I guess I'll make lots of explanations on why this blog has been stopped or not being able to continue all along. It's simple. First there is not a lot of feedback, and second I mostly talk about myself and stuff. Not a lot of people would be interested on what I say, unless some can be related to what I'm saying here.
It's been days of lots of confusion and days where I say, why I'm doing this, but seems that's more comfortable for now to struggle all of what I'm doing so I can't get out and face bigger problems. I have bigger problems so much, I can't rely only on my own position any more. Because, let's think about it a little bit: one person, introverted and reserved in its own position, shattered by the external forces, not being able to recover from that, even if in the most of the efforts it could do it, turns out he can't revert that personal position. Feeling sad about this, all of that is thought about lots and lots of times. And by the time of consumption it may take away all what he was before....
I've lost lots of things last year, sadly. Not being able to recover or do something about it. Also I put lots of important things aside, and people around, even if telling me to do something about it, it's still on the same position. I feel like only being just there not doing lots of stuff, and more than ever with the recent situation, I've lost most of my data available of recovery. Not that I can worry of that any more, but it's that feeling that it only remembers you the past but it can't be recovered by normal means.
Now I'm in a position I feel scared about myself, how I can treat people with a hole on my mind and heart. Feel like if something could be mentioned and I might fall again deep into the dark. And it's hard to recover from those feelings of anxiety and despair. I know all what I have to do isn't going to be easy. I would need a force way too stronger than the force I was maintaining to keep on my own track. But somehow there is like a subtle feeling of freedom, that subtle thing you tell yourself you can now freely go around and be truly yourself, without really feeling guilty about lots of stuff going around.
Now, last year strategy of the gimmick deviation of thoughts and ideas, I know I wasn't going to maintain all that, not because I couldn't, because that was only a main part to evade all thoughts and ideas that it may affect my position. If I felt last time that I was again evading reality an my destiny, is because I was protecting myself from being hurt, again. And really, protecting myself from data, so I can't be overwhelmed, so I can't become someone I don't want, someone that might get anger thoughts, trying to reclaim things I can't get.
Internet has been a struggle too for Introverts who only wanted to feel secure and listened by other people too. but I can tell all what I've been through has been because of the support of lots of people who care who I am and let me be who I am too. It's a nice feeling to finally grasp this point and not trying to rely only on my own positions and my own retributions. It's not that I don't want to do it, it's just that, being in the position I am right now, I can't let my own thoughts to be wandering around me. People shouldn't let me try to handle my thoughts alone, and again, not that I can't eventually, it's just because it would be easier to cope with my situation of anxiety and all the last stuff happened.
If something good can come out of this, is that I might be finally able to construct lots of things that are more reliable now to exist, rather that all the past of what it has been. It was good at that stage, but if I can improve that, I would feel better to myself, I would live the present more.
With that in mind, I'm aiming to achieve lots of stuff that might do a new generic data that will help me understand myself better, which helps me spend more my time to get things done, to learn, to share, to make content, to make renewed ideas from the past one, to really focus on essential things that really gives me the realization of what I'm going to do, at least for this year.
So yeah, anyone who wants to keep up with my adventures you are welcome to follow this blog and keep up what I do, it could be drawings, it could be writing stuff, it could be anything. It's my space I'm sharing for all of you who visit here, but I'm open to suggestions and anything I can give a good answer, so thanks for all your support :B
