So, this blog has been a space where I can publish and express all of myself. And mostly it has helped me understand who I am and what I want to become. Also to overcome my insecurities and try to be a little bit more social. Not only having friends, also getting nice one-to-one interactions.
As for now I've been handling out a bunch of things to create and unlock new features of myself, new features for this user, new functions and helpers to make assistance of the current situation I'm having now.
There's been a lot of work on my side, giving up some actions to maintain the pace I'm into. I feel like I'm making my best effort to get the balance needed on the activities. I really do things to make notice of what I'm doing.
The thing is all that experience I have, I show it to you. But seems like I can't show beyond that point. Well it's kinda obvious research is a must. But as you can clearly see, most of my drawings express my introversion, my shyness, my way to see life.... It hasn't been mostly about fan arts some has recommended me, or any situation that really involves family, friends, relationships, any kind of social interaction..., because..., I haven't really been a lot through that...
And as you see, most of the movies and shows involves people talking, people interacting with other people, having conversations they can clearly manage within their range of ideas they have. They know how to talk and how to keep it going with the conversation if there is another topic or random thing there is to be talked about. At one point, they know well what the other likes and gives a nice conversation about it.
One of the things I've discovered is that, no matter when you meet a person or how long haven't you talked to that person, if the conversation is on, there is always something new you can ask to get what he likes the most. I know that people can't have something with me because of how I'm giving the information when talking, and people sometimes won't like to start a conversation, so there will be times where I should want to be the one starting a conversation with a topic I know it would make us feel nice to both....
It has been a very long process, having to go for virtual friendships to make step by step on the lack of experience I have on that. Then trying to translate it in form of real life friendship and get the benefit of dealing with their conversations.
I've been mostly alone on this..., and to keep saying I'm a shy boy, that I can't deal with talking and verbal expression, has been a very difficult process to apply, because they mostly wouldn't understand how I would feel at that moment. And when I thought I could go for something more, I discover that I get so nervous I can't really deal with the situation, and run away...
Like that time where I wanted to be friends with someone, tried to make my effort to make it happen, but got too nervous think of the idea of not wanting to lose him. Because of things. But then to realize IRL friendship wasn't the answer. If that wasn't the answer, then how to make it happen...? People would assume, I would have other friends, but that's not true. They were biased by my conformity and my lack of knowledge. How could I ever want it to learn...?
But then, lots of things.... Virtual friendships are something that if I depend a lot of them, I would go down if a lack of communication exists, even a IRL friendship moment isn't the proper one, because of displacement of time/space. I should have my introverted moments, I should have my moment with friends, and I have the things where I can share, whatever thing I feel to all or to some. It's how it works with communication, and social data.
Hopefully, someone would really assert friendship as it is, as how people go and say and do and go places and so. Not getting into my own normal introverted first social centrism of data, trying to give my own idea of what I see of the world. Then I would actually feel I'm stable at handling data, and not constantly thinking they're not talking with me because they're occupied or not having time for you, which can be true, but it doesn't have to affect me...
