As time passes one can't tell what to expect now,
'cause of doing the same to one again and again.
Ending up being quiet, not knowing what to say,
who to blame, what to complain, when to tell,
And people don't know what their actions shines,
and get influenced on others' emotions....
But we don't know either how they actually feel,
when we do something we seem to look natural,
but for them it's a unnecessary action and that
they feel it's too much to handle themselves...
A confused mind is still there unless I speak,
but that doesn't come out easily enough,
I only say distance wouldn't care because,
pointing far away is difficult anyway, and more
trying to reach it could be risky, it may hurt.
My own sphere is constantly getting bigger,
and at the same time, getting smaller.
I don't fit in any reality plane dimension area,
and my voice seems to fear to reclaim it,
at least with a little joke that seems real.
"Why you didn't invite me last time...?"
I admit I came late, that was too obvious,
I admit there's no other slot left behind,
People has their lives arranged and they
like to be that way, no need to change,
but that need of changing often of me,
people sees it at an abnormal situation.
Am I actually bad to people..? Can I be it?
Am I a bad person now? When did I become one?
Can a bad person become one because of silence,
not knowing what it was wrong before...?
And people still adds friends, people still comments,
people still is on-line, people still talks,
people still wants to do everything to feel they do,
and people believe they know what others do....
I don't know. And that's sad.
Not even dare to go to open chats.
I just wanted to know, or it's my stupid idea.
But they say it's not the moment now.
So when then? They don't even know either.
That my ambiance seems too normal that it's not.
Too sad to know I can't do anything if,
that anything has to be solved with the thing
I'm fearing the most, I marked my destiny.
So I know I'll be left behind, because they
have stronger influences and they know how.
They know how and I don't, people don't get it.
They get strong desire and I can't make it rise.
Left behind with my weak voice,
negating the need of feeling bad things,
as I believe because I can do better in this world
I can forget reality to explain to others.
But as ironic as it seems, I have this fear,
that people can make what I post for real.
Negating reality, sure ironic contrasting ideas.
And people still seems to be happy...!
I seem to be happy, I believed that a lot,
maybe I don't care about what I lose in crying,
though I shouldn't be doing that more than once,
not at least once per week, I should be strong.
They don't tell me to be strong, but they show it,
and even if I dislike to show what I'm going through,
and even if I dislike crying in front of others,
and even if it's difficult to tell what I feel,
and even if others would later comfort it with words,
they're still standing up on life...
Seeing them stand for life,
makes me notice I should too....
