After June Post

Hello there.
So, this blog has been a space where I can publish and express all of myself. And mostly it has helped me understand who I am and what I want to become. Also to overcome my insecurities and try to be a little bit more social. Not only having friends, also getting nice one-to-one interactions.
As for now I've been handling out a bunch of things to create and unlock new features of myself, new features for this user, new functions and helpers to make assistance of the current situation I'm having now. 

There's been a lot of work on my side, giving up some actions to maintain the pace I'm into. I feel like I'm making my best effort to get the balance needed on the activities. I really do things to make notice of what I'm doing. 

The thing is all that experience I have, I show it to you. But seems like I can't show beyond that point. Well it's kinda obvious research is a must. But as you can clearly see, most of my drawings express my introversion, my shyness, my way to see life.... It hasn't been mostly about fan arts some has recommended me, or any situation that really involves family, friends, relationships, any kind of social interaction..., because..., I haven't really been a lot through that...

And as you see, most of the movies and shows involves people talking, people interacting with other people, having conversations they can clearly manage within their range of ideas they have. They know how to talk and how to keep it going with the conversation if there is another topic or random thing there is to be talked about. At one point, they know well what the other likes and gives a nice conversation about it. 

One of the things I've discovered is that, no matter when you meet a person or how long haven't you talked to that person, if the conversation is on, there is always something new you can ask to get what he likes the most. I know that people can't have something with me because of how I'm giving the information when talking, and people sometimes won't like to start a conversation, so there will be times where I should want to be the one starting a conversation with a topic I know it would make us feel nice to both....

It has been a very long process, having to go for virtual friendships to make step by step on the lack of experience I have on that. Then trying to translate it in form of real life friendship and get the benefit of dealing with their conversations. 

I've been mostly alone on this..., and to keep saying I'm a shy boy, that I can't deal with talking and verbal expression, has been a very difficult process to apply, because they mostly wouldn't understand how I would feel at that moment. And when I thought I could go for something more, I discover that I get so nervous I can't really deal with the situation, and run away...


Like that time where I wanted to be friends with someone, tried to make my effort to make it happen, but got too nervous think of the idea of not wanting to lose him. Because of things. But then to realize IRL friendship wasn't the answer. If that wasn't the answer, then how to make it happen...? People would assume, I would have other friends, but that's not true. They were biased by my conformity and my lack of knowledge. How could I ever want it to learn...? 

But then, lots of things.... Virtual friendships are something that if I depend a lot of them, I would go down if a lack of communication exists, even   a IRL friendship moment isn't the proper one, because of  displacement of  time/space. I should have my introverted moments, I should have my moment with friends, and I have the things where I can share, whatever thing I feel to all or to some. It's how it works with communication, and social data.

Hopefully, someone would really assert friendship as it is, as how people go and say and do and go places and so. Not getting into my own normal introverted first social centrism of data, trying to give my own idea of what I see of the world. Then I would actually feel I'm stable at handling data, and not constantly thinking they're not talking with me because they're occupied or not having time for you, which can be true, but it doesn't have to affect me...

A fast writing while on morning days

    It has been days of thinking and days of not being able to create more content for data flow. It has been days where lots of people didn't know how I was and how I was making the things I was doing in order to make more reliable content to see. It has been lots of days where I was lost into what I thought it was my comfort zone but it wasn't so true...

   "I was running,  running and running, my feet wouldn't stop running. I wasn't being able to see what was the endpoint and what I was doing in this unusual world. Suddenly a blast of light hit me with all his might. I was unable to catch it and made me feel unbalanced for a bit. But still I was running. Running without tripping, running without falling apart,  running without having to stop. "
    "After so many hits, I realized what to do. And so what I did is simple: try to evade it or try to reflect it. That is the following path onto this world. And I wouldn't find it until I get a proper way to deal with all this coming data and feel comfortable with myself..."

    I was into that world,  after so many other obstacles in life,  somehow my whole essential needed to be able to get his very own path to follow in life. I kinda like it. It's may not be the best thing, it may not be the right thing, it may not even be how society looks it or how my family looks it, but I like it. If it weren't I wouldn't really feel comfortable about it.
    There is though things that has to be settled in order to make this to happen. I don't know what has to be,  but it has to be done. I wasn't able to make a writing about basic position of elementary statements. It needs a force of overpowering energy, and action of time focus and the restriction of all incoming data that may bias our thought on that moment. Because of the last one I couldn't be able to look upon the elevation of data. There are things to be settled to be more sure to myself.  There are things that has to be done in order to place a better me and cope with emotions all the time and know what to do on trembling situations. 

And so I can do more blogging so it's gonna be a nice day and  a nice week too.

"A Nerd's Adventure" turns 4

    And with that, and despite the disconnection with this blog, we achieved 170 blog posts overall, being more famous:  This story, and this important post.
    Kinda that two posts were meaningful, because of the impact of the information provided, and also because of stats :B And curiously it had to happen continuously. Maybe because of lots of things that happened on that day, but still it's has been harsh to maintain a position and place things to do in between other important things to do.
    Need to be organized on that in order to maintain the position again and make an equilibrium of data x3. But yeah, hope to get into thins more often and still share nice things with you.

Social Anxiety and Evasion of Direct Communication.

I'm doing it again... that's not cool... >/////<

    There're a bunch of  ideas surrounding me lately, with such force that it's making a lot of direct damage to the world within the mind of the Attribution of Motion and all its surrounding areas. Trying to deal with it has been more difficult than I thought. And just because I let open the bonding points so that I can deal on each of them. This situation is so serious a revival of this blog must have been done :B

    If you have been following me all this way I tell you that I started this blog (almost 4 years ago...!) with me stating that I have problems socializing with people, that I'm an Introverted person that keeps it to myself, and that his lack of social experience has been tough to deal with even starting a conversation with them! All those years of practice and dealing with new things has been a long process and then the position that gives the force that moves on has been in an up and down statement, where my emotions are giving me so much trouble to handle. 

    What it seems to be that  a nice second phase was on the way, and that evolution got the position into my hands, a bunch of unexpected events, and a bunch of defending events occurred, making what I fear that would happen: a lack of time and distance covered that makes the bond kinda unresponsive to data flow. On other words, a known bond would be difficult to stay in touch after a long period of time.

    The problem is being solved by trying to give the effort needed to recover from that situation. But there's a big problem emerging from that situation: myself being distracted due to different factors. Lacking concentration is one of the things that I hate the most. And I really do. Because if I can't handle all the situation at once I get desperate, anxious and even getting into a bad mood and suffer from it.

   As far as I know, normal people are used to handle all the things I'm handling right now! So why are those things emerging again as if nothing had changed from the time I was starting this blog...? Lack of rest, harsh events of main activities, even lack of time and creative ideas. What's more I'm trying to lose myself into data disruption and big data path branching connection, two things that can be dangerous if not used well, or if used selfishly. The main path is going trough the data bridge connection, where two worlds connect each other and establish the bonding needed to keep things cool in between themselves.

   Trying to surround the data from each User Point is easy if the path is easy to give. They don't seem to realize it, not even they care about it too. So trying to get information from that method is easy if you know what you're doing and if there's a right meaning to do it. If getting a form of obsessive motion, that's where things get complicated. And that's what failing corners appears because, if trying too much, chances are you're not gonna find anything useful in the end. 

    I tend not to go into direct motion, nor even question about lots of things that I have doubts about. Therefore trying to assume things on the information the User is giving. That seems not right and I admit it. If I'm trying to state it here is because I don't want to use it as a sole purpose to get information. I know that I can get it by talking, by making questions, trying to make a space to handle those questions, and trying to make an understanding with the other User Point.  if things go right you go follow that strategy, if things go not as expected trying to get new ways of understanding can make the position of trust and that the way you get to know the other person is because of wanting to have a good talk. 

    One of the things that I fear to do but it's nice to do it is state the worries to the other User, and what the bonding problems you have on that. If the other User acceded to give data and somehow a problem of communication emerges, it's good to make it know, also if possible make the other know how the talking and sharing are great things to do with that user. That having to talk with them is nice and cool and that I thank for that. 

    But also I don't want to worry them with lots of my personal emotional problems, too much..., they would think that I can't really handle it but the thing is: I can handle it, only that I need that little thing that I fear from time to time that I can't even do. That is: being myself with what I talk and ask what you feel the best you ask. Of course there are ways to ask, and somehow it will be better that way to ask it the right way so to see the other user that we're making the things right. I think with that it will make things better, and if something if people knows you and a weird things happens in the conversation, it can be solved easily by making the statement of passing by, and no big deal I guess.

   What I'm trying to do in the end is wanting to talk with users the best way possible, and don't doubt when trying to clear my doubts, because what I suffer the most from is the doubt, and my constant fear of not face that. Hope with this I can make clear again of what I'm gonna do next time I see you :B

The moment I realize I don't often realize about life...

Last week of the year is here now, and I'm using my position of User giving the name of Erick Medina, a.k.a. StndNerdBoy11, publishing on a kinda forgotten blog, "A Nerd's Adventure", making statements about this year, based on lots of experiences.

This year has been one with lots of changes and adaptations, if I'm still saying evolution has been a tough process is because of those changes, unexpected changes, unthinkable changes, things I have been not considering. It's not that this year hasn't been productive, in fact, well, if some things weren't done as expected, all what results are just learnings of life, and knowledge recollection.

But I can say, I've been through lots of things. I hope in this I can explain most of it:
Starting the year, I wasn't expecting too much of anything, just living a normal productive day-life as a developer, making programs as a main, drawing and writing as a hobby. I was a boy, I'm still a boy, not that I wanted to look it into that perspective but, I was of the kind of the ones that its only there when needed, nothing more productive than that. In a way, it was unproductive and far from the mission I was undertaking, putting aside the main part. There was a lot of learning from that though, organization of code and team structure, it wasn't hard. But then, I don't know if it was me or it was the others, somehow I didn't fit in them. It's not purely because of introversion, because of some limiting things I have it was supposed to overcome on the daily basis. I think I was going to learn how to be noticed on trial and error. But most of the time, they let me be, they weren't precise what to do, they were in a way ignoring me. Even though I was feeling fine I could do lots of things, in a way not doing a real thing to do was frustrating and it was leading me to no where.

Meanwhile, you know I have made nice drawings on my deviantArt account, mostly covering main characters, some after-year expression, happiness on the show, my birthday (that drawing looks awesome), some commission and contest entry and then some entries of the world cup.

But by the time "Frustration over Passion" was made, a bending of events was emerged.

A disruption of the bonding protection happened, on one of the many dimensions far away. Not giving any details about it, but there is one thing to know, when that happens, everything trembles, and in real life, that hurt me. As a User-type, one is willing to protect the boundary and the actions and channel the energy to positive towards its followers and known people. Knowing that a common bond is broken and not accessible anymore, meaning a response from the destination was not received, it really questions the power and the use someone is giving to the people to use it. But I guess that was the thing I couldn't made a lot of effort because of things. I don't want to feel guilty about it, because somehow I know, there is no need for me to act on this aspect.

But putting aside the disruption of the bonding protection, it wasn't the mere event, but of how common it was with the main part, how I wanna achieve things, and how important life is, and what not to do.... Looking it that way, it's hard to grasp it.

From that part, there was a misleading handling and a main position of keep the change and feel a goal must be achieved to feel something was doing right on this year. Not to say each day we don't achieve anything, but then its normal to feel we need to get higher, its in our human nature. Motivated by the Social First achievements of mid-year, it was time for me to do my own.

Based on what I have done, I told myself to go higher into new positions, and if necessary, make some sacrifices that won't affect lots of my everyday doing. So by the end of the third trimester, by the opportunity and help of the main Social Second, I decided to change what I was doing with the development of software, at least to feel more into my zone and be more productive. That process, was so difficult to make, because it was my first time, and because of the unexpected situations it could arise from that. So, in order to do that, all my focus went to maintain my own emotional thoughts into overcome real shyness and trembling, serious real social talking, and authority confrontation if necessary.

I still wonder how did I manage to do that, I still wonder if it was the right decision, because sacrifices of time/space were made. If all 2013 was difficult to me to draw because of other issues than 2012, this year it was a little even more difficult. Gaming, new opening of bondings, emotional channeling, frustration on the wait, lots of real issues to attend and space invasion in order to get a little more space in the end. I was in stand-by, but still blinking in light. It was still a moment of transition but, low-profile.

By the time the process was done, I was ready to start fresh new, with things I would know actually and with people I could gladly interact without a hassle, despite of what would they say. I would say on that part, it has been great. And somehow I found a point where I can happily do and share. I can say a symbolic evolution was opened to be reclaimed. The last 3 months, it was, waiting for the process of the new main to be made, Social First encounters, a November of adaptation and a December of structuring. Time has been a rival to face, but then, these last two weeks are to make peace with time. I'm not Page of Time for nothing :P

My mission here now is, for the next new year to come, is to return my normals before the third trimester, handle the process crystal clear, generate a revolution of ideas, handle the input and output of data, social data, notifications, requirements, in an objective positive way, take some notes on what to change and what to keep or discard. I'm still nervous and afraid I can't go through all of it, and in a way I kept on upgrading what I need to fulfill those needs.

I feel, expectations are forming for the next year, because, I really want to show all, what I can really do. It's just a matter of motivation and support of all of you, and the will to keep forward.

For now, I can take this moment to organize everything and make a good restart this next year.

Thanks to all of you for going with me this year!

Introversion strikes again

Hello, how are all of you? If you come from some link I sent lately, welcome to my blog. As you can see, I haven't got any time to update it, even though my position of user is still active with some tweets and some drawings. My evolution process has been not as visual as I really wanted. In fact this has been the year of changes, lots of changes, no real project could have been mantained up to the point to change again and in its basics. But one thing to say is that changes has been to provide a better form of user data content. So, maybe I might update this thing for a little while longer, while I have the inspiration to do it.

This inspiration, however, is the result of me being Introverted again. Why I say that? It's not because of myself in my entire position, because of the people that might imagine that part of myself. Let me explain.
Opening the gates of my social status, I have been learning a lot of things this year. Eventually there is the time to apply it and make a good use of it, then having the right tools of written expression and generation of ideas, I would get more fluent on my writing and thus making good responses and comments and even go a little bit more of my usual self. While certain requirements were occuring, I struggled to maintain that gate opening, and so being more introverted, or that is what I'm thinking.
You see, I might talk to lots of people and then talk to them again, and then try to make a good response of it, and then, kinda not make a response, neither an appearance of sorts, neither try to understand usual nonsense they might say they might want they want to do. All the things happened when the pressure of reality grew stronger against me.
Trying not to step back from it, I reminded myself of some sort of waiting progress, a long-waiting one, were doubts appeared suddenly and without advice, those ideas were blinding me and then trying to step back from usual modes. And to complicate things a little, looking the gloomy process I had to do, fearing of a data disruption that was more of a destructive force to my central position in which its essence was being heavily smashed but greatly defended, had to safeguard on my most developed form of data structured, like a pong trying to deliver a ball full of ideas and retributions and experience from other forms of data.
But then leaving behind things are kinda weird, but also normal becasue, running away because I can't handle my own emotions has been my own speciality. Not that I like it but I can't help trying to say something, especially if wanting to reach someone and not knowing what to do. At first it was only a few ones, being mostly rejected by them, now it has ben way more that that, and the response rate increased a little but still rejections were unavoidable, but still, I felt I made some progress.

Now I felt my introversion went in a high position because I don't feel the need of talking to people, because when I have the necesary things to feel happy, anything else could care less. One of those this are programming, and not any type of programming, good serious programming and game oriented, that was a satisfying thing to do. Drawing and playing games were another one. I can keep with that without any recess shyness and embarrassment nor people nor teamwork to do. It's just about me.
And before anything else, it's not that I don't like being with people, because my years of wanting to do that wouldn't be worth it. It's just that the power of people is greater of influence than others, and I should be prepared to deal with it.
There is something though. There is gonna be a moment I feel the need to channel all that introverted feeling and put order on everything so I can act as before with the add-ons of last things. It's only a matter of wait and know what to do to recover all those things left behind.

If I resguard myself from them is becasue I'm introverted and I need it.
But sure I need to know how to recover to normal all that bonding