Social anxiety - what people can't see

Hello, this is me again. Trying to put more posts while this years end. I'll keep more effort on it.

So, social anxiety, after all these years, do I still have it...? I can say it has been a long battle, for me, because of the ambiance I'm living and the lack of resources that I'm increasingly getting along all that time. Sometimes I search for people to get inspiration from, but somehow I got stuck looking for local people, ant at my own ambiance where activities happen, they seem not to care a lot about it. While people are happily doing what the usually do, I have that sensation of  me going for something more. I don't know if that's what they felt like doing because there was nothing more to do, or maybe because they weren't feeling like prepared to go for it.
I know it's hard that I keep things up for myself, but when I know there are things I can achieve and when I know I can go for more, what I need is to really go for a great search adventure in which, I can really talk to all of the people I know. And in order to do that, I need to really overcome my anxiety, and start talking.
Before all of this blogging and drawing, putting comments on other people was difficult to me. I don't know really what I was really afraid of, I was thinking that I couldn't handle the position of maintaining the comment on the other person as my own. I was feeling insecure about it. Now I felt like not caring much about it, more on that I feel confident my words are for my own and I can keep a handle of what I'm saying, despite what other people would say.
Maybe the base of what I do is supportive friends online on which I talked to, that maybe that support made me feel more like myself. But there is another thing I felt that was helpful: I was more confident at myself that, even if I feel can't have any friend to rely on, I realize that showing that confidence I can put a form of security that, I can be friends with other people. It's just a matter now, of searching a little bit more, and put trust to the people I see it's good to put on.
I know people would give their time to build new things, or at least to form a new strategy that can really last, lets hope that happens.
But also, I want to revitalize those old friendships that were left behind, to really make sure I'm still here and that I'm making my effort to get out of my mind and talk to them. That's what people has to see from me, that's what people has to understand from me. That even with my anxiety of talking and explaining and stuff, I'm still making the effort, and people hopefully will see that effort.
There is the time where I struggle talking, even more now, I don't know why, it just happens, they seem not to understand or put it clear. But when they see, some people would like to point it out, and those are the people I want to rely on, to help me be better person.
Those people who wants me to be that and the people who I can rely on to learn more stuff are the people I really want to hang out with. People that can unleash my full potential and people that put me challenges that I can face to really see what life is about.
I'm struggling at the place I am right now, but I'm putting my effort to search for something better. And when I settle up my search a little, I can go for something more. I hope everyone can follow me and keep it up on this adventure, A Nerd's Adventure to beating my social anxiety, what people can't see.

Fighting Anxiety - of Actions and Time

(This is an Introduction...? of, maybe a series of "Fighting Anxiety"?, I don't know and I'm sorry if I'm not having any specific Idea on this post, hope it's still on the same topic.)

    Trying to make a specific statement of a problem is difficult, even more if I feel insecurity in me. Maybe I shouldn't make it a worrying problem, but maybe I should care about it. Those kinds of insecurity are making me feel anxious... oh.

    Maybe because I don't fit in all points that state the symptoms of someone who is suffering from anxiety or social problems, maybe because I'm mostly hearing the same from my family, even if they may get it or know it, but they were NOT fully aware of my problem. I didn't want that to have it, neither do other people with the same problem.

    But still I have to face it every day; so, "Fighting Anxiety": when it happens unexpectedly, how I try to evade it, how I try to deal with it.

Of Actions and Time

    I have written some Journal on my deviantart page, about what I've been struggling when I'm dealing with not being alone and around people at the same time.

    "I know, from the little experience I have, that people don't have good mood all the time, and maybe, they may won’t talk to you, or maybe they do, depending on what type of connection you have with the other person. It's kind of difficult to think that way."

    "I can't deny that I like my moments alone, and I think most people do. Well, I know they are people that can talk and use social networks to the maximum level that means they can spend the time talking. Most of the people I know in person don't do this too often. Or that's what I want to believe, they mostly watch anime, play videogames, stay a little time reading, doing chores or spending time with brothers, some others might do a little less of all of that to maintain a user-Position like deviantart or tumblr or another place. And also our personal projects and school stuff to attend, so, we have things to do and this is one of them."

    "We must take place on those things that are important to us and not feel like going more on something than other, just because comfort. It has to have meaning, and a certain time to do it."

    Having a change in Motion has made most of my last thinking cut off in half, and thinking it outside the space I was, it made me like, care a little less than last time, and be comfortable with my own ideas. I know that's not gonna be.

    I know also that depending on my mood, if I get a good sleep, eat well and else, causes of getting less/more anxious. If I sleep well and get my ideas in order, I'll get less anxious.

    Last months I wanted to rush lots of things, but doing it so made me lose time. I still have problems dealing with time, and I can't get a proper range of time in which due dates are to be proposed. I know certain things take less or more time, but trying to deal with lots of things I'm lacking, I may have learned a lot of things, but it cost me struggling things and unwanted emotions, maybe the things I lack experiencing.

    An now I know I can extend that range a little bit and act at a more calmed pace, at least on the things I want to learn, I want to do, I want to finish. And yeah, the evolution process I've been telling about is still on course, only that I need more time. No need to rush things you know. When the time and chance is proper, it will be done n__n

Well another post of today, see you around then.