simple, isn't it?
    Maybe the problem could be what experiences  you have to share, or how nervous you are to talk to new people. Also, how to find the right place to hang out and what places can be with people with same hobbies as you. In that case, you'll need to overcome those initial things and be real about what you can give for those friends. The most ideal one could be when that friend you want to reach lives near your house.
    Why do I tell all this? It's a long story. I could respond that I just can't find that moment on normal basis. My normal basis is School, so I act on situations on that place. Only a few situations did reach out of the place, becoming the friends I have for the moment. I did experience a little of friendship, but when it comes to increasing motions of Friendship, especially after Elementary School, the odd ambiance of the Far Stage was enough to prevent me to reach a highly developed and a very closed relation of Friendship. But that time was over, so little of it resulted from my efforts of find a good friendship. I really tried, but maybe it wasn't enough for their needs. It's just life.
    On a new Stage, time is unstable, so Friendship Motions can be difficult if you don't know what to do. I can talk to most of them. But there are times when I can't find them in the time-space moment and I wander in loneliness. But it's only a brief moment. That's when you think of it and wonder, do I really need to find new friends? That's confusing also, because when you think about it, you don't want to forget the old friends you have. But in the time you are and in the place you are, Near Friendship is nowhere to be found. You want to at least walk a few streets away from you house to find another one where your friend lives an spend a good afternoon playing video games and drinking soda and eating popcorn, or pizza or some other food. In a odd manner, I keep telling everybody that I still have friends, even if I don't talk to them very often, just to have a little hope to have a re-encounter and spend a good time together. It seems that I had not got those moments a lot. But now things are going to be different, I'm sure.
    I might suspect that maybe my friends have their own life and have other friends with them, while I  just made a dependable motion for that friend that in a Far Motion I tried to get into my position of life, just because I don't want to offend them. There were a lot of experiences of trying to understand friendship, but no one else knows it. Not that I wanted to tell my adventures of discovery. But it's just incredible how you still have power to stand up even with little flow retribution. I made a lot of flow generation of energy, but with the same resources and the little incoming from others, the energy becomes less powerful. But I'm still stand up to continue, and find a great amount of energy that maybe on other sources can be useful to find. It's just life; you can't waste the opportunity of a giving friend of good expectations that can change your life in that moment.
    So, where time comes, when they tell me if I have friends, my answer would be "I do have friends, but there are not in this stage, I wish to be friends, so we can spend the time in company." Actual friends, I think you have thought of that, no? Because your actions were similar.... Therefore, I should be doing the same way. When we get the intersection, we might continue our motion. New friends, if you are near, I may spend more time with you so I will be glad to get a lot of experience and have a pleasant time. If you are from a far position, or from the position of the Collective Information of Internet, I should be thankful to having a space where we can gather and tell a lot of funny things and obtain the retribution expected.
    And everyone will be happy about it, because they all know they have the resource when it's needed. I could hear my actual friend telling me: "It's not bad to have new friends, just go for it, if you feel when the time we are not there you feel lonely (Or at least find someone to spend the time with), just be yourself and be happy with your life."

"The appropriate moment to meet new people is when you feel you don't get the retrubution you are expecting to obtain from someone."
"That's why you feel to need new friends, right?"
"Huh, I thought you just got shocked for the words I said."
"No..., that was the sketch post you almost posted, but you didn't, did you?"
"Of course not, that was a powerful emotional one, and quite away from our Purpose...."
"Yeah, risky enough.... By the way, you won't think your friends take this post personally?"
"If I ended on not take that, neither would they. Besides, if I don't know how is their life right now. "
[JUST TO NOTE: You don't know the friends I have on other time, so don't think all this applies to you. So don't worry.If doubtful, talk to me. I'm willing to explain.]
"Oh, so they have applied what you just have written."
"In a way, yes, they needed to be part of that place, so they needed to find those friends they have now."
"What about you? Are you willing to continue your missions?"
"It could be quite weird, but I don't know the things I wrote could be applicable right now. I have some things I could take on the place of Action."
"But in your main place, where you live, you don't have anyone, what about them...?"
"Well, I think I need to act slowly on that.... But I know I have to be ready when that time comes..."
[I just can't let my friends alone....]

Bond of Friendship

Inspiration makes possible all things, so writing can have a meaning on its contents. Today it's a good day, I don't know why. There are days where situations of life make you a little sad. But that's normal, handle the sadness can be a good thing to do. Disappointing events and quite a frustrating loop of actions that has no return. (oh my god, what would happen if you can't get out of the loop? It's just that you haven't got a condition to get out of there - programming references included... :B)

     So, in this day I will get on my motivation got from nowhere [-Wrong, you got it because something has come to you and said motivational words...], to talk again about friendship. It's my favorite topic so maybe it could be quite unusual when I want to talk about it, but, when this post is completed, I'll make sure motivation is still on my side.

     There is a thing called a bond of friendship that we have to the other person when we establish common thing between them. Social Relation has all types of bonds or points of relation. The Graphical Representation of the Mind of the Bond of Friendship establishes that the connection of the relation is like a line, rope, string, thread, something that can connect two points.

The strength of the Bond can be viewed by current flow of energy transmitted by the thread, or by the strength applied to the rope, the more tight is the rope, the more resistant it is, the more  the more fluent the demand of transmission needs.

If we imagine ourselves with a bunch of threads around our body  tied on it, we could see a lot of bonds that we have with the other person. Classmates, friends, family, work buddies, other relations, each has a different bond, with different demands of our attention. The flow of energy depends of the strength of each bond. So, there can be certain bonds dropped in a certain way. Not used, but quite difficult to take off.
To satisfy the demand of the flow, a constant contact of the friendship is needed to maintain that bond. It is done by communication, activities and other things... The constant flow of the energy applied to feed the bond of friendship is quite important, and it's quite easy to do it. In the great definition that comes with the word "Friend", the bond is used to protect the friendship from gossip voices and confusing conclusions when things aren't good to perceive. The bond represents confidence and a point of motivation, a guard of emotions and a notion of hope when you need to get back on the adversities to jump again....

Why people can't make this happen? I'm no expert of that, only a observer of experiences, like everyone else, I suppose. Barriers are a good thing to block a bond of friendship. But when that bond is affected by the barrier is because it's vulnerable to that. I don't think bonds make barriers to block other bonds. That's not the function. So, where the barrier comes from? Good things make the bond go stronger, bad things make the barrier go stronger. It's up to us to make more good things on the friendship relation, so the barriers can be ignored and the flow can maintain the same.

Relation types cannot interfere neither on each bond, so that can't block the flow. But we can have another situation, when the flow of one bond is applicable to a specific one rather than other. Bond flow is constantly in movement, so time is considered to talk about the movement of state motivations of a friendship. Therefore, there can be times when the flow of some friendship is greater than another. It is also normal, that the flow can be slowed. It's fine if the bond is strong enough to stand by itself when it is needed. But then the bond has less and less flow, its strength might go down, and make the flow be limited by the strength supported within the bond. In other words, friendship when is not attended, can be a waste of time..., why support on a friendship when it can't supply my demands of relation?(Remember people, we are social entities, so we need relation in order to survive)

When we feel that, that's when we have doubts and a plethora of thoughts, dominating our mind trying to understand what happened. But there we have two options, right to use and good to apply. One is try to diminish to a minimum the flow but trying to make understand the other person the situation. If the bond was once strong, the understanding can be acceptable, otherwise it could end to suffering. But temporary suspend the flow of friendship may be difficult, but the options of searching new bonds of friendship can be applicable anytime, and if you have enough energy to make flow the new bonds. the other option is, again to talk again to the person and ask for a better flow of energy to make the flow stronger. If once the bond was strong, it could be understandable and make again the attention onto your point, otherwise, if it is ignored, it could break the bond on a strange pattern, difficult to repair to make it work again...

Yeah, Friendship Bonds are interesting. But it's difficult making them. Time is a variable, effort is another, state of contact is a important one, and confidence of guarding emotions and sharing important things the most important one. (Another of my silly programming things... like the Formula of Love... oh my... why I'm talking about that!...)

---------------------------------------------------------
-"Someone has told me a Friendship Motivation, that's cool isn't it?"
-"Why you said so? You know what they say...."
-"That 'Not everybody would say that word that easily because it's not needed, just you need to  decipher yourself'?"
-"Something like that. You have an awful demand of energy flow..., that's quite not good."
-"Hmm, it's still difficult...."
-"Even if you make the demand applicable, maintaining it for a long time would be uneventful...."
-"I know, and also that pointing my positions of flow onto a bond will be risky..."
-"You got the idea from the arguments given, that's good."
-"Only a problem, when do I expect the flow from someone to be lower than before? how to make new bonds to make even the flow potential...?"
-"You mean, making a stronger bond on other people...?"
-"Hmm, searching in an strange Space of Action for new Bonds is not my specialty...."
-"You need to learn how to do it, it can be useful when try to re encounter old friends..."
-"I hope so, with the experiences that I got, I may expand a little more my horizons, and make a little walk out of my Comfort Zone.... "

A "Perfect Friend" and a Second Chance

    Friendship, I don't know exactly why I still gather information about it. It seems that I'm so obsessed about having friends who share their thoughts to me and be with me all the time, someone who has the same activities like me and being along to all places I go. My vision of friendship was in a certain way wrong, confusing, not understandable, weird…. I considered that being with a friend will get me more into knowing more about friendship: sharing things and ideas, experiences and activities of life.
    The problem was, they don't seem to share most of it with me. I could see it, those who I consider as friends, sharing more things to the other people, getting into the detail more, giving the time with them, and other similar things. Maybe they share the most important points; maybe they believe I won't give a good response of its awesome activities; maybe I’m not his best friend, only a friend of the moment, or maybe I don’t have something good to share or an interesting thing to comment.
    “They are always the same.  They have the same behavior: being silent with me, not saying something when we gather in a place, talking things I guess they don’t know what to say, because maybe that’s not the thing they want to talk or maybe their normal activities are not for my ears to listen….”  Those were the words I conclude of all the gatherings I had with my friends. And I was trying to say something at that moment, something appropriate, similar to the conversation we were having now, to get the attention of my friend, to let him know my friendship is good and innocent. Nothing came to my mind, and they would say I was a timid boy, a boring person, someone whose life would not get the attention of anybody…, I don’t know if my life would be interesting, or worth of tell.
    But, the thing is, they’re right. My life has little interesting things to share; I was poor of experiencing activities of life; my experiences of life were inferior to those of great notoriety. It’s confusing, because I don’t get quickly what things they like, and if I share those things they like, or something similar, would they get the idea of my sharing? So time got on me, but at that time I could finally know what things I could share, and get the confidence of sharing with my friend what I really like. But when thing happens happily, they would expand their horizon to the world and sees something better….
    “They are always the same. They have the same behavior: finding other person, being in the group or in the same moment. That person joins in, and we have a fresh start, but the circumstances of life make a radical change, and the friend’s position get the attention more on the new person he has joined in. Maybe he knows that person in some place I didn't know, but new events would end in an awful moment….”  Those are the words I got when I know I have lost a friend. And I defended my position of getting the idea of being friends, overcome the situation we were facing and getting again the attention of my friend, to let him know my  friendship was still worth it, and I would never leave that. My defenses were broken, and I got hurt, because of that silly situation that wasn't so important; exaggerated the situation and blame the damage to them. And they could think I’m a perfectionist for a friendship….
    Unfortunately, they’re right again. Those little things they did to me and didn't know they would hurt me would broke my emotional control and end a good friendship, because they acted like children and made a bad joke on me, didn't say sorry of that and ignored the situation… or because they didn't consider that friendship as such, or because they were wandering in their own minds, blocking a friendship they didn't want, or because they leave the state of moment of life unexpectedly, or because they didn't know that friendship was so important to me. That, because I only wanted to be with somebody at recess….
    But all those conclusions made me think friendship it’s not about being perfect in finding something they would not hurt you once and being mad at him. It only occurred once, and others were because of misplacement of moment, or an end of a stage. But other than that, those were the friends I had at that time. Other people didn't become friends of mine, so the maintenance of friendship wasn't practiced a lot. Only if they had taught me or tell me what would be having a best friend beside you at that time.
Also, those made me think I could give a second chance on anybody I knew in past times, if they wanted to at least talk with me, or give me a message or other things if they have at least five minutes of their time.  Give a second chance of those who had leaved the space of moment, and get there. Because, when I lose contact with a friend, I find difficult to talk with him again, even I want it so, I could get afraid of see what is going to happen. So a second chance is also a new opportunity to me to get in contact to people I know and I want to talk to him, so they can see that in the time I was so shy to talk to that person, I have a strong interest of knowing him more.


“- A second change means telling the people I’m not as shy as I used to be.”
“-And also to see you’re not the Mr. Perfect guy who didn't want to cry because of those shocking events….”
“-I was afraid at that time, but I didn't want them to be concerned on me….”
“-But now everything has changed, you have overgrown in time those moments…”
“-And what if I make somebody happy?”
“-I don’t think they would get the attention that way….”
“-Mmmm, but why I can’t select my own friends? I think they could be awesome if they were friends….”
“-Maybe they don’t consider that the same. Also the circumstances would not be appropriate….”
“- They only don’t have time for me. It’s not fair…”


     I know I could be friends of anybody of the same sharing of ideas and also I could give the time on them if they consider the position I offer, only they need to understand I’m shy, so if you can get into my shyness, you will obtain my real personality. Also it would be fine not having any friend, because I spend emotional energy to maintain that friendship, if I don't get the retribution, my energy gets low, so a not refundable friendship is exhausting to me. But friendship is needed, because of the energy flow. Having not friends is fine, but the energy flow will not happen properly. Having friends will get fresh and positive energy, spendable to enjoy the best moments of life.