People do things, people has activities they do on their free time. I just write and I’m on constant learning, fixing word errors. And I’m comfortably sit on the sofa drinking a nice coffee without caffeine while having a nice snack, getting up for occasional necessary trips around the house. Also I’m looking at my notebook and my computer with lots of open files, and then visiting lots of pages, then listening to music and still continue writing, thinking about those times when I visit someone else’s page and see, how wonderful his life is right now....
All of those are for lots of pages I had visited, and they are about what they publish and comment, how can make with their posts a nice interaction with other users, typing and blogging lots of things. I can’t understand how they can live in those worlds, and then look fine or look terrified about it, whatever their emotion they had right now. But then I just see their experiences and how much they have developed their position of their User-type. That’s impressing. Even though I knew Internet for a nice time, I just can’t stop admiring those who started before me, and saw all possibilities to be themselves or to be someone better that eventually they will become themselves.
In my life, I was searching for lots of things to happen, and in so many times, all those things didn't happen, no matter how I struggled to make it happen. So when I look someone doing the things I wished it could happen to me, I get somewhat sad. Plain sad. I might get depressed, or envious, maybe a bit dreamy, imaging myself really in that specific place. I might have been a little bit happier.
But then there is this part that I don’t realize what I’m saying. That part of me that can’t grasp the reality on the society I live: the dazing streets at night, the various clothing and their themed shirts, all what they carry on their backpacks, including trading cards, game consoles, some snack or notebook, or their favorite plushie. Their constant learning on memorizing their favorite scenes to be repeated with their friends and beyond over and over again, the stories that they tell, and the stories of the stories they tell about events, like a chain of events starting since childhood, all their music influence and the eventual definition of points of view, and of course their lack of fear of telling all the above....
That makes me think, if I don’t have one of those they mostly talk about, or they could all easily agree, will I never be part of that something I used to talk the Nerd-Type, those otaku-geek-gamer people they talk about all those manga-anime things? But then there are the programmer-developer-designer ones who talk about lots of what they do or what they see, and even more there is me who sees a lots of those people and feel that in neither can fit in.... And then, a concept upraises upon after all those experiences: I just feel I can’t fit properly in any of those groups, or I feel that whatever thing I say it might not be on the group, they could disband me from their group of friends.... In other words, a misfit, the one who can’t think on one thing without thinking of another, the one who searches for the proper definition of the things without altering the order of life. The one that fears what he can say, the one who can’t show all of what he likes because another person can do it better, or because other person doesn't like it; the one who can’t stand upon himself and tell people they have a wrong concept of himself, the one no one else considers, the one who wanted a specific thing and didn't realize the value he was giving to them.
Just because I don’t talk a lot, I don’t do a lot like them, I don’t express like them, or can’t show any feeling like them, doesn't mean that I DON’T LIKE being with them. I was just there, but nothing else.... I don’t know why they didn't tell me I was just losing time.... But then they were nice to me, then, their Pokemon, Dragon Ball or yu-gi-oh things they were talking, their gaming they only wanted to hear or their expertise on those games, all of those lead me to step back to them and feel small compared to them. But then, they didn't know how I was feeling at that time, I’m still able to confide my emotions from everyone else....
My lack of experience is my most fear, or I fear I feel someone has more experience than I am…. And those that are around me tell me that I don’t worry, but they don’t know they induced me to that liking and that I should do something special about it. That’s the main thing I can have FRIENDS I can rely on. But then the chain was broken way before I met them, so.... I don’t know if they can really understand what I’m posting right know, if they really care about it. Then feel the pity to me and telling me to stay strong, and starting a chain of apologies, but that’s not the chain I want.
Because other people don’t consider what I do, or what I can do to match the position they are, doesn’t mean I won’t stand behind on expressing myself who I am and the position and in which I am right now. I have base, I only have to express more openly to everyone else. I won’t care if else can’t understand that. Because I can base on myself, and on the ones we’re still on this.
I just need a little sleep and a little bit of hey everybody, I’m still here. In other words, promotion. That’s why I thank every little bit of consideration towards me, because with that I can assure I can be still on this and then, I can show you amazing things. Have hope and support in me and you’ll see.
So for this matter, and in the position of this username, I’m still here, and I count on you.
"Because for myself I must stand the position for what I like and for what I do, share it with you"
