Well, after a lot of arrangements and a little bit of free time, I'm trying to make a good post so I can maintain a little bit my blog with lots of ideas. Now is this post.
On recent days, I have been thinking about a lot of things. I'm always thinking, that shouldn't be a wonder to me but it is. I have been testing and making things I haven't done or I haven't experienced. Sometimes those were successful things and sometimes there were a few little things that turned out bad. But I was still practicing....
It's like I hadn't had the chance on earlier years to make a good social interaction practice and now that the chance is happening, I'm starting to realize a lot of things in which I may understand a little more why normally I am this person.
People don't notice how much I have changed. Well, they do if they have treated with me and saw a difference since the first time they met me. I’m glad I at least I can notice that.
I really understand that I can't handle a lot of the conversations if I put importance in all of them, what I mean is that I care on the same intensity and time for everybody, it would be awesome if we could care about everybody. But people like me isn't as clever as to see when things aren't working the right way on social things to 'make a change and start again', that last thing should be one of the most challenging action for my personal experience. If I'm taking a long time trying to change, and general people ignoring those changes, is because I resist changing as a whole.
I can see it, if it isn't for the motivation of some people, I wouldn't dare to make an effort to improve. But I have this intuition that there should be at least one person I can share most of the things we would like, so I didn't give up. I may understand more about myself that I may not care about everybody else but the ones I consider they should be the ones I would want to hang out.
Why I can say that? It would be wonderful to go out and hang out and have fun with people and stay there and share experiences and laugh about it. But when I see it more deeply, I have a slight dependency of the things I do, my personal activities that are writing, or drawing, or programming, activities that consume personal time, actions in which other people aren't involved.
So I have to experience specific actions on conversation such as, put interest on what the other person says, know what he actually likes and if we can do something about it, experiencing what I would see as difficult phases of Friendship. Understanding of my personality, when people try to do things they don't know I don't like and being clear is difficult to make. Detachment on activities, not everything is going to be focus on a person. Confrontation of reality, when defiance is occurred and a solution must be done to make the bond of friendship stronger. Understanding of space, when we know when it's proper to see, when it's proper to have our own activities, and when to consider priorities on the bonding and actions to be done. Friendship pressure, when we have the right to insist on the constant validation of the bonding of friendship, motivations and event handling on all of those.
Some people like to hang out with lots of people as Friends, some other people would like one or two to hang out and that's fine. Some people like to be alone most of the time, with little important social interactions, and that's fine as long as they feel fine with themselves. As long as our emotional equilibrium is fine, whatever we do will be of our improvement. Hopefully our emotion can be stable on good friendship moment.
Somehow I know that meeting people is a hassle for me, but when they know me and open up, I can be more normal, but usually I might fail on certain things, but maybe it doesn’t matter to me.
Now that I can open up more bases and with that build some more, there are things that I can do better, and I might not feel alone if someone is gone for a while because I might rely on someone else, but of course I have priorities on who can share more things.... hehe
I’m learning and I can see why experienced people have a better development on talking and chatting with others than I do, but then I say that if I make my effort I can show my sympathy to them and get into the conversation too and sharing what I know too!
So that may be my position of Introversion with my attention to affection and feeling like I’m not in this world, that I have friends to make the effort to put, and, in advanced position, that I can be the one that can effectively cheer them up and also that they can cheer me up on upcoming problems.
I think the only way I might find new things is be more open to everyone else making the fact that I have to talk more even if it might hurt if I don’t know if that happens, I think if that happens I would understand and adapt to it. That’s what I might act, at least on the internet motion. Only I should be careful hehe
Well some long post I have made, so I guess that will help me see I can make the effort and not being sad about what I can’t have, because of all the things that I can share to others to be happy, and you know that better.
