Social Anxiety and Evasion of Direct Communication.

I'm doing it again... that's not cool... >/////<

    There're a bunch of  ideas surrounding me lately, with such force that it's making a lot of direct damage to the world within the mind of the Attribution of Motion and all its surrounding areas. Trying to deal with it has been more difficult than I thought. And just because I let open the bonding points so that I can deal on each of them. This situation is so serious a revival of this blog must have been done :B

    If you have been following me all this way I tell you that I started this blog (almost 4 years ago...!) with me stating that I have problems socializing with people, that I'm an Introverted person that keeps it to myself, and that his lack of social experience has been tough to deal with even starting a conversation with them! All those years of practice and dealing with new things has been a long process and then the position that gives the force that moves on has been in an up and down statement, where my emotions are giving me so much trouble to handle. 

    What it seems to be that  a nice second phase was on the way, and that evolution got the position into my hands, a bunch of unexpected events, and a bunch of defending events occurred, making what I fear that would happen: a lack of time and distance covered that makes the bond kinda unresponsive to data flow. On other words, a known bond would be difficult to stay in touch after a long period of time.

    The problem is being solved by trying to give the effort needed to recover from that situation. But there's a big problem emerging from that situation: myself being distracted due to different factors. Lacking concentration is one of the things that I hate the most. And I really do. Because if I can't handle all the situation at once I get desperate, anxious and even getting into a bad mood and suffer from it.

   As far as I know, normal people are used to handle all the things I'm handling right now! So why are those things emerging again as if nothing had changed from the time I was starting this blog...? Lack of rest, harsh events of main activities, even lack of time and creative ideas. What's more I'm trying to lose myself into data disruption and big data path branching connection, two things that can be dangerous if not used well, or if used selfishly. The main path is going trough the data bridge connection, where two worlds connect each other and establish the bonding needed to keep things cool in between themselves.

   Trying to surround the data from each User Point is easy if the path is easy to give. They don't seem to realize it, not even they care about it too. So trying to get information from that method is easy if you know what you're doing and if there's a right meaning to do it. If getting a form of obsessive motion, that's where things get complicated. And that's what failing corners appears because, if trying too much, chances are you're not gonna find anything useful in the end. 

    I tend not to go into direct motion, nor even question about lots of things that I have doubts about. Therefore trying to assume things on the information the User is giving. That seems not right and I admit it. If I'm trying to state it here is because I don't want to use it as a sole purpose to get information. I know that I can get it by talking, by making questions, trying to make a space to handle those questions, and trying to make an understanding with the other User Point.  if things go right you go follow that strategy, if things go not as expected trying to get new ways of understanding can make the position of trust and that the way you get to know the other person is because of wanting to have a good talk. 

    One of the things that I fear to do but it's nice to do it is state the worries to the other User, and what the bonding problems you have on that. If the other User acceded to give data and somehow a problem of communication emerges, it's good to make it know, also if possible make the other know how the talking and sharing are great things to do with that user. That having to talk with them is nice and cool and that I thank for that. 

    But also I don't want to worry them with lots of my personal emotional problems, too much..., they would think that I can't really handle it but the thing is: I can handle it, only that I need that little thing that I fear from time to time that I can't even do. That is: being myself with what I talk and ask what you feel the best you ask. Of course there are ways to ask, and somehow it will be better that way to ask it the right way so to see the other user that we're making the things right. I think with that it will make things better, and if something if people knows you and a weird things happens in the conversation, it can be solved easily by making the statement of passing by, and no big deal I guess.

   What I'm trying to do in the end is wanting to talk with users the best way possible, and don't doubt when trying to clear my doubts, because what I suffer the most from is the doubt, and my constant fear of not face that. Hope with this I can make clear again of what I'm gonna do next time I see you :B

The moment I realize I don't often realize about life...

Last week of the year is here now, and I'm using my position of User giving the name of Erick Medina, a.k.a. StndNerdBoy11, publishing on a kinda forgotten blog, "A Nerd's Adventure", making statements about this year, based on lots of experiences.

This year has been one with lots of changes and adaptations, if I'm still saying evolution has been a tough process is because of those changes, unexpected changes, unthinkable changes, things I have been not considering. It's not that this year hasn't been productive, in fact, well, if some things weren't done as expected, all what results are just learnings of life, and knowledge recollection.

But I can say, I've been through lots of things. I hope in this I can explain most of it:
Starting the year, I wasn't expecting too much of anything, just living a normal productive day-life as a developer, making programs as a main, drawing and writing as a hobby. I was a boy, I'm still a boy, not that I wanted to look it into that perspective but, I was of the kind of the ones that its only there when needed, nothing more productive than that. In a way, it was unproductive and far from the mission I was undertaking, putting aside the main part. There was a lot of learning from that though, organization of code and team structure, it wasn't hard. But then, I don't know if it was me or it was the others, somehow I didn't fit in them. It's not purely because of introversion, because of some limiting things I have it was supposed to overcome on the daily basis. I think I was going to learn how to be noticed on trial and error. But most of the time, they let me be, they weren't precise what to do, they were in a way ignoring me. Even though I was feeling fine I could do lots of things, in a way not doing a real thing to do was frustrating and it was leading me to no where.

Meanwhile, you know I have made nice drawings on my deviantArt account, mostly covering main characters, some after-year expression, happiness on the show, my birthday (that drawing looks awesome), some commission and contest entry and then some entries of the world cup.

But by the time "Frustration over Passion" was made, a bending of events was emerged.

A disruption of the bonding protection happened, on one of the many dimensions far away. Not giving any details about it, but there is one thing to know, when that happens, everything trembles, and in real life, that hurt me. As a User-type, one is willing to protect the boundary and the actions and channel the energy to positive towards its followers and known people. Knowing that a common bond is broken and not accessible anymore, meaning a response from the destination was not received, it really questions the power and the use someone is giving to the people to use it. But I guess that was the thing I couldn't made a lot of effort because of things. I don't want to feel guilty about it, because somehow I know, there is no need for me to act on this aspect.

But putting aside the disruption of the bonding protection, it wasn't the mere event, but of how common it was with the main part, how I wanna achieve things, and how important life is, and what not to do.... Looking it that way, it's hard to grasp it.

From that part, there was a misleading handling and a main position of keep the change and feel a goal must be achieved to feel something was doing right on this year. Not to say each day we don't achieve anything, but then its normal to feel we need to get higher, its in our human nature. Motivated by the Social First achievements of mid-year, it was time for me to do my own.

Based on what I have done, I told myself to go higher into new positions, and if necessary, make some sacrifices that won't affect lots of my everyday doing. So by the end of the third trimester, by the opportunity and help of the main Social Second, I decided to change what I was doing with the development of software, at least to feel more into my zone and be more productive. That process, was so difficult to make, because it was my first time, and because of the unexpected situations it could arise from that. So, in order to do that, all my focus went to maintain my own emotional thoughts into overcome real shyness and trembling, serious real social talking, and authority confrontation if necessary.

I still wonder how did I manage to do that, I still wonder if it was the right decision, because sacrifices of time/space were made. If all 2013 was difficult to me to draw because of other issues than 2012, this year it was a little even more difficult. Gaming, new opening of bondings, emotional channeling, frustration on the wait, lots of real issues to attend and space invasion in order to get a little more space in the end. I was in stand-by, but still blinking in light. It was still a moment of transition but, low-profile.

By the time the process was done, I was ready to start fresh new, with things I would know actually and with people I could gladly interact without a hassle, despite of what would they say. I would say on that part, it has been great. And somehow I found a point where I can happily do and share. I can say a symbolic evolution was opened to be reclaimed. The last 3 months, it was, waiting for the process of the new main to be made, Social First encounters, a November of adaptation and a December of structuring. Time has been a rival to face, but then, these last two weeks are to make peace with time. I'm not Page of Time for nothing :P

My mission here now is, for the next new year to come, is to return my normals before the third trimester, handle the process crystal clear, generate a revolution of ideas, handle the input and output of data, social data, notifications, requirements, in an objective positive way, take some notes on what to change and what to keep or discard. I'm still nervous and afraid I can't go through all of it, and in a way I kept on upgrading what I need to fulfill those needs.

I feel, expectations are forming for the next year, because, I really want to show all, what I can really do. It's just a matter of motivation and support of all of you, and the will to keep forward.

For now, I can take this moment to organize everything and make a good restart this next year.

Thanks to all of you for going with me this year!

Introversion strikes again

Hello, how are all of you? If you come from some link I sent lately, welcome to my blog. As you can see, I haven't got any time to update it, even though my position of user is still active with some tweets and some drawings. My evolution process has been not as visual as I really wanted. In fact this has been the year of changes, lots of changes, no real project could have been mantained up to the point to change again and in its basics. But one thing to say is that changes has been to provide a better form of user data content. So, maybe I might update this thing for a little while longer, while I have the inspiration to do it.

This inspiration, however, is the result of me being Introverted again. Why I say that? It's not because of myself in my entire position, because of the people that might imagine that part of myself. Let me explain.
Opening the gates of my social status, I have been learning a lot of things this year. Eventually there is the time to apply it and make a good use of it, then having the right tools of written expression and generation of ideas, I would get more fluent on my writing and thus making good responses and comments and even go a little bit more of my usual self. While certain requirements were occuring, I struggled to maintain that gate opening, and so being more introverted, or that is what I'm thinking.
You see, I might talk to lots of people and then talk to them again, and then try to make a good response of it, and then, kinda not make a response, neither an appearance of sorts, neither try to understand usual nonsense they might say they might want they want to do. All the things happened when the pressure of reality grew stronger against me.
Trying not to step back from it, I reminded myself of some sort of waiting progress, a long-waiting one, were doubts appeared suddenly and without advice, those ideas were blinding me and then trying to step back from usual modes. And to complicate things a little, looking the gloomy process I had to do, fearing of a data disruption that was more of a destructive force to my central position in which its essence was being heavily smashed but greatly defended, had to safeguard on my most developed form of data structured, like a pong trying to deliver a ball full of ideas and retributions and experience from other forms of data.
But then leaving behind things are kinda weird, but also normal becasue, running away because I can't handle my own emotions has been my own speciality. Not that I like it but I can't help trying to say something, especially if wanting to reach someone and not knowing what to do. At first it was only a few ones, being mostly rejected by them, now it has ben way more that that, and the response rate increased a little but still rejections were unavoidable, but still, I felt I made some progress.

Now I felt my introversion went in a high position because I don't feel the need of talking to people, because when I have the necesary things to feel happy, anything else could care less. One of those this are programming, and not any type of programming, good serious programming and game oriented, that was a satisfying thing to do. Drawing and playing games were another one. I can keep with that without any recess shyness and embarrassment nor people nor teamwork to do. It's just about me.
And before anything else, it's not that I don't like being with people, because my years of wanting to do that wouldn't be worth it. It's just that the power of people is greater of influence than others, and I should be prepared to deal with it.
There is something though. There is gonna be a moment I feel the need to channel all that introverted feeling and put order on everything so I can act as before with the add-ons of last things. It's only a matter of wait and know what to do to recover all those things left behind.

If I resguard myself from them is becasue I'm introverted and I need it.
But sure I need to know how to recover to normal all that bonding

Get a slow smartphone, Play Swing Copters!

I got to play Swing Copters (made by .GEARS) , and it's more fun than Flappy Bird, maybe because it isn't theme-related, because it was fun how the cute character was flying upwards trying not to be hit by those walls and swinging hammers

It was difficult at first, I was tapping endlessly trying to figure out how this character moves, believing by tapping a lot I would go upwards, like in the Flappy Bird version, but after a few frustrating tries, I got a little of what's going on. You tap once, it goes the other way around, you tap it again, it returns flying at one direction. It was either left or right, always upwards.

Even with that in mind, I got troubled by getting hit by those hammers, and they sure hit you from behind, but then you see it has some kind of movement, as if the cute character was dancing. When you tap the screen you would think it would automatically turn around, it turns around of course, but for a brief moment it still goes on one direction before going to the other direction. That lack of consideration made you collide with the objects and make you lose. Sure it was fun when I got desperate at times that happened.

But then I got the grip out of it and knew the flow of the movement and how I should go. Also it has to be with a certain rhythm, because if you stay at one direction, you may speed up and unable to stop going left when you supposed to go right. The movement is somewhat like a pendulum, tick, tock, tick, tock. You go like that and you have more chance to get a higher score.

But then I was looking at videos, and I saw, that the game went a little bit faster than mine, and then I thought: that's how I was getting more score than others, hehe.

So then it was my smartphone that made this game less stressful than others, I may take longer to get to the same score but I'm getting safer on obtaining it.

And on an Update data: hehe eventually they got Swing Copters to have an update, movement is more easy and obstacles easier to evade. But still, the same speed. If they have that same speed, so do I.

Just something I wanted to say about this game, it's cute, just people need patience to be more comfortable with it. People get influenced on other people, on media, and people are pressured on this fast-paced world. Most normal people aren't as good at videogames and having those apps on this normal world with the enough fame for all to play it, it's like a reaction chain ready to be triggered.

Breaking: Nerd Boy saved from Dental Disaster

"And just because I wanted to be 'brave' enough to deal it on my own >///<"

It's been a while since I get to see some clinic facility  to deal with emergency maneuvers, real emergency they say. It's not that I wanted to admit it but it was still hard. You see, I have braces, I'm not just portraying my character just because of that. I do have braces to deal, and it's been a long time I have it, it was supposed to have it ready, at least on a year ago. In fact, I was planning a "Braces Thing" series where I could talk about it. But problems arising and I don't know then. On the story.

Recently I had some dental adjustments where they place some of the tough 'metal-wired' thing around the upper teeth, and have it all adjusted with an array of tight 'suspenders' or those things around the braces but they were together, it looks like a chain. The thing is, almost completely with that, one of those things that get with the last teeth got detached. It wasn't dangerous and seems to be fine to at least be there. I didn't care as I didn't want to spend more time on that either. I got home and then I noticed it was too tedious to eat with that situation on hand. Again I didn't care a lot because I got to manage it.

Even in my sleep it was nice to deal with it. But yesterday, I tried to eat the best I could. Adding the fact the adjustment was hurting me, with all the tedious thing I was having a headache. Then I just tried to adjust it, move it around, I don't know, I did everything I had at my had to at least take it out. When I noticed my dental band was attached to another thing I couldn't take it away. Now my dental band had an alignment of 90 degrees downward, I just couldn't close my mouth. With that I wouldn't eat, nor sleep even!

But then I just returned home, as it nothing happened, I told I needed some arrangements to the dentist, but that It would be tomorrow, as if they didn't know how bad it was. In the afternoon I contacted them, but the receptionist said the one attending left already, and that I should call her tomorrow. Well, I was thinking on how to deal with it on the evening, but then down the kitchen my parents saw me and talked about my problem with my teeth, I just showed how it looked. They didn't liked how it looks.

They tried to help me to cut it out but it was useless. So the only option was to search some place to see some dentist to see what it can be done. It was around nine o'clock. Most of the places where it says 'dentist' were closed, but as they were driving and searching, I was a little scared on the insistence on having to look at someone to deal what they called an 'emergency' I wouldn't believe on that, or I didn't know what to expect.

We entered some clinic, this one was known because of one time I wanted to be Harry Potter without knowing him before (reserved for another story >///< ). We looked for a doctor that 'has the courage to deal with those situations' when I entered the lobby, I was being embarrassed of thinking that I really was to be treated as patient. Me still not understanding my emergency situation. I knew it was bothering me a lot but, why wasn't I thinking for that?

The clinic said they couldn't attend those kind of situations, but said the other clinic, conventionally located a few streets away, may deal with it. It was turning to be a lost hope. But they didn't think of that and we went there. I couldn't appreciate well before the location we arrived then has some nice installments. So then we entered and we explained the situation to the receptionists (the last one there seem to not to be any) when they looked by far my mouth they right away talked as to see they could deal with it. Somehow some nice looking man (I said nice looking because he looked young in red-blue shirt and jeans and a well maintained beard >///<) entered and somehow  greeted my parent. [The position of the Enlightened of Wisdom is famous with its pupils] Said he worked here. And when we explained why we were here, he got a thought look, as if how can we deal with this. Basically he is the man indicated for the job.

He entered to see how to deal it and then it let me enter to one of the clinic rooms, all and hospital bed and lots of utensils and, well, hospital things.... *worried look* I knew the maneuvers to be were orthodontic, and to deal with the powerful wire and all the bondings that didn't let that bothering thing to get out. After a few minutes of techniques that were splendid, everything was done. And without even knowing it that thing was out of my way and I could close my mouth more easily. We thanked the doctor, to be in the way to saved us (to save me >///<) My parent said it was some sort of "Attraction Law" that everything occurred the way it occurred. I don't know if I wanted to make assortment to that. But well, the thing is I could sleep better.

Thinking of a time like this, I get to wonder how I would react if I were to manage another similar or worse situation like this, should I really care or should I would let it be...? Well depending if that is hurting enough, but if I didn't considered this dental problem an emergency issue is because I would be able to manage it, but I thing it turned beyond my position of control.

I'm just ashamed for thinking that.

I'm thinking of really make my braces adventures a series of posts, once I can grasp the position of this blog,

Random Post of the Month

Hello, I  know it's been a while since I write here, a lot happened though, which it was time-consuming enough for me to take a break on some activities I was active before. I keep trying to re-establish everything for better solutions on organization, resource and generation of content.

I'm confident I can reach a certain level of productivity without times where I get too sleepy to do anything, I want to concentrate those for my times of sleeping, still recovering from my schedule.

As this random post of the month, I say, I'm using lots of sources I can make my generation of content, like better keyboard for fast typing and, other things I need to achieve. As a developer, even if it isn't needed at much, hardware is important to not losing time at moments. And for sure I don't want to travel to the sleep world knowing I'm losing my precious time for not making some developing, and of course I know I need to take my break, do a little exercise and not overdoing things when I'm not feeling well. Common sense it is.
In a lot of ways I can achieve what I want, only a matter of time and patience, only a matter of self-confidence and nice steps on looking around me and little achievements of life.

I'm still want to learn lots of things for a short time, not losing it for little things that can break anything not special. Somehow last year's learnings are helping me in a greater way than others, I just need some special action to continue, well I'm traveling the way and looking at flowers while walking, no we're still on the go.
I won't say anything else for know, let's just hope to search more what I'm doing, and say I won't leave any of my pages behind. I'll try to uphold those pages together and staying active.

Aaand, I keep delaying my evolution process on this blog, keep the patience with me and I'll do something about it. It just, this blog layout is still cute since the moment I placed it here.
I still like the background I have, maybe I'll use the same style for the other one :P