"...,I was still afraid.
Afraid of what?
Afraid of remember bad moments on the past."
Even though my past is still childish and lacking of experience, it's kind of frightening to think I was still afraid of the things I once said I will overcome it. But still today I feel those sensations of fear. I can deal with it better, although a proper response of the past situation didn't get fully done. A missing part of some sort of events that turned me into the person I am now.
"Darn emotions that get hooked on the reason to tell us they have a meaning to be here with us." Because if nothing had happened, no emotion would come out, nor a feeling or memory can make us show a emotion. But that 'nothing' I refer means those events were shocking enough to have some emotion when the event is remembered. Then, when that emotion appears, I feel all dizzy; insecure I can handle all the feeling. Therefore, I try not to remember it, not to face it; not even trying to do those things related that can make me feel. Then, I am afraid....
Then what does this mean to have those unnecessary sensations...? I mean I can still handle it if my reason is strong enough to overcome it, but the sensations won't go away until something can make it go away, or maybe time. A good laugh I suppose, it's like a pressure in the chest, something in need to be liberated from oppression. They say a good laugh to help release the pressure of ourselves.
Was I afraid to express of who I am now? Do I still get that fear from people? I have that sensation, as if I feared people in a way I can’t even talk with them. Lack of confidence I think, but then, but then..., I can’t understand why I can feel the sensation of not doing the expected things. I wonder why my body acts like that....
If it was really a physical issue all the time, then, I should treat it like one, shouldn't I?
But, in order to really think there is a physical issue, I should expose myself to the most daring things in real life for me, and also online. So I can really know if there’s a clear problem about it. I want to find it out.
Still someone who can't fit into any category existing in this world, because of his seemingly lack of confidence, or his variety of likes that seems to be a notorious point of doubt....
A misfit, am I really of that kind? I'm supposed to be of the Nerd-Type, but others can be way above me, so I'm still low to reach it. But this is one of the things I'm going to post later.
