Last week of the year is here now, and I'm using my position of User giving the name of Erick Medina, a.k.a. StndNerdBoy11, publishing on a kinda forgotten blog, "A Nerd's Adventure", making statements about this year, based on lots of experiences.
This year has been one with lots of changes and adaptations, if I'm still saying evolution has been a tough process is because of those changes, unexpected changes, unthinkable changes, things I have been not considering. It's not that this year hasn't been productive, in fact, well, if some things weren't done as expected, all what results are just learnings of life, and knowledge recollection.
But I can say, I've been through lots of things. I hope in this I can explain most of it:
Starting the year, I wasn't expecting too much of anything, just living a normal productive day-life as a developer, making programs as a main, drawing and writing as a hobby. I was a boy, I'm still a boy, not that I wanted to look it into that perspective but, I was of the kind of the ones that its only there when needed, nothing more productive than that. In a way, it was unproductive and far from the mission I was undertaking, putting aside the main part. There was a lot of learning from that though, organization of code and team structure, it wasn't hard. But then, I don't know if it was me or it was the others, somehow I didn't fit in them. It's not purely because of introversion, because of some limiting things I have it was supposed to overcome on the daily basis. I think I was going to learn how to be noticed on trial and error. But most of the time, they let me be, they weren't precise what to do, they were in a way ignoring me. Even though I was feeling fine I could do lots of things, in a way not doing a real thing to do was frustrating and it was leading me to no where.
Meanwhile, you know I have made nice drawings on my deviantArt account, mostly covering main characters, some after-year expression, happiness on the show, my birthday (that drawing looks awesome), some commission and contest entry and then some entries of the world cup.
But by the time "Frustration over Passion" was made, a bending of events was emerged.
A disruption of the bonding protection happened, on one of the many dimensions far away. Not giving any details about it, but there is one thing to know, when that happens, everything trembles, and in real life, that hurt me. As a User-type, one is willing to protect the boundary and the actions and channel the energy to positive towards its followers and known people. Knowing that a common bond is broken and not accessible anymore, meaning a response from the destination was not received, it really questions the power and the use someone is giving to the people to use it. But I guess that was the thing I couldn't made a lot of effort because of things. I don't want to feel guilty about it, because somehow I know, there is no need for me to act on this aspect.
But putting aside the disruption of the bonding protection, it wasn't the mere event, but of how common it was with the main part, how I wanna achieve things, and how important life is, and what not to do.... Looking it that way, it's hard to grasp it.
From that part, there was a misleading handling and a main position of keep the change and feel a goal must be achieved to feel something was doing right on this year. Not to say each day we don't achieve anything, but then its normal to feel we need to get higher, its in our human nature. Motivated by the Social First achievements of mid-year, it was time for me to do my own.
Based on what I have done, I told myself to go higher into new positions, and if necessary, make some sacrifices that won't affect lots of my everyday doing. So by the end of the third trimester, by the opportunity and help of the main Social Second, I decided to change what I was doing with the development of software, at least to feel more into my zone and be more productive. That process, was so difficult to make, because it was my first time, and because of the unexpected situations it could arise from that. So, in order to do that, all my focus went to maintain my own emotional thoughts into overcome real shyness and trembling, serious real social talking, and authority confrontation if necessary.
I still wonder how did I manage to do that, I still wonder if it was the right decision, because sacrifices of time/space were made. If all 2013 was difficult to me to draw because of other issues than 2012, this year it was a little even more difficult. Gaming, new opening of bondings, emotional channeling, frustration on the wait, lots of real issues to attend and space invasion in order to get a little more space in the end. I was in stand-by, but still blinking in light. It was still a moment of transition but, low-profile.
By the time the process was done, I was ready to start fresh new, with things I would know actually and with people I could gladly interact without a hassle, despite of what would they say. I would say on that part, it has been great. And somehow I found a point where I can happily do and share. I can say a symbolic evolution was opened to be reclaimed. The last 3 months, it was, waiting for the process of the new main to be made, Social First encounters, a November of adaptation and a December of structuring. Time has been a rival to face, but then, these last two weeks are to make peace with time. I'm not Page of Time for nothing :P
My mission here now is, for the next new year to come, is to return my normals before the third trimester, handle the process crystal clear, generate a revolution of ideas, handle the input and output of data, social data, notifications, requirements, in an objective positive way, take some notes on what to change and what to keep or discard. I'm still nervous and afraid I can't go through all of it, and in a way I kept on upgrading what I need to fulfill those needs.
I feel, expectations are forming for the next year, because, I really want to show all, what I can really do. It's just a matter of motivation and support of all of you, and the will to keep forward.
For now, I can take this moment to organize everything and make a good restart this next year.
Thanks to all of you for going with me this year!
