Last week of the year is here now, and I'm using my position of User giving the name of Erick Medina, a.k.a. StndNerdBoy11, publishing on a kinda forgotten blog, "A Nerd's Adventure", making statements about this year, based on lots of experiences.
This year has been one with lots of changes and adaptations, if I'm still saying evolution has been a tough process is because of those changes, unexpected changes, unthinkable changes, things I have been not considering. It's not that this year hasn't been productive, in fact, well, if some things weren't done as expected, all what results are just learnings of life, and knowledge recollection.
But I can say, I've been through lots of things. I hope in this I can explain most of it:
Starting the year, I wasn't expecting too much of anything, just living a normal productive day-life as a developer, making programs as a main, drawing and writing as a hobby. I was a boy, I'm still a boy, not that I wanted to look it into that perspective but, I was of the kind of the ones that its only there when needed, nothing more productive than that. In a way, it was unproductive and far from the mission I was undertaking, putting aside the main part. There was a lot of learning from that though, organization of code and team structure, it wasn't hard. But then, I don't know if it was me or it was the others, somehow I didn't fit in them. It's not purely because of introversion, because of some limiting things I have it was supposed to overcome on the daily basis. I think I was going to learn how to be noticed on trial and error. But most of the time, they let me be, they weren't precise what to do, they were in a way ignoring me. Even though I was feeling fine I could do lots of things, in a way not doing a real thing to do was frustrating and it was leading me to no where.
Meanwhile, you know I have made nice drawings on my deviantArt account, mostly covering main characters, some after-year expression, happiness on the show, my birthday (that drawing looks awesome), some commission and contest entry and then some entries of the world cup.
But by the time "Frustration over Passion" was made, a bending of events was emerged.
A disruption of the bonding protection happened, on one of the many dimensions far away. Not giving any details about it, but there is one thing to know, when that happens, everything trembles, and in real life, that hurt me. As a User-type, one is willing to protect the boundary and the actions and channel the energy to positive towards its followers and known people. Knowing that a common bond is broken and not accessible anymore, meaning a response from the destination was not received, it really questions the power and the use someone is giving to the people to use it. But I guess that was the thing I couldn't made a lot of effort because of things. I don't want to feel guilty about it, because somehow I know, there is no need for me to act on this aspect.
But putting aside the disruption of the bonding protection, it wasn't the mere event, but of how common it was with the main part, how I wanna achieve things, and how important life is, and what not to do.... Looking it that way, it's hard to grasp it.
From that part, there was a misleading handling and a main position of keep the change and feel a goal must be achieved to feel something was doing right on this year. Not to say each day we don't achieve anything, but then its normal to feel we need to get higher, its in our human nature. Motivated by the Social First achievements of mid-year, it was time for me to do my own.
Based on what I have done, I told myself to go higher into new positions, and if necessary, make some sacrifices that won't affect lots of my everyday doing. So by the end of the third trimester, by the opportunity and help of the main Social Second, I decided to change what I was doing with the development of software, at least to feel more into my zone and be more productive. That process, was so difficult to make, because it was my first time, and because of the unexpected situations it could arise from that. So, in order to do that, all my focus went to maintain my own emotional thoughts into overcome real shyness and trembling, serious real social talking, and authority confrontation if necessary.
I still wonder how did I manage to do that, I still wonder if it was the right decision, because sacrifices of time/space were made. If all 2013 was difficult to me to draw because of other issues than 2012, this year it was a little even more difficult. Gaming, new opening of bondings, emotional channeling, frustration on the wait, lots of real issues to attend and space invasion in order to get a little more space in the end. I was in stand-by, but still blinking in light. It was still a moment of transition but, low-profile.
By the time the process was done, I was ready to start fresh new, with things I would know actually and with people I could gladly interact without a hassle, despite of what would they say. I would say on that part, it has been great. And somehow I found a point where I can happily do and share. I can say a symbolic evolution was opened to be reclaimed. The last 3 months, it was, waiting for the process of the new main to be made, Social First encounters, a November of adaptation and a December of structuring. Time has been a rival to face, but then, these last two weeks are to make peace with time. I'm not Page of Time for nothing :P
My mission here now is, for the next new year to come, is to return my normals before the third trimester, handle the process crystal clear, generate a revolution of ideas, handle the input and output of data, social data, notifications, requirements, in an objective positive way, take some notes on what to change and what to keep or discard. I'm still nervous and afraid I can't go through all of it, and in a way I kept on upgrading what I need to fulfill those needs.
I feel, expectations are forming for the next year, because, I really want to show all, what I can really do. It's just a matter of motivation and support of all of you, and the will to keep forward.
For now, I can take this moment to organize everything and make a good restart this next year.
Thanks to all of you for going with me this year!
Thursday, December 25, 2014
Monday, December 1, 2014
Introversion strikes again
Hello, how are all of you? If you come from some link I sent lately, welcome to my blog. As you can see, I haven't got any time to update it, even though my position of user is still active with some tweets and some drawings. My evolution process has been not as visual as I really wanted. In fact this has been the year of changes, lots of changes, no real project could have been mantained up to the point to change again and in its basics. But one thing to say is that changes has been to provide a better form of user data content. So, maybe I might update this thing for a little while longer, while I have the inspiration to do it.
This inspiration, however, is the result of me being Introverted again. Why I say that? It's not because of myself in my entire position, because of the people that might imagine that part of myself. Let me explain.
Opening the gates of my social status, I have been learning a lot of things this year. Eventually there is the time to apply it and make a good use of it, then having the right tools of written expression and generation of ideas, I would get more fluent on my writing and thus making good responses and comments and even go a little bit more of my usual self. While certain requirements were occuring, I struggled to maintain that gate opening, and so being more introverted, or that is what I'm thinking.
You see, I might talk to lots of people and then talk to them again, and then try to make a good response of it, and then, kinda not make a response, neither an appearance of sorts, neither try to understand usual nonsense they might say they might want they want to do. All the things happened when the pressure of reality grew stronger against me.
Trying not to step back from it, I reminded myself of some sort of waiting progress, a long-waiting one, were doubts appeared suddenly and without advice, those ideas were blinding me and then trying to step back from usual modes. And to complicate things a little, looking the gloomy process I had to do, fearing of a data disruption that was more of a destructive force to my central position in which its essence was being heavily smashed but greatly defended, had to safeguard on my most developed form of data structured, like a pong trying to deliver a ball full of ideas and retributions and experience from other forms of data.
But then leaving behind things are kinda weird, but also normal becasue, running away because I can't handle my own emotions has been my own speciality. Not that I like it but I can't help trying to say something, especially if wanting to reach someone and not knowing what to do. At first it was only a few ones, being mostly rejected by them, now it has ben way more that that, and the response rate increased a little but still rejections were unavoidable, but still, I felt I made some progress.
Now I felt my introversion went in a high position because I don't feel the need of talking to people, because when I have the necesary things to feel happy, anything else could care less. One of those this are programming, and not any type of programming, good serious programming and game oriented, that was a satisfying thing to do. Drawing and playing games were another one. I can keep with that without any recess shyness and embarrassment nor people nor teamwork to do. It's just about me.
And before anything else, it's not that I don't like being with people, because my years of wanting to do that wouldn't be worth it. It's just that the power of people is greater of influence than others, and I should be prepared to deal with it.
There is something though. There is gonna be a moment I feel the need to channel all that introverted feeling and put order on everything so I can act as before with the add-ons of last things. It's only a matter of wait and know what to do to recover all those things left behind.
If I resguard myself from them is becasue I'm introverted and I need it.
But sure I need to know how to recover to normal all that bonding
This inspiration, however, is the result of me being Introverted again. Why I say that? It's not because of myself in my entire position, because of the people that might imagine that part of myself. Let me explain.
Opening the gates of my social status, I have been learning a lot of things this year. Eventually there is the time to apply it and make a good use of it, then having the right tools of written expression and generation of ideas, I would get more fluent on my writing and thus making good responses and comments and even go a little bit more of my usual self. While certain requirements were occuring, I struggled to maintain that gate opening, and so being more introverted, or that is what I'm thinking.
You see, I might talk to lots of people and then talk to them again, and then try to make a good response of it, and then, kinda not make a response, neither an appearance of sorts, neither try to understand usual nonsense they might say they might want they want to do. All the things happened when the pressure of reality grew stronger against me.
Trying not to step back from it, I reminded myself of some sort of waiting progress, a long-waiting one, were doubts appeared suddenly and without advice, those ideas were blinding me and then trying to step back from usual modes. And to complicate things a little, looking the gloomy process I had to do, fearing of a data disruption that was more of a destructive force to my central position in which its essence was being heavily smashed but greatly defended, had to safeguard on my most developed form of data structured, like a pong trying to deliver a ball full of ideas and retributions and experience from other forms of data.
But then leaving behind things are kinda weird, but also normal becasue, running away because I can't handle my own emotions has been my own speciality. Not that I like it but I can't help trying to say something, especially if wanting to reach someone and not knowing what to do. At first it was only a few ones, being mostly rejected by them, now it has ben way more that that, and the response rate increased a little but still rejections were unavoidable, but still, I felt I made some progress.
Now I felt my introversion went in a high position because I don't feel the need of talking to people, because when I have the necesary things to feel happy, anything else could care less. One of those this are programming, and not any type of programming, good serious programming and game oriented, that was a satisfying thing to do. Drawing and playing games were another one. I can keep with that without any recess shyness and embarrassment nor people nor teamwork to do. It's just about me.
And before anything else, it's not that I don't like being with people, because my years of wanting to do that wouldn't be worth it. It's just that the power of people is greater of influence than others, and I should be prepared to deal with it.
There is something though. There is gonna be a moment I feel the need to channel all that introverted feeling and put order on everything so I can act as before with the add-ons of last things. It's only a matter of wait and know what to do to recover all those things left behind.
If I resguard myself from them is becasue I'm introverted and I need it.
But sure I need to know how to recover to normal all that bonding
Monday, August 25, 2014
Get a slow smartphone, Play Swing Copters!
I got to play Swing Copters (made by .GEARS) , and it's more fun than Flappy Bird, maybe because it isn't theme-related, because it was fun how the cute character was flying upwards trying not to be hit by those walls and swinging hammers
It was difficult at first, I was tapping endlessly trying to figure out how this character moves, believing by tapping a lot I would go upwards, like in the Flappy Bird version, but after a few frustrating tries, I got a little of what's going on. You tap once, it goes the other way around, you tap it again, it returns flying at one direction. It was either left or right, always upwards.
Even with that in mind, I got troubled by getting hit by those hammers, and they sure hit you from behind, but then you see it has some kind of movement, as if the cute character was dancing. When you tap the screen you would think it would automatically turn around, it turns around of course, but for a brief moment it still goes on one direction before going to the other direction. That lack of consideration made you collide with the objects and make you lose. Sure it was fun when I got desperate at times that happened.
But then I got the grip out of it and knew the flow of the movement and how I should go. Also it has to be with a certain rhythm, because if you stay at one direction, you may speed up and unable to stop going left when you supposed to go right. The movement is somewhat like a pendulum, tick, tock, tick, tock. You go like that and you have more chance to get a higher score.
But then I was looking at videos, and I saw, that the game went a little bit faster than mine, and then I thought: that's how I was getting more score than others, hehe.
So then it was my smartphone that made this game less stressful than others, I may take longer to get to the same score but I'm getting safer on obtaining it.
And on an Update data: hehe eventually they got Swing Copters to have an update, movement is more easy and obstacles easier to evade. But still, the same speed. If they have that same speed, so do I.
Just something I wanted to say about this game, it's cute, just people need patience to be more comfortable with it. People get influenced on other people, on media, and people are pressured on this fast-paced world. Most normal people aren't as good at videogames and having those apps on this normal world with the enough fame for all to play it, it's like a reaction chain ready to be triggered.
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Breaking: Nerd Boy saved from Dental Disaster
"And just because I wanted to be 'brave' enough to deal it on my own >///<"
It's been a while since I get to see some clinic facility to deal with emergency maneuvers, real emergency they say. It's not that I wanted to admit it but it was still hard. You see, I have braces, I'm not just portraying my character just because of that. I do have braces to deal, and it's been a long time I have it, it was supposed to have it ready, at least on a year ago. In fact, I was planning a "Braces Thing" series where I could talk about it. But problems arising and I don't know then. On the story.
Recently I had some dental adjustments where they place some of the tough 'metal-wired' thing around the upper teeth, and have it all adjusted with an array of tight 'suspenders' or those things around the braces but they were together, it looks like a chain. The thing is, almost completely with that, one of those things that get with the last teeth got detached. It wasn't dangerous and seems to be fine to at least be there. I didn't care as I didn't want to spend more time on that either. I got home and then I noticed it was too tedious to eat with that situation on hand. Again I didn't care a lot because I got to manage it.
Even in my sleep it was nice to deal with it. But yesterday, I tried to eat the best I could. Adding the fact the adjustment was hurting me, with all the tedious thing I was having a headache. Then I just tried to adjust it, move it around, I don't know, I did everything I had at my had to at least take it out. When I noticed my dental band was attached to another thing I couldn't take it away. Now my dental band had an alignment of 90 degrees downward, I just couldn't close my mouth. With that I wouldn't eat, nor sleep even!
But then I just returned home, as it nothing happened, I told I needed some arrangements to the dentist, but that It would be tomorrow, as if they didn't know how bad it was. In the afternoon I contacted them, but the receptionist said the one attending left already, and that I should call her tomorrow. Well, I was thinking on how to deal with it on the evening, but then down the kitchen my parents saw me and talked about my problem with my teeth, I just showed how it looked. They didn't liked how it looks.
They tried to help me to cut it out but it was useless. So the only option was to search some place to see some dentist to see what it can be done. It was around nine o'clock. Most of the places where it says 'dentist' were closed, but as they were driving and searching, I was a little scared on the insistence on having to look at someone to deal what they called an 'emergency' I wouldn't believe on that, or I didn't know what to expect.
We entered some clinic, this one was known because of one time I wanted to be Harry Potter without knowing him before (reserved for another story >///< ). We looked for a doctor that 'has the courage to deal with those situations' when I entered the lobby, I was being embarrassed of thinking that I really was to be treated as patient. Me still not understanding my emergency situation. I knew it was bothering me a lot but, why wasn't I thinking for that?
The clinic said they couldn't attend those kind of situations, but said the other clinic, conventionally located a few streets away, may deal with it. It was turning to be a lost hope. But they didn't think of that and we went there. I couldn't appreciate well before the location we arrived then has some nice installments. So then we entered and we explained the situation to the receptionists (the last one there seem to not to be any) when they looked by far my mouth they right away talked as to see they could deal with it. Somehow some nice looking man (I said nice looking because he looked young in red-blue shirt and jeans and a well maintained beard >///<) entered and somehow greeted my parent. [The position of the Enlightened of Wisdom is famous with its pupils] Said he worked here. And when we explained why we were here, he got a thought look, as if how can we deal with this. Basically he is the man indicated for the job.
He entered to see how to deal it and then it let me enter to one of the clinic rooms, all and hospital bed and lots of utensils and, well, hospital things.... *worried look* I knew the maneuvers to be were orthodontic, and to deal with the powerful wire and all the bondings that didn't let that bothering thing to get out. After a few minutes of techniques that were splendid, everything was done. And without even knowing it that thing was out of my way and I could close my mouth more easily. We thanked the doctor, to be in the way to saved us (to save me >///<) My parent said it was some sort of "Attraction Law" that everything occurred the way it occurred. I don't know if I wanted to make assortment to that. But well, the thing is I could sleep better.
Thinking of a time like this, I get to wonder how I would react if I were to manage another similar or worse situation like this, should I really care or should I would let it be...? Well depending if that is hurting enough, but if I didn't considered this dental problem an emergency issue is because I would be able to manage it, but I thing it turned beyond my position of control.
I'm just ashamed for thinking that.
I'm thinking of really make my braces adventures a series of posts, once I can grasp the position of this blog,
It's been a while since I get to see some clinic facility to deal with emergency maneuvers, real emergency they say. It's not that I wanted to admit it but it was still hard. You see, I have braces, I'm not just portraying my character just because of that. I do have braces to deal, and it's been a long time I have it, it was supposed to have it ready, at least on a year ago. In fact, I was planning a "Braces Thing" series where I could talk about it. But problems arising and I don't know then. On the story.
Recently I had some dental adjustments where they place some of the tough 'metal-wired' thing around the upper teeth, and have it all adjusted with an array of tight 'suspenders' or those things around the braces but they were together, it looks like a chain. The thing is, almost completely with that, one of those things that get with the last teeth got detached. It wasn't dangerous and seems to be fine to at least be there. I didn't care as I didn't want to spend more time on that either. I got home and then I noticed it was too tedious to eat with that situation on hand. Again I didn't care a lot because I got to manage it.
Even in my sleep it was nice to deal with it. But yesterday, I tried to eat the best I could. Adding the fact the adjustment was hurting me, with all the tedious thing I was having a headache. Then I just tried to adjust it, move it around, I don't know, I did everything I had at my had to at least take it out. When I noticed my dental band was attached to another thing I couldn't take it away. Now my dental band had an alignment of 90 degrees downward, I just couldn't close my mouth. With that I wouldn't eat, nor sleep even!
But then I just returned home, as it nothing happened, I told I needed some arrangements to the dentist, but that It would be tomorrow, as if they didn't know how bad it was. In the afternoon I contacted them, but the receptionist said the one attending left already, and that I should call her tomorrow. Well, I was thinking on how to deal with it on the evening, but then down the kitchen my parents saw me and talked about my problem with my teeth, I just showed how it looked. They didn't liked how it looks.
They tried to help me to cut it out but it was useless. So the only option was to search some place to see some dentist to see what it can be done. It was around nine o'clock. Most of the places where it says 'dentist' were closed, but as they were driving and searching, I was a little scared on the insistence on having to look at someone to deal what they called an 'emergency' I wouldn't believe on that, or I didn't know what to expect.
We entered some clinic, this one was known because of one time I wanted to be Harry Potter without knowing him before (reserved for another story >///< ). We looked for a doctor that 'has the courage to deal with those situations' when I entered the lobby, I was being embarrassed of thinking that I really was to be treated as patient. Me still not understanding my emergency situation. I knew it was bothering me a lot but, why wasn't I thinking for that?
The clinic said they couldn't attend those kind of situations, but said the other clinic, conventionally located a few streets away, may deal with it. It was turning to be a lost hope. But they didn't think of that and we went there. I couldn't appreciate well before the location we arrived then has some nice installments. So then we entered and we explained the situation to the receptionists (the last one there seem to not to be any) when they looked by far my mouth they right away talked as to see they could deal with it. Somehow some nice looking man (I said nice looking because he looked young in red-blue shirt and jeans and a well maintained beard >///<) entered and somehow greeted my parent. [The position of the Enlightened of Wisdom is famous with its pupils] Said he worked here. And when we explained why we were here, he got a thought look, as if how can we deal with this. Basically he is the man indicated for the job.
He entered to see how to deal it and then it let me enter to one of the clinic rooms, all and hospital bed and lots of utensils and, well, hospital things.... *worried look* I knew the maneuvers to be were orthodontic, and to deal with the powerful wire and all the bondings that didn't let that bothering thing to get out. After a few minutes of techniques that were splendid, everything was done. And without even knowing it that thing was out of my way and I could close my mouth more easily. We thanked the doctor, to be in the way to saved us (to save me >///<) My parent said it was some sort of "Attraction Law" that everything occurred the way it occurred. I don't know if I wanted to make assortment to that. But well, the thing is I could sleep better.
Thinking of a time like this, I get to wonder how I would react if I were to manage another similar or worse situation like this, should I really care or should I would let it be...? Well depending if that is hurting enough, but if I didn't considered this dental problem an emergency issue is because I would be able to manage it, but I thing it turned beyond my position of control.
I'm just ashamed for thinking that.
I'm thinking of really make my braces adventures a series of posts, once I can grasp the position of this blog,
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Random Post of the Month
Hello, I know it's been a while since I write here, a lot happened though, which it was time-consuming enough for me to take a break on some activities I was active before. I keep trying to re-establish everything for better solutions on organization, resource and generation of content.
I'm confident I can reach a certain level of productivity without times where I get too sleepy to do anything, I want to concentrate those for my times of sleeping, still recovering from my schedule.
As this random post of the month, I say, I'm using lots of sources I can make my generation of content, like better keyboard for fast typing and, other things I need to achieve. As a developer, even if it isn't needed at much, hardware is important to not losing time at moments. And for sure I don't want to travel to the sleep world knowing I'm losing my precious time for not making some developing, and of course I know I need to take my break, do a little exercise and not overdoing things when I'm not feeling well. Common sense it is.
In a lot of ways I can achieve what I want, only a matter of time and patience, only a matter of self-confidence and nice steps on looking around me and little achievements of life.
I'm still want to learn lots of things for a short time, not losing it for little things that can break anything not special. Somehow last year's learnings are helping me in a greater way than others, I just need some special action to continue, well I'm traveling the way and looking at flowers while walking, no we're still on the go.
I won't say anything else for know, let's just hope to search more what I'm doing, and say I won't leave any of my pages behind. I'll try to uphold those pages together and staying active.
Aaand, I keep delaying my evolution process on this blog, keep the patience with me and I'll do something about it. It just, this blog layout is still cute since the moment I placed it here.
I still like the background I have, maybe I'll use the same style for the other one :P
I'm confident I can reach a certain level of productivity without times where I get too sleepy to do anything, I want to concentrate those for my times of sleeping, still recovering from my schedule.
As this random post of the month, I say, I'm using lots of sources I can make my generation of content, like better keyboard for fast typing and, other things I need to achieve. As a developer, even if it isn't needed at much, hardware is important to not losing time at moments. And for sure I don't want to travel to the sleep world knowing I'm losing my precious time for not making some developing, and of course I know I need to take my break, do a little exercise and not overdoing things when I'm not feeling well. Common sense it is.
In a lot of ways I can achieve what I want, only a matter of time and patience, only a matter of self-confidence and nice steps on looking around me and little achievements of life.
I'm still want to learn lots of things for a short time, not losing it for little things that can break anything not special. Somehow last year's learnings are helping me in a greater way than others, I just need some special action to continue, well I'm traveling the way and looking at flowers while walking, no we're still on the go.
I won't say anything else for know, let's just hope to search more what I'm doing, and say I won't leave any of my pages behind. I'll try to uphold those pages together and staying active.
Aaand, I keep delaying my evolution process on this blog, keep the patience with me and I'll do something about it. It just, this blog layout is still cute since the moment I placed it here.
I still like the background I have, maybe I'll use the same style for the other one :P
Friday, July 4, 2014
After that moment
After that moment I realized
how stupid I am letting my guard down upon a moment of Outrageous Distortion just to see the damage was done...
I don't want feel the Great Wide Bonding Protection to be shattered by little by things I can't handle... by events I can't even control...!
It's NOT the TIME for THAT! Why that happened? It's supposed to protect all of Base Position the source of power of the Central Position...
Only Final Time would fade it away by little and that's normal, but that directly corrupt the Base Position to the root is unforgivable...!
I felt that once since the Wide Protection started its function, but this time, it was on a nearer bonding distance than mine...!
I'm scared, because of the similar stats of the bonding, unconditional follower of indirect data flowing, but now no flow could be received.
how stupid I am letting my guard down upon a moment of Outrageous Distortion just to see the damage was done...
I don't want feel the Great Wide Bonding Protection to be shattered by little by things I can't handle... by events I can't even control...!
It's NOT the TIME for THAT! Why that happened? It's supposed to protect all of Base Position the source of power of the Central Position...
Only Final Time would fade it away by little and that's normal, but that directly corrupt the Base Position to the root is unforgivable...!
I felt that once since the Wide Protection started its function, but this time, it was on a nearer bonding distance than mine...!
I'm scared, because of the similar stats of the bonding, unconditional follower of indirect data flowing, but now no flow could be received.
I shouldn't have worried
but it made me so
because the protection covered that area
and now it has a fissure
untouchable by anyone anymore..
If that's the harsh way, well
I didn't know
it just proves I still can't grasp reality
the real one
that is way more that I can cover myself
And that
the Great Wide Bonding Protection
isn't immune to those kind of attacks
cruel movements of reality
that unusually shatters my heart
I'm just a boy
oblivious to the world
submerged into my own
shy on inside, awkward on outside
timid to ask, to join,and to be noticed too...
My power wants to protect everyone I know
so that people can be happy
so that people know there's someone
who can give motivation to all....
Monday, June 30, 2014
Just before mid-year ends...
..., something has to take me off-balance on unusual levels.
It's like, you're prepared to face great high-leveled creatures, but then a turnaround of events flip over the charts and then you face a creature of overwhelming power, not because of the level, because the flip over turned the stats against him, leaving you on a great disadvantage, nothing could be done before his first and utmost attack what will wipe you out of the play-field.
Then, at the Game Over screen, you start crying. You start to feel sad, and ideas come of your mind, not understanding anything of what happened. You stand up, trying to be strong, and enter again, pressing continue. There was no other option.
But as you see the game field again, an unusual feeling, that same feeling you felt when the things turned against you. High speed sounds and moving objects, facing the unusual get around of the battle. Enemies are the same but somehow their stats were a little bit different, it may be higher, it may be lower.
Everything is different, and the pressure is still on, you don't know how long you're gonna be able to handle the ambiance.... The boss fight is on again, and you didn't get surprised by its opening attack, still it was shocking. You stand there as your Wide Retribution covers most of the field, trying to at least impede the boss from approaching to you. All you can do is recognize the field and take some key points and resources with you. With a strong punch broke your shield, and with another one, threw you out of the field again....
Game over for you, but the emotional pain was too much. Since the start, a strong pressure was consuming all that energy, and because of that, your recovery would take longer, before entering the unusual zone.
This is what you'll do: enter the zone, be aware of the consuming motion, try to be the most objective possible, not being carried away with the sensation. Know the area and reach key spots for saving, there could be no possible way everything could be covered by the pressure. Try to cover yourself if you can. And, when you're at the boss, quickly avoid the attack, and then get away. The strong punch could break away your emotional status. It's better to find better strategies each time you enter the zone rather than go full force and get beaten uncountable times.
It's a safe bet, so when you finally decide to stand against the beast, you know better what to say, and what to do.
*sigh*, those are the things that happen in my mind, things that I can't handle, until I can accept reality with all its consequences.... It's harsh, but, we're still here....
It's like, you're prepared to face great high-leveled creatures, but then a turnaround of events flip over the charts and then you face a creature of overwhelming power, not because of the level, because the flip over turned the stats against him, leaving you on a great disadvantage, nothing could be done before his first and utmost attack what will wipe you out of the play-field.
Then, at the Game Over screen, you start crying. You start to feel sad, and ideas come of your mind, not understanding anything of what happened. You stand up, trying to be strong, and enter again, pressing continue. There was no other option.
But as you see the game field again, an unusual feeling, that same feeling you felt when the things turned against you. High speed sounds and moving objects, facing the unusual get around of the battle. Enemies are the same but somehow their stats were a little bit different, it may be higher, it may be lower.
Everything is different, and the pressure is still on, you don't know how long you're gonna be able to handle the ambiance.... The boss fight is on again, and you didn't get surprised by its opening attack, still it was shocking. You stand there as your Wide Retribution covers most of the field, trying to at least impede the boss from approaching to you. All you can do is recognize the field and take some key points and resources with you. With a strong punch broke your shield, and with another one, threw you out of the field again....
Game over for you, but the emotional pain was too much. Since the start, a strong pressure was consuming all that energy, and because of that, your recovery would take longer, before entering the unusual zone.
This is what you'll do: enter the zone, be aware of the consuming motion, try to be the most objective possible, not being carried away with the sensation. Know the area and reach key spots for saving, there could be no possible way everything could be covered by the pressure. Try to cover yourself if you can. And, when you're at the boss, quickly avoid the attack, and then get away. The strong punch could break away your emotional status. It's better to find better strategies each time you enter the zone rather than go full force and get beaten uncountable times.
It's a safe bet, so when you finally decide to stand against the beast, you know better what to say, and what to do.
*sigh*, those are the things that happen in my mind, things that I can't handle, until I can accept reality with all its consequences.... It's harsh, but, we're still here....
Saturday, May 31, 2014
The one who led me to the Internet World [A STORY...]
[KIND OF...]
It was a ordinary day, like any other, I would look at the computer seeing if some Paint sketch was interesting to do. Already entering Middle School, and a lot of things yet to happen. I was still a kid and much of the world that I didn't know at that time.
At that moment you knocked the front door and I saw you. You're that kid I had a great time spending at Elementary School, on those last years of being children. Seeing your colored glasses was simply amazing.
When I got to see you, you asked me one question: What is my e-mail? At that time, I think I didn't have an e-mail account, not even know what the Internet is. I could know that it would happen, because at school I was utterly blamed by one homework I didn't do on the computer, I didn't have one at that time, nor a way to research what they asked. But seems like everyone was getting into these things they called Internet. Even commercials were talking about it. I was unaware about it, but somehow I wanted to know more.
You were the one that made me enter an amazing world I was yet to discover, but even if we just get to know better, I had lots of issues with myself, and the only thing that were connecting us, was our e-mail user accounts.
I remember spending more time with you at recess, playing Pokemon Trading Card Game matches. I didn't have the money to buy it, nor even know where to find it. I find more interesting having a copy on those cards, even if they look black and white. Despite that you lend me some of yours and started playing. It was awesome! I would love playing with you.
Though you were mean with me at start, I don't know exactly what happened, but you were picking me on constantly on things I didn't know. Or I was too weak to receive your little fists on my shoulders as if a salutation was made. I called mom, and mom talked to you not to be mean with me. Didn't know how you reacted but then you ended being mean with me.
After that time, we became friends. At recess we would spend most of the time together, playing more card games, talking a little bit, playing childish games, clapping our hands in a fashion manner, even tickling games, I got tickled the most
until a point I almost wasn't able to handle all the laughing and such. Playing at the sand and try to build imaginary worlds, and smash them with our hands.
Then the last year came another friend with us and we spent the time together. We would play most of the time, and sometimes I would cry at my frustrations on not winning games with you. Then other two girls were playing with us and we would have the perfect team on recess time. It was all what I wanted to happen!
Sadly, it didn't last. What will keep us apart was after graduation. I knew we will go to separate schools, that we wouldn't spend time on another recess again. Remember right at the ceremony talking about twin girls appearing at a show acted by one person, and Pokemon Crystal, trying our best to solve the puzzle of the Unown. I didn't even had that game but with that I would always remind myself to keep playing Pokemon all the time.
Even after that, you invited to your house lots of times, we would play with your games on the computer and on the Play Station you had. Remember playing the Sims with you, trying to keep our player healthy and clean, then playing arcade games like Capcom vs SNK and Soul Callibur II, as you have it more, it was more obvious you would beat me on those games, it was obvious. We would talk on chat on so many things I don't know if it was a lot or only it was something.
You still had your ideas, and my other friend envied you somehow, it was confusing having two friends who can't comprehend each other, still it was a nice thing going to your house and play. But then some day you said you can't receive me, but it was okay, so I could go the next time, but it was the same. And then one day I go to your house calling at you, trying my best to see if you were there, but you didn't answered. I resigned and returned home. It was the last time I tried to see you.
We didn't lose contact though, I knew you were there on the Internet, we didn't talked too much, but you were still there. Clearly enough we maintained our Messenger e-mail accounts, and it was all right. Didn't feel the need to talk to you though, maybe I was scared to be rejected again, no one seemed to notice that. And though that distance of our houses wasn't long, my insecuritues and our different path clearly make distant our encounter.
I became shy, but I knew one day I would overcome this and start making reencounters with people. the ones I really cared about. We would see us again on Social Media where I started late, again, and, I could clearly see you playing games like I am, it was nice playing games, and didn't know you're were good at typing. It was a challenge I wanted to beat.
One day I had a dream. I was in a forest, it was all colorful green, the sunlight made the tree leaves brighter, I was running, and I stopped at some piece of wood, fallen from an old tree. Then I saw you, smiling, looking at me with some bright in your eyes, it was cool to see you! I always wanted to talk things, how everything's going, what becoming of our lives, if we can become friends again..., then you went apart of where I am, still seeing at me, you just went away and I was chasing at you. Waking up, I just feel nice to see you in a dream, feeling the sensation I can really see you some time....
But then, one day, one call, received by mom, and some minutes after, would give me a shocking sensation I've never felt before.... Mom told me, and I just couldn't understand. Who are you talking to? Are you really sure it was him? It could be someone else, it couldn't be him....
They didn't mention your name, making it more confusing the situation. So that would mean, yesterday you were there somewhere, but now you weren't there anymore.... But strange enough, I felt nothing about it. Didn't make me sad, just shocked, and confused. I kinda denied it, and I thought you were still there, somewhere around here, I didn't really wanted to search more than that I had already received.
There were days and days thinking about you, and though I knew where they going to make a proper goodbye, I didn't go. I just couldn't. How can I properly approach to you when we were distant from each other? I felt weird not going, but I didn't know what it surrounded you. I'm a stranger to them....
There were days when I was really confused when I see you on status updates, you were appearing! As if someone wanted you to keep you alive! But then I was only an illusion, and northing more were posted related to you.
That's when I realized, you were gone....
I told my best friend, looked that he was the last he knew about it. But what he didn't know is how I really wanted to be more in touch. He didn't even know well the situation, but I guess it was still something out of our ambiance, but I didn't think of it as such, even if it was true.
Around all these years, sometimes I think about you, about how great you were, on how you liked Pokemon, your way you talk, about your fascination about Sailor Venus, and your like on Sailor Moon. You were the only I know that like me liked the series. All what you have left, and your smile. I don't know why I like your smile. But I like it. And your colorful glasses. At least that's what I remembered about you. Looking at your face on your profile, you didn't had your glasses, maybe you had changed on your face, but still you were the same.
I want to be honest to you. I like you the way you are, despite our differences. And..., I really wanted to meet again. I really do.
Maybe, once I get the time, I'll meet you where you stay, and, maybe I can give you a proper goodbye...
I want to cry your departure, and say I really cared about you going away, that I wasn't cold to think on such things, that I wasn't indifferent, that I REALLY...
..., miss you a lot.
I would think, for the last time, you would appear, and looked at me, I would like to think, you remembered me, who I am and all the things we've done together, and finally say to me
"It's all right, you don't have to worry."
Feeling like a hug I could embrace you and comfort me but you keep telling me I shouldn't worry. And then you would say
"Thank you. For being part of my life"
[Last line is the Alternative Title...]
It was a ordinary day, like any other, I would look at the computer seeing if some Paint sketch was interesting to do. Already entering Middle School, and a lot of things yet to happen. I was still a kid and much of the world that I didn't know at that time.
At that moment you knocked the front door and I saw you. You're that kid I had a great time spending at Elementary School, on those last years of being children. Seeing your colored glasses was simply amazing.
When I got to see you, you asked me one question: What is my e-mail? At that time, I think I didn't have an e-mail account, not even know what the Internet is. I could know that it would happen, because at school I was utterly blamed by one homework I didn't do on the computer, I didn't have one at that time, nor a way to research what they asked. But seems like everyone was getting into these things they called Internet. Even commercials were talking about it. I was unaware about it, but somehow I wanted to know more.
You were the one that made me enter an amazing world I was yet to discover, but even if we just get to know better, I had lots of issues with myself, and the only thing that were connecting us, was our e-mail user accounts.
I remember spending more time with you at recess, playing Pokemon Trading Card Game matches. I didn't have the money to buy it, nor even know where to find it. I find more interesting having a copy on those cards, even if they look black and white. Despite that you lend me some of yours and started playing. It was awesome! I would love playing with you.
Though you were mean with me at start, I don't know exactly what happened, but you were picking me on constantly on things I didn't know. Or I was too weak to receive your little fists on my shoulders as if a salutation was made. I called mom, and mom talked to you not to be mean with me. Didn't know how you reacted but then you ended being mean with me.
After that time, we became friends. At recess we would spend most of the time together, playing more card games, talking a little bit, playing childish games, clapping our hands in a fashion manner, even tickling games, I got tickled the most
until a point I almost wasn't able to handle all the laughing and such. Playing at the sand and try to build imaginary worlds, and smash them with our hands.
Then the last year came another friend with us and we spent the time together. We would play most of the time, and sometimes I would cry at my frustrations on not winning games with you. Then other two girls were playing with us and we would have the perfect team on recess time. It was all what I wanted to happen!
Sadly, it didn't last. What will keep us apart was after graduation. I knew we will go to separate schools, that we wouldn't spend time on another recess again. Remember right at the ceremony talking about twin girls appearing at a show acted by one person, and Pokemon Crystal, trying our best to solve the puzzle of the Unown. I didn't even had that game but with that I would always remind myself to keep playing Pokemon all the time.
Even after that, you invited to your house lots of times, we would play with your games on the computer and on the Play Station you had. Remember playing the Sims with you, trying to keep our player healthy and clean, then playing arcade games like Capcom vs SNK and Soul Callibur II, as you have it more, it was more obvious you would beat me on those games, it was obvious. We would talk on chat on so many things I don't know if it was a lot or only it was something.
You still had your ideas, and my other friend envied you somehow, it was confusing having two friends who can't comprehend each other, still it was a nice thing going to your house and play. But then some day you said you can't receive me, but it was okay, so I could go the next time, but it was the same. And then one day I go to your house calling at you, trying my best to see if you were there, but you didn't answered. I resigned and returned home. It was the last time I tried to see you.
We didn't lose contact though, I knew you were there on the Internet, we didn't talked too much, but you were still there. Clearly enough we maintained our Messenger e-mail accounts, and it was all right. Didn't feel the need to talk to you though, maybe I was scared to be rejected again, no one seemed to notice that. And though that distance of our houses wasn't long, my insecuritues and our different path clearly make distant our encounter.
I became shy, but I knew one day I would overcome this and start making reencounters with people. the ones I really cared about. We would see us again on Social Media where I started late, again, and, I could clearly see you playing games like I am, it was nice playing games, and didn't know you're were good at typing. It was a challenge I wanted to beat.
One day I had a dream. I was in a forest, it was all colorful green, the sunlight made the tree leaves brighter, I was running, and I stopped at some piece of wood, fallen from an old tree. Then I saw you, smiling, looking at me with some bright in your eyes, it was cool to see you! I always wanted to talk things, how everything's going, what becoming of our lives, if we can become friends again..., then you went apart of where I am, still seeing at me, you just went away and I was chasing at you. Waking up, I just feel nice to see you in a dream, feeling the sensation I can really see you some time....
But then, one day, one call, received by mom, and some minutes after, would give me a shocking sensation I've never felt before.... Mom told me, and I just couldn't understand. Who are you talking to? Are you really sure it was him? It could be someone else, it couldn't be him....
They didn't mention your name, making it more confusing the situation. So that would mean, yesterday you were there somewhere, but now you weren't there anymore.... But strange enough, I felt nothing about it. Didn't make me sad, just shocked, and confused. I kinda denied it, and I thought you were still there, somewhere around here, I didn't really wanted to search more than that I had already received.
There were days and days thinking about you, and though I knew where they going to make a proper goodbye, I didn't go. I just couldn't. How can I properly approach to you when we were distant from each other? I felt weird not going, but I didn't know what it surrounded you. I'm a stranger to them....
There were days when I was really confused when I see you on status updates, you were appearing! As if someone wanted you to keep you alive! But then I was only an illusion, and northing more were posted related to you.
That's when I realized, you were gone....
I told my best friend, looked that he was the last he knew about it. But what he didn't know is how I really wanted to be more in touch. He didn't even know well the situation, but I guess it was still something out of our ambiance, but I didn't think of it as such, even if it was true.
Around all these years, sometimes I think about you, about how great you were, on how you liked Pokemon, your way you talk, about your fascination about Sailor Venus, and your like on Sailor Moon. You were the only I know that like me liked the series. All what you have left, and your smile. I don't know why I like your smile. But I like it. And your colorful glasses. At least that's what I remembered about you. Looking at your face on your profile, you didn't had your glasses, maybe you had changed on your face, but still you were the same.
I want to be honest to you. I like you the way you are, despite our differences. And..., I really wanted to meet again. I really do.
Maybe, once I get the time, I'll meet you where you stay, and, maybe I can give you a proper goodbye...
I want to cry your departure, and say I really cared about you going away, that I wasn't cold to think on such things, that I wasn't indifferent, that I REALLY...
..., miss you a lot.
I would think, for the last time, you would appear, and looked at me, I would like to think, you remembered me, who I am and all the things we've done together, and finally say to me
"It's all right, you don't have to worry."
Feeling like a hug I could embrace you and comfort me but you keep telling me I shouldn't worry. And then you would say
"Thank you. For being part of my life"
[Last line is the Alternative Title...]
Monday, May 19, 2014
A Fast Paced Random Post of the Month
Hi, just a quick note on here, because I want to.
I don't know who really likes to see what I post, I don't mind if there are a lot of people seeing it or not. It has no importance whatsoever. But if you kindly want to tell me you like what I do, I truly appreciate it. Also your suggestions are important too. It's truly helpful to make this blog nice for all.
Now a quick story:
There is this guy who wanted to go one day alone. Have a walk to the street, maybe to the park, and maybe to get an ice cream and stay there beside the grass and under the tree. Then return home and take a shower and then go to sleep.
But then the next day he was walking to the street again and went to the park again, got another ice cream, and sit beside the grass under the tree. But he didn't returned. What he saw in front of him. Another boy. It was not like him, it was not him. It was a different guy. Around his age, wearing glasses like him, kinda different clothes but of similar composition. That guy was looking at him. Both looks got crossed, passed through the glasses, and reached the eyes of the other. They were both silent, they stared at each other for around 2 minutes. It was an intense stare.
But between that moment, he saw it, the eyes of the boy, and all what it has behind. Somehow a crack in his world, a little hole that can be seen. The thoughts of that boy were seen.
It was an idea after an idea after an idea. The thing was, it didn't seem to be his idea. What he saw was incredible, he was thinking how other people are doing right at this moment! Lot's of people, lots of idea, lots of action, lots of worries, lots of suffering, lots of happiness, lots of despair.
Lots of ideas that happens at the same time, and seeing it that much at the same time could be confusing...
At some blink, he snapped out of it. And like a signal , the boy just jumped surprised. He looked at you worried, and then tears came out pouring, but no change of his face was shown. Before you could do anything, the boy stepped out and ran away.
After that he returned home and took a shower and then went to sleep.
Thinking for a while, he thought only about this boy, what would be doing at that moment. He guessed the boy was thinking about how people were thinking before they are sleeping.
Maybe the boy was thinking about him. Maybe the boy think he was already asleep....
------------------------------------------
I shouldn't think about it too often, it's like... I don't know. It's weird.
Thinking about someone else....
I worry sometimes...
And sometimes, I shouldn't worry.
I want to think, he can be alright....
I want to think, he can do his best....
I want to think, he is thinking about me...
I want to think, also he may be asleep...
Will he know I'm thinking about him? Maybe the best thing he would say is. Go to sleep, tomorrow will be a new day. Don't worry if you don't think about it. I'm fine. Because I know the moment we're here, I know you're there.
When I'm asleep, I'm alone, but that's alright, because it has to be that way.
When I wake up, that's the time to think to I want to care the most....
I don't know who really likes to see what I post, I don't mind if there are a lot of people seeing it or not. It has no importance whatsoever. But if you kindly want to tell me you like what I do, I truly appreciate it. Also your suggestions are important too. It's truly helpful to make this blog nice for all.
Now a quick story:
There is this guy who wanted to go one day alone. Have a walk to the street, maybe to the park, and maybe to get an ice cream and stay there beside the grass and under the tree. Then return home and take a shower and then go to sleep.
But then the next day he was walking to the street again and went to the park again, got another ice cream, and sit beside the grass under the tree. But he didn't returned. What he saw in front of him. Another boy. It was not like him, it was not him. It was a different guy. Around his age, wearing glasses like him, kinda different clothes but of similar composition. That guy was looking at him. Both looks got crossed, passed through the glasses, and reached the eyes of the other. They were both silent, they stared at each other for around 2 minutes. It was an intense stare.
But between that moment, he saw it, the eyes of the boy, and all what it has behind. Somehow a crack in his world, a little hole that can be seen. The thoughts of that boy were seen.
It was an idea after an idea after an idea. The thing was, it didn't seem to be his idea. What he saw was incredible, he was thinking how other people are doing right at this moment! Lot's of people, lots of idea, lots of action, lots of worries, lots of suffering, lots of happiness, lots of despair.
Lots of ideas that happens at the same time, and seeing it that much at the same time could be confusing...
At some blink, he snapped out of it. And like a signal , the boy just jumped surprised. He looked at you worried, and then tears came out pouring, but no change of his face was shown. Before you could do anything, the boy stepped out and ran away.
After that he returned home and took a shower and then went to sleep.
Thinking for a while, he thought only about this boy, what would be doing at that moment. He guessed the boy was thinking about how people were thinking before they are sleeping.
Maybe the boy was thinking about him. Maybe the boy think he was already asleep....
------------------------------------------
I shouldn't think about it too often, it's like... I don't know. It's weird.
Thinking about someone else....
I worry sometimes...
And sometimes, I shouldn't worry.
I want to think, he can be alright....
I want to think, he can do his best....
I want to think, he is thinking about me...
I want to think, also he may be asleep...
Will he know I'm thinking about him? Maybe the best thing he would say is. Go to sleep, tomorrow will be a new day. Don't worry if you don't think about it. I'm fine. Because I know the moment we're here, I know you're there.
When I'm asleep, I'm alone, but that's alright, because it has to be that way.
When I wake up, that's the time to think to I want to care the most....
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Childish Ideas, and Joyful Memorandums
Sorry if I talked about this before, but I didn't find on my other posts something similar to this. (Hope I don't repeat it)
And another sorry if it gets a little gloomy on my way to talk, not too harsh but not a happy thing too.
April 30th, here in Mexico, is Children's Day. Expectations on why this day is unknown. But well, just figures.
I had a bunch of ideas as I child. Those were kinda decisive on the way I am now. The thing is, I'm not the child I was, in terms of, my personality on when I was a child has been in a lower state, but not in terms of actions and events or happy things, but because of some personality I had.
I was the guy I can do lots of things at School, like any other child, I would play ball at recess, be in a certain spot with other classmates, having fun while playing tag or when hiding. But also I had that belief of being good in class. I got very good in class. In fact I felt different from others. I knew I was the best in the class. I knew I had to prove it to everyone.
Third grade, some new guy enters school, one of the first challenges was to overcome him in grades, he was good too. I got focused on him. Until 6th grade, he was a challenging opponent. People would technically notice that ambiance, mostly because me shouting at things.
Third grade, again. Some guy again, I was fooled by some magic trick he made on first grade. A challenging guy but I didn't made a proper trace, they say he was a genius but nothing else, I got him unnoticed.
Fourth grade, I knew who were the best, boys and girls, and who was the people that were being behind. I felt the everyday challenge to be serious, even at home I made that possible.
Fifth and sixth grade, the start of a change, still unnoticed by that. My best friend, even if at home was a great companion, at school, he was a different person. I wouldn't care, I mostly spent my recess alone, with other people, playing at the most unusual places at school, I didn't talk at school, and somehow I got hated by people, my own classmates, because of my personality, who wouldn't stop telling my expertise of action, and because of my lack of caring. I wouldn't care, their talking were uncomfortable to me, I didn't like it.
Their games was the only thing I got.
I had friends 2 years before elementary school ending. And then everything would change....
Weird experiences as a child, such as unexpected kissing (regardless who they were... o.o), tickle fight of death (hehe), handslap resistance (I don't know how I did like that at 6th grade, it was one day), lots of rejection, lots of crying, and lots of misunderstanding, from my parents, from my classmates, from my teachers, and from my friends.
Little they know if they let me go on my own, I wouldn't continue the same way, and that's what I thought as a child.
-----------------
And my little brother brought a couple of friends home. They brought games, Smash Bros Brawl, Zelda, Mario Party and others. I got beaten at one match, but as he see is as a nice victory, I just say, it was just the controller...
Then I showed them Pokemon X, one friend was good telling which pokemon were, but he also needs to know whose type are super effective/not very effective against other pokemon.
That's one of the things I can share on people they still to know about life, my brother being different from myself, doing a great job. I hope he gets better.
-------------------
Aaand...
Some notification reminded me around this month about something I just forgot. There is something I want to tell, I don't know if the title can be the proper one, oh wait, I had one.
"The one who Introduced me to the Internet World"
It's a rather off-topic title, with a nice meaning. I just need to do it...
--------------
And tomorrow, "A Nerd's Adventure" hits it's Third Anniversary.
I don't know if three years are a lot but I think it is. :)
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Worrying People
That's one of the things I haven't really experienced...
I wasn't such an influence back on my days of School, and even if they could see me all the time, I would be sure in a way they wouldn't care, or that's what I thought. I didn't have lots of friends, the few I had didn't have problems handling strong conversations. There are a few of them that I really wanted to become friends, but technically it didn't happen. Back then I was trying my best to talk to them, but somehow a concrete bonding wasn't there, the experience of getting on the people and not responding to it wasn't pleasant. But then they seem to acknowledge the fact though nothing else was done.
And all these years of trying and trying was another experience I was making my effort. Effort to stop repressing my emotions and thoughts. My years On-line as a User and all what I found when I'm here, it was grateful. All and its extended resolutions, I managed to get in touch to a few more people. On-line of course. I started to talk more and more, as it were easy to do it, it was fun.
But then what I feared was coming to approach. But I was prepared to face it, because I knew it by experience... I could talk but then a dissonance of voices, and then the differences turning into a higher point, it becomes something in which, I can't have an idea to overcome this by talking.
Because I make some effort in talking, more if it's an unknown path, I can't make again with the same effort give a back-to-track message, unless certain conditions are met.
One of those conditions is, the person talking to were worried about myself...
Action noted, it could be a message of sorts or some mention. Anything that makes again the connection is enough. Another condition is actually make that back-to-track message, explaining how do you feel. On each part if a retribution is made, the bonding will try its best to regain its power.
Now then, lately I've been a little sleepy, on those stages, I'm more Introverted than anything else, but somehow I over-exceeded my Introversion. I didn't say anything about it, that I would take a break, that I need a great recharge, both physically and emotionally, that I need to deal with some problems, and that I needed more content to share and manage to talk, because I felt I was saying the same all the time.... It's not like it's going to be the same as before, but at least I want to feel comfortable the time I wanted to return.
But, what I wasn't expecting is, people telling me where I am, and how's everything going. A little few got nothing from me, worrying enough to make a state of presence and send me a message. The moment I knew it, I was, first surprised by a normal sudden anxiety from the recovery motion of Re encounter, and then a little frustrated and sad, because of feeling how selfish I was with those people.
I mean, it's not that the User Position is all important, the real world has its own challenges. Amazing challenges :B . But, as explained before, I just went away for a little while, and chaos surrounded the path I made with much effort. It's not like it's destroyed, it's just that I need to build more light to iluminate the path.
The path once made, it can be easily followed with the right compass.
I wasn't such an influence back on my days of School, and even if they could see me all the time, I would be sure in a way they wouldn't care, or that's what I thought. I didn't have lots of friends, the few I had didn't have problems handling strong conversations. There are a few of them that I really wanted to become friends, but technically it didn't happen. Back then I was trying my best to talk to them, but somehow a concrete bonding wasn't there, the experience of getting on the people and not responding to it wasn't pleasant. But then they seem to acknowledge the fact though nothing else was done.
And all these years of trying and trying was another experience I was making my effort. Effort to stop repressing my emotions and thoughts. My years On-line as a User and all what I found when I'm here, it was grateful. All and its extended resolutions, I managed to get in touch to a few more people. On-line of course. I started to talk more and more, as it were easy to do it, it was fun.
But then what I feared was coming to approach. But I was prepared to face it, because I knew it by experience... I could talk but then a dissonance of voices, and then the differences turning into a higher point, it becomes something in which, I can't have an idea to overcome this by talking.
Because I make some effort in talking, more if it's an unknown path, I can't make again with the same effort give a back-to-track message, unless certain conditions are met.
One of those conditions is, the person talking to were worried about myself...
Action noted, it could be a message of sorts or some mention. Anything that makes again the connection is enough. Another condition is actually make that back-to-track message, explaining how do you feel. On each part if a retribution is made, the bonding will try its best to regain its power.
Now then, lately I've been a little sleepy, on those stages, I'm more Introverted than anything else, but somehow I over-exceeded my Introversion. I didn't say anything about it, that I would take a break, that I need a great recharge, both physically and emotionally, that I need to deal with some problems, and that I needed more content to share and manage to talk, because I felt I was saying the same all the time.... It's not like it's going to be the same as before, but at least I want to feel comfortable the time I wanted to return.
But, what I wasn't expecting is, people telling me where I am, and how's everything going. A little few got nothing from me, worrying enough to make a state of presence and send me a message. The moment I knew it, I was, first surprised by a normal sudden anxiety from the recovery motion of Re encounter, and then a little frustrated and sad, because of feeling how selfish I was with those people.
I mean, it's not that the User Position is all important, the real world has its own challenges. Amazing challenges :B . But, as explained before, I just went away for a little while, and chaos surrounded the path I made with much effort. It's not like it's destroyed, it's just that I need to build more light to iluminate the path.
The path once made, it can be easily followed with the right compass.
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Buy the console, play Smash Bros!!
It's always been like this.
Let's talk about the game of excellence in terms of competition and fun for many of us nerds who has the love about Nintendo Games: Super Smash Bros. Since I was a child, this was a reason you can play with your friends and have some fun with it. When it comes to smash bros, everyone wants to play it.
I can tell I've play all of those and I love it with each of their features. This is one of the reasons I know more games like MOTHER/Earthbound, Kid Icarus and Animal Crossing, and to know more about other known games like Kirby, Zelda, F-Zero, Yoshi Island, Fire Emblem, Metroid, in recent games Sonic, and many more.
I just saw the recent Nintendo Direct, and I was soo impressed! I know by each generation of consoles, better graphics and movements are a must. But those kind of graphics made me feel to actually play it on that console. I have a Nintendo 3DS, and I was expecting to play it on there, but when I saw all those graphics, my expectations went higher!
Though it may be dumb (and that's the reason of the title), but buying a Wii U to play Smash Bros is going to be the hit of the year, and a Christmas present, I could see it playing it on that day, and I could imagine all of those gamers wanting it for Christmas too, hehe.
And so, what else I can say about it? Despite the expectations of wanting to train for it, the feeling of the graphics and the moves, smash attacks, their special moves and their Final Smash, the new features is something I would expect more. And also playing with my favorite characters, Ness has been one of then, since the fist game I liked to play with him. I think he's a must character, because he's always there.
I want the 3DS game, having a portable smash bros is the most wanted thing, and it would be delightful the graphics would be at least more visual than the Meele version. I wonder who would be the ones who wants to play that with me.
If my brother knows about it, I think he would like it more, after his Mincraft and Bravely Default playing. I need time to play those more :B
Let's talk about the game of excellence in terms of competition and fun for many of us nerds who has the love about Nintendo Games: Super Smash Bros. Since I was a child, this was a reason you can play with your friends and have some fun with it. When it comes to smash bros, everyone wants to play it.
I can tell I've play all of those and I love it with each of their features. This is one of the reasons I know more games like MOTHER/Earthbound, Kid Icarus and Animal Crossing, and to know more about other known games like Kirby, Zelda, F-Zero, Yoshi Island, Fire Emblem, Metroid, in recent games Sonic, and many more.
I just saw the recent Nintendo Direct, and I was soo impressed! I know by each generation of consoles, better graphics and movements are a must. But those kind of graphics made me feel to actually play it on that console. I have a Nintendo 3DS, and I was expecting to play it on there, but when I saw all those graphics, my expectations went higher!
Though it may be dumb (and that's the reason of the title), but buying a Wii U to play Smash Bros is going to be the hit of the year, and a Christmas present, I could see it playing it on that day, and I could imagine all of those gamers wanting it for Christmas too, hehe.
And so, what else I can say about it? Despite the expectations of wanting to train for it, the feeling of the graphics and the moves, smash attacks, their special moves and their Final Smash, the new features is something I would expect more. And also playing with my favorite characters, Ness has been one of then, since the fist game I liked to play with him. I think he's a must character, because he's always there.
I want the 3DS game, having a portable smash bros is the most wanted thing, and it would be delightful the graphics would be at least more visual than the Meele version. I wonder who would be the ones who wants to play that with me.
If my brother knows about it, I think he would like it more, after his Mincraft and Bravely Default playing. I need time to play those more :B
Monday, April 7, 2014
Collective Ponderations of a Monday Morning
Lately the pressure was getting over me again, and even though it was just a matter of not being able to sleep last night, it was still annoying. You are supposed to recover from your sleep and gain more energy to tomorrow. You know important things comes on Mondays and though we might not grasp it at all, all we have to do is have a nice and pleasant dream.
I knew somehow I woke up late last day, and that it wouldn't let me get into a proper sleep. I was just thinking about things. Life, own expectations, a little bit of ranting of myself, and future *place a squidward saying "Future..!"* . Also, people's lives, where am I going to be in the next few years, and how to get all problems solved before the real problem that is surviving life. And also, the always question of who am I, who are the others I see around, who are the people I rarely (but usually for me) hang out or talk to. And also, what dumb/silly things I am doing to impress others, to be admired, or to be envious or to be I the one I can change their lives. It's not like it happens everyday but I'm sure it does :3
That's when later on the day I discovered, I wasn't alone on that thinking. Surprisingly, lots of people got worried that night. People handling work, school things on the morning, people wanting to change things, people overcoming issues and lots of over-thinking, and people just trying to get some time to sleep, maybe by doing other things just to lose time. If they don't need to get up early, maybe they can have this to enjoy.
But, one thing is thinking and thinking about it, and another is not thinking about it at all. And in between thinking and not thinking, I lose time to make big decisions. I could be doing better things instead of thinking it too much, making conclusions is important. But as I said, it's a matter of believing in myself and make other believe in themselves, so that a Motivational Point can be reached and the Flow of Action can be done.
I won't think that people because of their experiences wouldn't take a chance to follow what their believe and follow their dreams, I just think that people are amazing to have a nice talk, or at least share the same things. People on the Internet, in a nice world. I tend to forget I need to get out to see people outside, just to make note this is not as important as everything else in the world. This is only a way I can achieve better things, this is the way I can share my thoughts with you.
With that, I log off, and hope to write more.
I knew somehow I woke up late last day, and that it wouldn't let me get into a proper sleep. I was just thinking about things. Life, own expectations, a little bit of ranting of myself, and future *place a squidward saying "Future..!"* . Also, people's lives, where am I going to be in the next few years, and how to get all problems solved before the real problem that is surviving life. And also, the always question of who am I, who are the others I see around, who are the people I rarely (but usually for me) hang out or talk to. And also, what dumb/silly things I am doing to impress others, to be admired, or to be envious or to be I the one I can change their lives. It's not like it happens everyday but I'm sure it does :3
That's when later on the day I discovered, I wasn't alone on that thinking. Surprisingly, lots of people got worried that night. People handling work, school things on the morning, people wanting to change things, people overcoming issues and lots of over-thinking, and people just trying to get some time to sleep, maybe by doing other things just to lose time. If they don't need to get up early, maybe they can have this to enjoy.
But, one thing is thinking and thinking about it, and another is not thinking about it at all. And in between thinking and not thinking, I lose time to make big decisions. I could be doing better things instead of thinking it too much, making conclusions is important. But as I said, it's a matter of believing in myself and make other believe in themselves, so that a Motivational Point can be reached and the Flow of Action can be done.
I won't think that people because of their experiences wouldn't take a chance to follow what their believe and follow their dreams, I just think that people are amazing to have a nice talk, or at least share the same things. People on the Internet, in a nice world. I tend to forget I need to get out to see people outside, just to make note this is not as important as everything else in the world. This is only a way I can achieve better things, this is the way I can share my thoughts with you.
With that, I log off, and hope to write more.
Monday, March 17, 2014
"Strange Things..."
[I wrote this before my birthday motivation motion...]
Hi, again with this strange things called changes.
(Toy Story reference, in English they say "Strange Things", in Spanish we say "Cambios")
And if I recall, it was because everything was changing to an unexpected world someone would say what's going on. Well, that's what I fear. I'm having up-and-down moments because, I fear everything I have done could go away, just by a single thought in my life. The feeling of why I'm keep doing this? What's my motivation? and who is gonna see what I have done? No one near the position I'm right now knows everything about what I do, what I draw, what I write. I showed ones at one time or another, but they are still in another world different from mine, giving their all to keep surviving in this reality and being a base that supports certain community. If that support didn't exist, my handling of life would be much harder, and I would dislike it even more.
Having trouble overthinking things, not knowing the world I am, because of that, I'm confused. I'm confused on how to act when those kind of situations arise, those social situations combining it with my feeling of sensibility. I mean, I was open to requests and started making conversations, trying to understand the lives of other people, but then, what to do if you give too much to one person?
Even if I try to avoid it, I fail miserably. It's just that when I feel that the other person could be SO AWESOME to have a everyday talk without any feeling of distress from my part or without thinking on hurting someone's feelings with my words, all this thought makes me feel I don't want to take that risk. And thought it would be nice to think about it, when it comes to really do it, is when I get nervous and a little scared.
I got my moments when people's words went through me and I didn't have a proper response about it. People said it, even if they knew what they said or knew how can be the reaction of the other person. And because I know people can't really give a message the way everyone wants to hear, I can tell it's because they are like this, it was the way they wanted to give the message, or at least in most of the way.
What I can see from all of this is the type of tone some people like to hear more from one person than from another, and the proper defense from hearing the messages, if they give you a sense of comfort, or if they give you a sense of discomfort. All experiences involved in the conversations. That's so how people are dealing to other people and tell that their tone of one person is not as much compatible as their own.
Finding compatible tones is difficult, and in most cases the common ones are the ones that normal society has in real life. It's easier. But when you don't naturally have it, it wouldn't be easier, than maybe try to find a easy way to deal with the ones compatible to you. Even though they have nice common things to share, if time-space isn't at one point, if experiences can't be easily shared, if there's a lack of interest on one person, levels of compatibility gets lower.
And to know how is the level of compatibility of one person, we need to know him a little bit deeper than the sharing point they have, up to the point of see if one thing would turn up into a clash against ideas or not. Whatever the result of the collision point would determine if we can handle it or not, and so having to place a limit on how often we should from now on want to treat one person.
Friendship in its pure form is having lots of collision points, with its points getting away from it, and then by the gravitational force they give from their sharing points, return like boomerangs, and reunite again to give again new form of points, either direction given.
I have to give those changes anyway, at least I need to understand well time, and space, and people too. No need to rush, only on the things I can do better, only on the things I necessarily need to rush, but not to other people, because they're more experienced and I have to reach them to be at the same level.
Hi, again with this strange things called changes.
(Toy Story reference, in English they say "Strange Things", in Spanish we say "Cambios")
And if I recall, it was because everything was changing to an unexpected world someone would say what's going on. Well, that's what I fear. I'm having up-and-down moments because, I fear everything I have done could go away, just by a single thought in my life. The feeling of why I'm keep doing this? What's my motivation? and who is gonna see what I have done? No one near the position I'm right now knows everything about what I do, what I draw, what I write. I showed ones at one time or another, but they are still in another world different from mine, giving their all to keep surviving in this reality and being a base that supports certain community. If that support didn't exist, my handling of life would be much harder, and I would dislike it even more.
Having trouble overthinking things, not knowing the world I am, because of that, I'm confused. I'm confused on how to act when those kind of situations arise, those social situations combining it with my feeling of sensibility. I mean, I was open to requests and started making conversations, trying to understand the lives of other people, but then, what to do if you give too much to one person?
Even if I try to avoid it, I fail miserably. It's just that when I feel that the other person could be SO AWESOME to have a everyday talk without any feeling of distress from my part or without thinking on hurting someone's feelings with my words, all this thought makes me feel I don't want to take that risk. And thought it would be nice to think about it, when it comes to really do it, is when I get nervous and a little scared.
I got my moments when people's words went through me and I didn't have a proper response about it. People said it, even if they knew what they said or knew how can be the reaction of the other person. And because I know people can't really give a message the way everyone wants to hear, I can tell it's because they are like this, it was the way they wanted to give the message, or at least in most of the way.
What I can see from all of this is the type of tone some people like to hear more from one person than from another, and the proper defense from hearing the messages, if they give you a sense of comfort, or if they give you a sense of discomfort. All experiences involved in the conversations. That's so how people are dealing to other people and tell that their tone of one person is not as much compatible as their own.
Finding compatible tones is difficult, and in most cases the common ones are the ones that normal society has in real life. It's easier. But when you don't naturally have it, it wouldn't be easier, than maybe try to find a easy way to deal with the ones compatible to you. Even though they have nice common things to share, if time-space isn't at one point, if experiences can't be easily shared, if there's a lack of interest on one person, levels of compatibility gets lower.
And to know how is the level of compatibility of one person, we need to know him a little bit deeper than the sharing point they have, up to the point of see if one thing would turn up into a clash against ideas or not. Whatever the result of the collision point would determine if we can handle it or not, and so having to place a limit on how often we should from now on want to treat one person.
Friendship in its pure form is having lots of collision points, with its points getting away from it, and then by the gravitational force they give from their sharing points, return like boomerangs, and reunite again to give again new form of points, either direction given.
I have to give those changes anyway, at least I need to understand well time, and space, and people too. No need to rush, only on the things I can do better, only on the things I necessarily need to rush, but not to other people, because they're more experienced and I have to reach them to be at the same level.
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Rise of the Birthday Boy
Hello, just had my birthday, and I like it. I don't know why, but I did.
Well, what did I do on this weekend? Kinda busy as a matter of fact. Besides making my drawing (100th drawing >w<) I just got out with some friends on Friday and on Saturday, some I met before and recently, it was quite simple, I'm still struggling with trying to talk fluently with them, my throat got sore with so much talking, I don't usually do that but because of my training skills on typing online, I just got a little better. And then on Sunday, a little bit of 1st Social Relation Reunion, from the few ones we live here on my region. By noon I was finishing my drawing, I was hoping to upload it in the morning but it wasn't finished yet. I just used various tools to make touches on my drawing and give more depth to the shadows and light. At first hours of the day, I was playing Pokemon with another friend online (I got beaten T_T) , also I got a surprise from the Pokemon Center. Nice detail of them. And as I was finishing my drawing they were already a little bit of messages giving me Happy Birthday, and then I got to sleep.
When I got up in the morning, I finished the drawing and then I received chat messages from other people, and then more messages. Hehe you know, people who see it's your birthday and they send you a message. It's kinda nice to receive it. I just like it. And in the afternoon, some birthday cake and afternoon food (it's dinner kinda) as people were gathering at my house, some people came and stayed a bit while at my house. And as I was still receiving more messages and replies, I was giving attention on what they do in my reality world. It was fun.
Then the idea came, I should give myself time to enjoy being there, not only being on the computer all the time. People can wait, they know it's your birthday and you should celebrate with the ones they care the most.
I played a little bit of Minecraft with my younger brother, wanting him to play on the Nether World to go training, and then more kids came and I lend the controller to one of them. And then played a little bit more of Pokemon, giving the needed care to them. And after a little while more, the birthday cake came, everyone ate and as some would attend their school issues, the guests were talking, and I was there. I was saying to myself, some points might be important to reconsider, because in this fast-paced world, we might not have the time to recollect the information needed to go forward to life. And as I was there, I used all my motivation received from the messages and tried to light my little star a little more. I want to go fluently on what I really want to do, on what I really want to say, on what I really want to be, on which places, on which situations or events I want to create or get involved on, and on where I want to be when I need time to calm down.
Life is all ups and downs, and having time to renovate is as important as having a clear mind to to be ready on action at the right time. I'm going ahead in some points, and when I see people like me doing the things I want to do, or when I see people that has a like process to follow as mine, I can get the motivation to follow my path and go through it. It's interesting, life is interesting, and even though I had my moments where I can't see it clear because of accumulated emotions, when I go far away from those thoughts I feel more like me. Having the thought of what I have from now, and look ahead to see if I want to continue on what I'm doing or if I keep a steady pace on each thing I do.
My strong position resides from my Introverted Status, Programming as my Strong position, Drawing as a Ally position, Writing as my constant base that is build and rebuild, renewed and maintained, and a nice flow of the energy required to be in action.
Getting into a more strong way to be on the pace of things, I would like to thank all to those who greet me on this day. I know it's kinda simple, and I know I usually don't do that often, but to the ones who like to be appreciated, that is a special moment to get that recognition. And I know that's kinda dumb but, it really helps, really.
Even though I still have to remind them in a way or another, it's a nice day, for me, it is. And that's why I feel birthdays are special.
Hope to get in touch of people and still be on the go with starting projects this year. And thanks to all who have been talking or being in touch with me.
:3
Well, what did I do on this weekend? Kinda busy as a matter of fact. Besides making my drawing (100th drawing >w<) I just got out with some friends on Friday and on Saturday, some I met before and recently, it was quite simple, I'm still struggling with trying to talk fluently with them, my throat got sore with so much talking, I don't usually do that but because of my training skills on typing online, I just got a little better. And then on Sunday, a little bit of 1st Social Relation Reunion, from the few ones we live here on my region. By noon I was finishing my drawing, I was hoping to upload it in the morning but it wasn't finished yet. I just used various tools to make touches on my drawing and give more depth to the shadows and light. At first hours of the day, I was playing Pokemon with another friend online (I got beaten T_T) , also I got a surprise from the Pokemon Center. Nice detail of them. And as I was finishing my drawing they were already a little bit of messages giving me Happy Birthday, and then I got to sleep.
When I got up in the morning, I finished the drawing and then I received chat messages from other people, and then more messages. Hehe you know, people who see it's your birthday and they send you a message. It's kinda nice to receive it. I just like it. And in the afternoon, some birthday cake and afternoon food (it's dinner kinda) as people were gathering at my house, some people came and stayed a bit while at my house. And as I was still receiving more messages and replies, I was giving attention on what they do in my reality world. It was fun.
Then the idea came, I should give myself time to enjoy being there, not only being on the computer all the time. People can wait, they know it's your birthday and you should celebrate with the ones they care the most.
I played a little bit of Minecraft with my younger brother, wanting him to play on the Nether World to go training, and then more kids came and I lend the controller to one of them. And then played a little bit more of Pokemon, giving the needed care to them. And after a little while more, the birthday cake came, everyone ate and as some would attend their school issues, the guests were talking, and I was there. I was saying to myself, some points might be important to reconsider, because in this fast-paced world, we might not have the time to recollect the information needed to go forward to life. And as I was there, I used all my motivation received from the messages and tried to light my little star a little more. I want to go fluently on what I really want to do, on what I really want to say, on what I really want to be, on which places, on which situations or events I want to create or get involved on, and on where I want to be when I need time to calm down.
Life is all ups and downs, and having time to renovate is as important as having a clear mind to to be ready on action at the right time. I'm going ahead in some points, and when I see people like me doing the things I want to do, or when I see people that has a like process to follow as mine, I can get the motivation to follow my path and go through it. It's interesting, life is interesting, and even though I had my moments where I can't see it clear because of accumulated emotions, when I go far away from those thoughts I feel more like me. Having the thought of what I have from now, and look ahead to see if I want to continue on what I'm doing or if I keep a steady pace on each thing I do.
My strong position resides from my Introverted Status, Programming as my Strong position, Drawing as a Ally position, Writing as my constant base that is build and rebuild, renewed and maintained, and a nice flow of the energy required to be in action.
Getting into a more strong way to be on the pace of things, I would like to thank all to those who greet me on this day. I know it's kinda simple, and I know I usually don't do that often, but to the ones who like to be appreciated, that is a special moment to get that recognition. And I know that's kinda dumb but, it really helps, really.
Even though I still have to remind them in a way or another, it's a nice day, for me, it is. And that's why I feel birthdays are special.
Hope to get in touch of people and still be on the go with starting projects this year. And thanks to all who have been talking or being in touch with me.
:3
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Blue astonishment
Blue astonishment, the misunderstanding of a world that lies outside your world, you still believe that the world is one and everyone is in the same thing together as one. You might be right, but it's just I don't feel it that way. If I were in a same world, I wouldn't feel so different from others.
We're humans, I can know that context well. But the mind has developed a concept of a 'world' definition, and even if 'planet' of 'Earth' could be the same as world, all of what happened has made me a little bit way out of the world, the world everyone seem like it's common to hang out and rely on people and things and goals and events.
I look above and see that invitation of joining that commonness that is their life, their society, their own collective 'world', their worlds shrunken to give a new level of understanding, a social understanding. Their same voice call and the same sound of communication, they talk a language I can't even comprehend....
As fear fills my mind, knowing the reality of things, I know my expectations are way too short, overcome by others illusions passed on by generations and developed by their tremendous amount of social experience they had in their lives.
And here I am, trapped in a world where everyone thinks you're like this, and they they don't care anymore about you, trying to continue struggling in their lives. In a close world where everyone thinks by themselves, a boy wants to get out of his own bubble and look away to the world they live, but even if he doesn't want to lose his own world, he wants to save it, in a form of Light, a condensed light, a shiny star.
Hidden emotions want to be shout out in a way or another way, avoiding to say Help!, avoiding to say Save Me!, because this nonsense 'world' of myself is changing in tremendous directions I'm getting dizzy about it, eventually I'll get tired about all of this. Beaten by the seemingly always event to overcoming some little problem that comes and goes and it's as simple as noticing it. But at the same time, I don't know if I want to be noticed....
They see me, in a way, they have talked about me, in a way, they somehow know me, in a way. But why I haven't done that otherwise? The answer is shyness, and coping with all I think, what others think, and how can I understand better the world, maybe in the way they see it. Somehow I ask, made questions from far away, and try to be better each day.
But then they show themselves, and everything changes, I have to let them know somehow to make some little disruption, to make them understand it's not only them, and their world, somehow I have to let them know I'm still here, and even if suffering will come in this great life step, a very last invitation not to only be part of a social structural node, but to really be part of a position of bonding energy flow and a great generation of motion will decide if I can be still part of their world, and its natural structure of culture.
I see everyone fill the screen with windows, open to the one who wills to talk to them, I just have to decide which ones has a great importance to be happy, and thank the rest who once were part of my life experience, even if I just learnt a little....
I still have so much to learn time is not to waste it.
I don't know what to expect, just to look above and see,
up there, someone might have the answer, or he might not,
it's a matter of truly have strength on myself, and carry on....
We're humans, I can know that context well. But the mind has developed a concept of a 'world' definition, and even if 'planet' of 'Earth' could be the same as world, all of what happened has made me a little bit way out of the world, the world everyone seem like it's common to hang out and rely on people and things and goals and events.
I look above and see that invitation of joining that commonness that is their life, their society, their own collective 'world', their worlds shrunken to give a new level of understanding, a social understanding. Their same voice call and the same sound of communication, they talk a language I can't even comprehend....
As fear fills my mind, knowing the reality of things, I know my expectations are way too short, overcome by others illusions passed on by generations and developed by their tremendous amount of social experience they had in their lives.
And here I am, trapped in a world where everyone thinks you're like this, and they they don't care anymore about you, trying to continue struggling in their lives. In a close world where everyone thinks by themselves, a boy wants to get out of his own bubble and look away to the world they live, but even if he doesn't want to lose his own world, he wants to save it, in a form of Light, a condensed light, a shiny star.
Hidden emotions want to be shout out in a way or another way, avoiding to say Help!, avoiding to say Save Me!, because this nonsense 'world' of myself is changing in tremendous directions I'm getting dizzy about it, eventually I'll get tired about all of this. Beaten by the seemingly always event to overcoming some little problem that comes and goes and it's as simple as noticing it. But at the same time, I don't know if I want to be noticed....
They see me, in a way, they have talked about me, in a way, they somehow know me, in a way. But why I haven't done that otherwise? The answer is shyness, and coping with all I think, what others think, and how can I understand better the world, maybe in the way they see it. Somehow I ask, made questions from far away, and try to be better each day.
But then they show themselves, and everything changes, I have to let them know somehow to make some little disruption, to make them understand it's not only them, and their world, somehow I have to let them know I'm still here, and even if suffering will come in this great life step, a very last invitation not to only be part of a social structural node, but to really be part of a position of bonding energy flow and a great generation of motion will decide if I can be still part of their world, and its natural structure of culture.
I see everyone fill the screen with windows, open to the one who wills to talk to them, I just have to decide which ones has a great importance to be happy, and thank the rest who once were part of my life experience, even if I just learnt a little....
I still have so much to learn time is not to waste it.
I don't know what to expect, just to look above and see,
up there, someone might have the answer, or he might not,
it's a matter of truly have strength on myself, and carry on....
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Luminous Entity
"One, 1, the dot that follows after a strong argument. The node, a point that connects with other nodes. a wandering node who extends its arms to reach others.
A moment, indication of focus that far behind gets the distance of the goal to reach. one goal, one objective, only one person to get, one person to meet, one person to know better, myself....
A single entity, whose starting state is null, is conditioned, tested, evaluated, they don't want null entity; it's created, filled with attributes, data, functions, constructed and packed as a single entity, much components, only a single representation.
Then it's shown to the world, as only one thing, it's easy to find. object.getInstance(), ask again where is the object, then they respond, it's here, and the world sees again the vision of a single portion of data....
The one behind the window, behind the monitor, behind the wall that keeps it in, the being, inside a box, unrelated to anything in this world, to himself, to his relatives, to his bonds, to his experiences, nothing was belonging to him...
My comfort zone, a confined space, nothing else to satisfy than to make sure all around me is free of harm, free of emotion, free of guiltiness, free of all those things that can get you down... All those years I've been like this, no one seemed to notice that. I was trapped inside this physical thing called body; my beliefs and insecurities, my suffering and momentum of true sadness, all kept inside this container....
And they still keep calling object.getInstance(), assuring my object is still there. Whatever assigning a pointer to there is their only option, as long as it still gets true, it was nothing to worry....
After all, I kept all my variables private, without giving a function to know about those, only my parent public function, the inherited class called "Life"....
[Life forced me to inherit that function, without it, my representation to the material world would be a nonsense, like if I didn't exist, not being human..., because, I'm more than just an Entity....]
A moment, indication of focus that far behind gets the distance of the goal to reach. one goal, one objective, only one person to get, one person to meet, one person to know better, myself....
A single entity, whose starting state is null, is conditioned, tested, evaluated, they don't want null entity; it's created, filled with attributes, data, functions, constructed and packed as a single entity, much components, only a single representation.
Then it's shown to the world, as only one thing, it's easy to find. object.getInstance(), ask again where is the object, then they respond, it's here, and the world sees again the vision of a single portion of data....
The one behind the window, behind the monitor, behind the wall that keeps it in, the being, inside a box, unrelated to anything in this world, to himself, to his relatives, to his bonds, to his experiences, nothing was belonging to him...
My comfort zone, a confined space, nothing else to satisfy than to make sure all around me is free of harm, free of emotion, free of guiltiness, free of all those things that can get you down... All those years I've been like this, no one seemed to notice that. I was trapped inside this physical thing called body; my beliefs and insecurities, my suffering and momentum of true sadness, all kept inside this container....
And they still keep calling object.getInstance(), assuring my object is still there. Whatever assigning a pointer to there is their only option, as long as it still gets true, it was nothing to worry....
After all, I kept all my variables private, without giving a function to know about those, only my parent public function, the inherited class called "Life"....
[Life forced me to inherit that function, without it, my representation to the material world would be a nonsense, like if I didn't exist, not being human..., because, I'm more than just an Entity....]
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Arcade Videogames
As I got my hands hurt after a fierce battle of the video games at some home with lots of people, I reminded myself of those games I played long time ago. Those games are old too >//<
That made me imagine all the technology they use to make 2D videogames. Well, the 3 games I'm referring to are:
King of Fighters '99
Metal Slug X
Capcom vs SNK 2
those were the games played, all playable through a play station 2. some were from play station, but it was okay to have it there.
Starting with Capcom vs SNK 2, this was a game a "Great Friend" of mine had, once he invited me to his house to play it a while, and it was fun to play it. I had the chance of actually play it because it was all common in here to play arcade fight-type games. The store nearby had some of those, well, most of the local store had one or two arcade machines to play. I wasn't used to those, because of the money, and because they didn't give me one.... Also, Play Station, I didn't had one at that time. It was cool to know I could see it again and playing it.
Then, Metal Slug X, another arcade game, this one was difficult if you don't have enough skills to clear it, nor the money to actually train and learn more. You only have a few buttons and a bunch of obstacles to pass trough and eliminate. One shot against you and you lose one life, 3 lives lost and you need to continue, with another coin. Again, my expectation of coins were limited though.... On this time, I didn't actually see all the play-through until the very end. I was glad someone let me pass the last level with another 'expert' on this game. Wonder how many years he had this game....
Lastly, King of Fighters '99, I think I had 2000 and 2001 for Play Station 2, but then one of my favorite characters, Athena and Bao, also Mature and Iori, people always want to use Iori, because his attacks are awesome, and maybe their Desperation Moves are easy to do. I saw that too on an arcade machine. It wasn't as difficult to play, I already knew most of the techniques and move buttons of my characters to use. The only problem was the controller stick and the buttons, always difficult to fast-move to properly make an attack.
------------
Those are one of the things one make me wonder, I could actually be a true gamer, but as you can see, if you can't make the sacrifice of the money to play those games, it is like feeling weird to be a gamer, because you haven't got too much experience to show it.
If I feel like a gamer, I should feel the need to spend most of the time playing videogames, but last year was more social-oriented, I don't know if I can't combine both. I think I can, I just need experience to have a good talk, when I need to talk. That's what I think. I shouldn't need to talk if it's not necessary.
Anyway this is what happened last time, and now those games, seems to be guarded one more time, without someone to really play those games. It's like a treasure chest that's easy to find but difficult to get, only the master has the key, and it took it away with him. But for playing those, there are other options available, the only thing needed is time.
That made me imagine all the technology they use to make 2D videogames. Well, the 3 games I'm referring to are:
King of Fighters '99
Metal Slug X
Capcom vs SNK 2
those were the games played, all playable through a play station 2. some were from play station, but it was okay to have it there.
Starting with Capcom vs SNK 2, this was a game a "Great Friend" of mine had, once he invited me to his house to play it a while, and it was fun to play it. I had the chance of actually play it because it was all common in here to play arcade fight-type games. The store nearby had some of those, well, most of the local store had one or two arcade machines to play. I wasn't used to those, because of the money, and because they didn't give me one.... Also, Play Station, I didn't had one at that time. It was cool to know I could see it again and playing it.
Then, Metal Slug X, another arcade game, this one was difficult if you don't have enough skills to clear it, nor the money to actually train and learn more. You only have a few buttons and a bunch of obstacles to pass trough and eliminate. One shot against you and you lose one life, 3 lives lost and you need to continue, with another coin. Again, my expectation of coins were limited though.... On this time, I didn't actually see all the play-through until the very end. I was glad someone let me pass the last level with another 'expert' on this game. Wonder how many years he had this game....
------------
Those are one of the things one make me wonder, I could actually be a true gamer, but as you can see, if you can't make the sacrifice of the money to play those games, it is like feeling weird to be a gamer, because you haven't got too much experience to show it.
If I feel like a gamer, I should feel the need to spend most of the time playing videogames, but last year was more social-oriented, I don't know if I can't combine both. I think I can, I just need experience to have a good talk, when I need to talk. That's what I think. I shouldn't need to talk if it's not necessary.
Anyway this is what happened last time, and now those games, seems to be guarded one more time, without someone to really play those games. It's like a treasure chest that's easy to find but difficult to get, only the master has the key, and it took it away with him. But for playing those, there are other options available, the only thing needed is time.
(And check there are more arcade games I can talk too :3)
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Another February
And let's hope I can do a better me this time :P
[Posted someplace else, because I can :3]
Hello, as I try to draw and write at the same time, and at the same time making a double effort to make a fast mind development and typing trying to make nice ideas as fast as I can, I can say welcome to all of you who visit this place. Really it's a pleasure to have all to visit my gallery, even if we all know there are a lot of us that we can image, maybe I can't imagine such amazing deviants and good people gathering here.
I don't tend to comment too much, because it makes me think, what I see is that it doesn't have to be too well thought of a comment, and something eventually will come out as fluently as you had think it in your mind. All that talking and chatting practice I have made has served me too much. And I appreciate the people once again to put one time of your lives to really visit me here and this gallery. Thanks to all of you.
And, in other news, it's February. In this month, I have always made the tremendous revolutionary Idea of Friendship, with a nice thought of Love. Ever since the Disruption of Motion that made me think on Friends more than anything in this life, I had that characteristic trauma of always be beside a friend and feel its support and its great compassion, and good knowledge of life. I had some friends, real life, and some of them were special to me, though they may not look at it that way. I may be the one my friends were uncomfortable with me, I didn't know that. Maybe they couldn't find in me some special connection with myself and, what could be worse, they didn't have time to make the connection be as active as any other normal friend....
The thing people would state that is as weird as to say I'm occupied and busy dealing with problems in my own life, I can't have the time to look around and see who would need any help.... And even if that's harsh, I understand, people won't have the time for everyone, even if we want to. Even myself want to speak with an infinity of people, and that's impossible. Even if I want a nice computer to deal with all the information, and try it to process it and find new results and all of stuff, I know I can't do it.
There is a delay, a time consumed, a cool down time to process new information again. And all what I need to do is to be as fast as I can to provide information needed. That's what a fast-paced world is.
But one thing is sure, with all the effort I've made lately, I've improved a little bit and I got new methods to deal to different situations in life. Not that I can apply it effectively yet, but I know if I still practice, I can do better things. And when the cool down moment arrives, accept it as such. Crying is allowed, sleeping is allowed. Even doubt a little is allowed. As long as I can feel I can do something for myself, for someone, for everyone.
Even if effort is a hard thing, face the possibilities is one of the mysteries in life, the trill of living, the motivator to make us sure what life can surprise us this time, obviously between our range of our normal life.
Hope you all have a great week, and spend this month reminding what's friendship to you?
[Is a question, you can answer it, I want to know, REALLY want to know, I appreciate it SOO MUCH]
And if you want, what is LOVE to you? [I also want to know.]
Thursday, January 30, 2014
When things are easy enough to do
Hello. I don't know what I am doing right now , but I think I am writing something. Looks like my words are too simple to say sometimes and I can't find a better way to write better things like this. I maybe struggle when I want to say an idea, but then I wonder if I can only do it again.
In fact, I'm having a weird time. Trying to write while the taxi drives me home...
It could be a crazy thing to do that, but in order to get a good idea, I will have to do it this way. I will continue posting regardless of what I can receive as retribution, or at least one or more ways to convince people I'm still here.
And after a day or two trying to write something, I guess it's time for an addition to the data, and a little bit of information. I'm going to redact what are going to be my next postings on here, and I think I have enough elements to make a new design. Not structural design, but at least the background and the header of the blog. Hope to do something good this year. :3
Saturday, January 25, 2014
I can't sleep
And I don't know if that matters.
I feel like a trembling in my emotional zone. Disruption of area by the Impact of a Message, a blow of the mind of someone who can easily throw those ideas effectively without hesitation and doubt. My counter response was nullified, was stopped by my own Resource of Equilibrium before the action was made.
Why could be that, the Internet, having a wide variety of sorts, can be limited on the actions in real life?
The actions made in real life are much huge than the Internet can recollect. Basically all the same thing. Kinda gloomy the last statement. That's why people give meanings and think about it.
A bunch of data saved on servers made by people, the fact that the people have made it has its own repercussions, both in space, and in time, in popularity, and importance by the ones who pointed to that data. Some people don't realize it, what that data could affect in others' minds. I can maintain my own position by the fact that this blog is still ongoing, since its start. But it's popularity isn't as great as others.
I could say nothing is more important than the fact I was making the things wrong since start. Insecurity after insecurity, after a desperation to write something, to express myself, to let out everything of myself, to give all to destroy all those bindings who were limiting myself, emotional and mentally. And also my ability to write things without saying to much. And receive appreciation, and kindness, and nice words, and pageviews, at least if someone could have seen it. It's a plus.
And, I still think that my world that is outside of the screen of the Digital World is still uncomfortable, because mainly all what I do here is not projecting to the Real World, I don't know if my family sees what I do, or what I have done.
I was thinking about having the first 100 drawings I've made so far, and print them, give them a webpage, kind of a showing case/portfolio, even if there're not as professional, or not even in the hobbyist notation, or maybe it might be. Then show it in a place where they can see what I draw, only because it's fun to me to draw. But even I am afraid of showing this to most of the people I know.
I tried, but I think I need to try harder.
But I hope to continue, at least fulfilling this year's resolutions, that aren't clearly made but I can show them.
I feel like a trembling in my emotional zone. Disruption of area by the Impact of a Message, a blow of the mind of someone who can easily throw those ideas effectively without hesitation and doubt. My counter response was nullified, was stopped by my own Resource of Equilibrium before the action was made.
Why could be that, the Internet, having a wide variety of sorts, can be limited on the actions in real life?
The actions made in real life are much huge than the Internet can recollect. Basically all the same thing. Kinda gloomy the last statement. That's why people give meanings and think about it.
A bunch of data saved on servers made by people, the fact that the people have made it has its own repercussions, both in space, and in time, in popularity, and importance by the ones who pointed to that data. Some people don't realize it, what that data could affect in others' minds. I can maintain my own position by the fact that this blog is still ongoing, since its start. But it's popularity isn't as great as others.
I could say nothing is more important than the fact I was making the things wrong since start. Insecurity after insecurity, after a desperation to write something, to express myself, to let out everything of myself, to give all to destroy all those bindings who were limiting myself, emotional and mentally. And also my ability to write things without saying to much. And receive appreciation, and kindness, and nice words, and pageviews, at least if someone could have seen it. It's a plus.
And, I still think that my world that is outside of the screen of the Digital World is still uncomfortable, because mainly all what I do here is not projecting to the Real World, I don't know if my family sees what I do, or what I have done.
I was thinking about having the first 100 drawings I've made so far, and print them, give them a webpage, kind of a showing case/portfolio, even if there're not as professional, or not even in the hobbyist notation, or maybe it might be. Then show it in a place where they can see what I draw, only because it's fun to me to draw. But even I am afraid of showing this to most of the people I know.
I tried, but I think I need to try harder.
But I hope to continue, at least fulfilling this year's resolutions, that aren't clearly made but I can show them.
Sunday, January 5, 2014
And then we have another year:
Alternative Title: Hello 148th post... >////<
And I should address that I haven't got the time to make a final post of the year, where I should have made the stats of the year. I should do it right now.
(I just need to get into my mind how I made the last one)
Since May 1st 2011 I have published with this a total of 148 posts, trying to explain my progressive actions of life about being shy and trying to expose and express myself to the world, sharing what I see and what I learn from you.
Having DeviantArt, twitter, Tumblr deleted but its going to going online again, and other related User-name things, my stand upon the name of Erick Medina as a "Standard Nerd Boy" has provided me motivation to follow my life into making nice things.
Now I have 4 stories, I should make more, maybe double it. I had like 3006 page views overall, minus the 1251 of the overall of last year, so last year was the most visited. The 2 most visited blog post of this year were, "A Majora's Mask Post", and the poem post "The sound of Silence"
Expectation was to finish last year with 128 posts, but time shortage and a lot of things to do (including developer's work >///<) made me wanted to ending in 64 posts, but I just got 51.
What I'll do is, make 12 more posts including this, what I'll name: "The posts I'll should do time ago", in which I would do some posts I could have done at certain age of my life, I'm having a bit of an issue if I plan to do it once in a month, because, of maybe not, if I double again to 128 post expectation, for each month at most I should do 11 posts, so, 12 posts a month is going to be fine. And we could finish it the end of the year at 256 posts. Hehe such a binary nerd >///<
First thing to think is ask if I'll change my background of this post. And then do it, make a little layout change. And think for the first 12 posts of this month. It's January the 5th so we're going to start at a great pace :3 Hope now it works, or maybe I'll try to make a variation if possible.
So, have a nice good year and hope to see you here more often :3
And I should address that I haven't got the time to make a final post of the year, where I should have made the stats of the year. I should do it right now.
(I just need to get into my mind how I made the last one)
Since May 1st 2011 I have published with this a total of 148 posts, trying to explain my progressive actions of life about being shy and trying to expose and express myself to the world, sharing what I see and what I learn from you.
Having DeviantArt, twitter, Tumblr deleted but its going to going online again, and other related User-name things, my stand upon the name of Erick Medina as a "Standard Nerd Boy" has provided me motivation to follow my life into making nice things.
Now I have 4 stories, I should make more, maybe double it. I had like 3006 page views overall, minus the 1251 of the overall of last year, so last year was the most visited. The 2 most visited blog post of this year were, "A Majora's Mask Post", and the poem post "The sound of Silence"
Expectation was to finish last year with 128 posts, but time shortage and a lot of things to do (including developer's work >///<) made me wanted to ending in 64 posts, but I just got 51.
What I'll do is, make 12 more posts including this, what I'll name: "The posts I'll should do time ago", in which I would do some posts I could have done at certain age of my life, I'm having a bit of an issue if I plan to do it once in a month, because, of maybe not, if I double again to 128 post expectation, for each month at most I should do 11 posts, so, 12 posts a month is going to be fine. And we could finish it the end of the year at 256 posts. Hehe such a binary nerd >///<
First thing to think is ask if I'll change my background of this post. And then do it, make a little layout change. And think for the first 12 posts of this month. It's January the 5th so we're going to start at a great pace :3 Hope now it works, or maybe I'll try to make a variation if possible.
So, have a nice good year and hope to see you here more often :3
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