If you can tell, I had another random post, but it was just as incoherent as this one but the last one didn’t wanted to be “of the Month” , so this is.
Why I wanted to write, because I wanted to get out of some random routinely activities I do on each day, so I can be fine as I am now, and I want to feel this way. Knowing nothing about what things other people would do. And I know I can’t get out of my head the ideas I create, but fortunately I’ve been learning to control all of this and focus on the real thing, rather than act on emotional impulse that can made me lose valuable time.
It’s all about having an hour or two by day trying to calm myself to focus on the most important things, but I know I can control it because I’m widening and opening up more to people, the people I have the confidence to talk, and I feel great.
This is going to be short because I want to make a post on the last day of this Month so maybe I can tell a lot more things on that hehe, well, see you then :3
Monday, April 29, 2013
Sunday, April 21, 2013
The sound of Silence
I
Can you hear the Sound of the Silence?
Can you really know what do they say?
Struggling hard inside one's mind
as the world continue sending and receiving
in a lapse of a second.
A fast-paced mind that can see infinite views,
turned against itself when the reason is lost,
leading to fast-paces conclusions
no one ever thought he would think.
In one of those unexpected events,
it came with a single conclusion,
asking itself it it was reasonable
to maintain the broken things left,
to try again the same initiatives,
to apply the learned in something unknown,
to face the same fears over and over again....
There was nothing you can do,
without getting out your comfort zone.
All opened ways are getting to a closing point,
but a scarce few weak ones are still there...
Whatever sound I hear from my headphones right now,
if it touches me, I'll have that sensation of emotion...
II
A narrow area to step on one foot,
and the other stepping on sensitive strings,
each thing I see, I hear, I smell, I touch,
is leading me to fall into dismay....
The matter is unstoppable,
but why I can't move a single finger,
only seeing up above and let time flow,
the flow that everyone else follows....
People talk, people see,
people come, people go,
people and more people,
it's all about them, but:
Where they came from?
How can I find them?
How can I approach them?
How can I feel secure?
Don't care if tears might fall in harmonious flow,
It's only the result of my eternal flaws...
III
If it wasn't for this sensation,
of overwhelming shyness,
I could be the most normal person,
I could be the thing I really wanted to be.
And if it wasn't for those experiences,
those that came from the past,
I would know in which times I was wrong,
I would know in which times not to be insecure.
But instead of throw everything away
and say this's a lost cause and rant,
against everything, against everyone,
and let myself dive into a bottomless pit,
I just won't.
And that didn't came from my parents,
that didn't came from my friends,
that didn't came from my classmates,
nor teachers, nor school, nor else.
It came from myself, the other part,
the one who is immune of all emotion,
the base of MY LIFE, MY WORLD.
Formed once when trying to solve everything.
Word by word, the echoes hurt my mind,
shaking hands that can't stand powerful ideas...
IV
Yeah, who cares if I cry or not,
who cares if I try to be nice every time,
even in the most remote cases,
it wouldn't care if events can be spoiled.
But all that suffering isn't right,
but I'll endure all of it if necessary,
on same situations others would fall,
then they see their problems....
I didn't want to be this way but I see
crying isn't the thing I like to myself
feeling lonely isn't the thing they want,
struggling a lot isn't as normal as it should be.
But here I am, trying to put end ALL of THIS,
even if I can't stand up, I fall constantly,
I won't let my emotions control my life,
I won't let my mind to believe all what I think.
But only one word, the supportive one would help,
until I believe I shouldn't depend on people....
Can you hear the Sound of the Silence?
Can you really know what do they say?
Struggling hard inside one's mind
as the world continue sending and receiving
in a lapse of a second.
A fast-paced mind that can see infinite views,
turned against itself when the reason is lost,
leading to fast-paces conclusions
no one ever thought he would think.
In one of those unexpected events,
it came with a single conclusion,
asking itself it it was reasonable
to maintain the broken things left,
to try again the same initiatives,
to apply the learned in something unknown,
to face the same fears over and over again....
There was nothing you can do,
without getting out your comfort zone.
All opened ways are getting to a closing point,
but a scarce few weak ones are still there...
Whatever sound I hear from my headphones right now,
if it touches me, I'll have that sensation of emotion...
II
A narrow area to step on one foot,
and the other stepping on sensitive strings,
each thing I see, I hear, I smell, I touch,
is leading me to fall into dismay....
The matter is unstoppable,
but why I can't move a single finger,
only seeing up above and let time flow,
the flow that everyone else follows....
People talk, people see,
people come, people go,
people and more people,
it's all about them, but:
Where they came from?
How can I find them?
How can I approach them?
How can I feel secure?
Don't care if tears might fall in harmonious flow,
It's only the result of my eternal flaws...
III
If it wasn't for this sensation,
of overwhelming shyness,
I could be the most normal person,
I could be the thing I really wanted to be.
And if it wasn't for those experiences,
those that came from the past,
I would know in which times I was wrong,
I would know in which times not to be insecure.
But instead of throw everything away
and say this's a lost cause and rant,
against everything, against everyone,
and let myself dive into a bottomless pit,
I just won't.
And that didn't came from my parents,
that didn't came from my friends,
that didn't came from my classmates,
nor teachers, nor school, nor else.
It came from myself, the other part,
the one who is immune of all emotion,
the base of MY LIFE, MY WORLD.
Formed once when trying to solve everything.
Word by word, the echoes hurt my mind,
shaking hands that can't stand powerful ideas...
IV
Yeah, who cares if I cry or not,
who cares if I try to be nice every time,
even in the most remote cases,
it wouldn't care if events can be spoiled.
But all that suffering isn't right,
but I'll endure all of it if necessary,
on same situations others would fall,
then they see their problems....
I didn't want to be this way but I see
crying isn't the thing I like to myself
feeling lonely isn't the thing they want,
struggling a lot isn't as normal as it should be.
But here I am, trying to put end ALL of THIS,
even if I can't stand up, I fall constantly,
I won't let my emotions control my life,
I won't let my mind to believe all what I think.
But only one word, the supportive one would help,
until I believe I shouldn't depend on people....
Friday, April 5, 2013
Random Post of I don't know
It's not that I don't understand or something, it's just that I can feel how weird things are going on and how would end up eventually.
The thing most people wouldn't see it clearly is sad for me, because I don't know if the things I would say for Motivation Point can be as effective and powerful.
But then I remind I don't have anyone near me and my fear of rejection gets too high, but they don't know how their actions could affect someone, but it's know that I have to remind this everyday so we can have some nice conversations. I feel that I could annoy them and then end up rejecting me. So I've always been careful for that.
My position doesn't want to make direct ideas because when I receive one, even if it's not directed towards you, I still fell sad about it, because of thinking of how it would feel to be there in that place. I just can't handle it, I lose concentration (which I don't like it) I put my focus towards recovering my stability of emotion and restoring the thing I was doing before. It takes a long time.
Feeling that your attribution gets rebounded towards you is hurtful, because it's energy to use and if you rebound energy in a counter direction, it just adds up more energy that isn't needed..., but still, I don't know how people feels so I don't know how DIRECT and MEANINGFUL their words are, I just don't know, they just don't know.
And I know if I get to overcome shyness and become better person, I'll have to face things that I can't possibly imagine, things normal people do everyday, things that I don't usually do. And that I can't be as personal as others can do, but still even if COMPUTER ENGINEERING doesn't need a lot of SOCIAL INTERACTION...!!
, I'm still making my best.
Even if it hurts.
It's silly to think that I'm just a silly boy that suffers from trying to get new friends, and my Introversion just can't make me think of everybody, but this feeling of Having Friends is just still there, I just can't ignore it, and therefore I have to do it because I don't know, there is that special meaning of finding something special, something that can make you happier I don't know..., if it weren't on my head banging with those ideas, I wouldn't care.
But the thing is that I DO. That's why I'm here, and that's why I'm not going to give up, because Base Establishment, based on mostly objective-positive thoughts and ideas, says that I can't be negative on myself and that I can try with different options.
I know I can be better, so does everyone else, and if I were to break subjective ideologies to make to the right sense of the idea, it would hurt but all because of my sensation of Friendship and stuff.
I don't have an image of motivation or a finishing positive move but I can say something...:
Everyone. Likes. Things...
(But I'm not your friend anyway...)
Richie:"That not a FINISHING MOVE!!, say something more productive than that"
Erick:" You!"
Richie:"That's not a thing...."
Erick:"No, I mean, this is a better finishing move"
Richie:"You can't just think negative things out of nowhere..."
Erick:"But, I can't help it..."
Richie:"But you can't just express it that way..."
Erick:" But how if only the things I hear is the wind and void things and deterministic and firm statements of..."
Richie:"Meh!!, you are just here because..."
Erick:"Because I want everyone to be happy....?"
Richie:"Exactly, even with your kinda cold personality..."
Erick:"How can I be cold, if I get feelings about things...."
Richie:"Well, your emotions towards your Friendship Ideology is something but if you take out that...."
Erick:"That's why I won't take it out!!"
Richie:"OK, I think you have your point no?"
Erick:"I think so...."
Richie:"Ok then hehe"
Erick:"Only they can understand this.... hehe"
Richie:"Say something nice"
Erick:" I won't say potato, I'll put it on a random comment"
Random Post of the day
Even if I can't say my life here, I hope to consider my point of view, think of Neil Gaiman, great guy, and astro Teemo, and BMO and Ulala dancing with Michael Jackson and Pikachu.
Everybody loves Pikachu.... :3
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