Feeling lonely...?

    I don’t know why things happen like a way you didn’t desire. Trying to be as good enough so people can notice me a little bit is kind of difficult. But when you get into those ideas, you get confused if what you are doing is right or enough to convince people….
    Sure the events happen to make a new post on this blog, when the proper inspiration comes to me, I can write something useful. So, I guess I should start by trying to get my ideas into proper arguments.
    I feel loneliness often, not only in School, but also in my house. I’m always trying to make a proper approach to people and say a bunch of words, but then I feel I don’t have enough inspiration on what to talk to them, and so the dialog finishes. I feel weird when this happens, when people tend not to show interest on you with their talking, I feel like it, or I believe I do so. I see people and they have an invincible barrier I cannot pass easily. There are in their business and that’s when I say that it’s not good to meddle into peoples’ conversations…. Maybe that’s one of the things I cannot overcome, because I think I’m bothering only, because I know I have nothing to share about the topic they were talking….
    Also, they have their own lives and they know each other since a long time (or a very significant short time…?) I think I just got a little bit how to get the other person interesting. Just have to be talking to him most of the time, or have common ideas you share with him, and then you will get along better. Getting friends are not my kind, especially when the time-space moments are so unstable. I said Internet was the answer, but that I need support to maintain that idea. That’s why I haven’t done much lately….
    But the main thing I fear is to show to an inappropriate person all my personality of who I am. I post things and other things I think it could be funny to everyone, but it doesn’t get the proper attention…, I can’t show everything, just the things that I like. The thing is the way that person reacts, why if it is a person you want to meet the most, and the reaction of him is not what you have expected? Maybe being too careful is being doubtful at the same time. I can make a proper access if it is not my time-space, but I can rely to the Internet to have the connection of meeting, just I need to prove I’m not a strange person….
    Also, I can’t put my efforts to maintain a strong emotion, occurred when someone scolds at me, screams and yells and says harsh things to me. I won’t know how to act to those situations, and then I may cry about it, because of the mean things they have said…. Maybe I need to be scolded more, so my tears fall easier and not get too important about it, maybe that way I can learn to tolerate those kind of events, because I just got the luck to not getting scolded by my actions (because of course they are good, and I would do everything in order to not getting scolded….)
    If I get scolded, I feel weird, and then I can think in a lot of events involving that person and making a lot of situations, trying to make an idea of what would happen if I act in one way or another. Maybe I should act fiercely and yell at him also, maybe I can tell him in what things he was wrong, or maybe I should act in a way it could express my discomfort of the situation. But when I see the person next morning, my supposed nuisance disappears, so my expressions of response are useless.
    Maybe I should tell him, in an assertive way of saying the things, telling my feeling towards it, without any change of the situation at all, because in a way we are involved in that, so each should take its own responsibility. Waiting so I cannot release my instinctive feeling, that it’s usually strong, in order to say it when I can get my ideas in order.

“I feel that my personality need friends I can rely on, but I’m not sure if it’s only because I see it from others…”


    I can’t tell if I’m an introvert that is dependent, in need of people, or an extrovert that needs its daily social communication. I say it is the first statement, because I can spend I day not talking with a lot of people, and I don’t get too desperate if I don’t talk to anyone, I can handle my loneliness well, heheh.
    But I know it’s good to have friends, so I’m doing a more reliable effort to maintain that idea of talking to people and learn from them, experiences and all.  So, Introversion doesn’t mean you don’t feel the ambiance when people gather to talk each other, neither does mean you don’t feel the need to talk to someone if it is really important to do so.  People are social, Introverts or Extroverts, we need each other, just don’t leave behind someone who wants to talk to you at least 5 minutes of your time. Maybe it’s difficult in that part, because you may not handle all of the connections of friendship at the same time, but you can make the effort to make someone happy. Maybe you need happiness too, but as someone says, “Sometimes the person who tries to keep everyone happy is the loneliest person”…, trying to make everyone not to argue each other with nonsense, but it takes the risk of not being into a proper group.
    When time comes, don't be surprised if I suddenly start talking about things you understand, and other awesome things, just I'm only testing if I can get into higher positions of expression..., and have a good talking with interesting people!