"Strange Things..."

[I wrote this before my birthday motivation motion...]

Hi, again with this strange things called changes.

(Toy Story reference, in English they say "Strange Things", in Spanish we say "Cambios")

    And if I recall, it was because everything was changing to an unexpected world someone would say what's going on. Well, that's what I fear. I'm having up-and-down moments because, I fear everything I have done could go away, just by a single thought in my life. The feeling of why I'm keep doing this? What's my motivation? and who is gonna see what I have done? No one near the position I'm right now knows everything about what I do, what I draw, what I write. I showed ones at one time or another, but they are still in another world different from mine, giving their all to keep surviving in this reality and being a base that supports certain community. If that support didn't exist, my handling of life would be much harder, and I would dislike it even more.

    Having trouble overthinking things, not knowing the world I am, because of that, I'm confused. I'm confused on how to act when those kind of situations arise, those social situations combining it with my feeling of sensibility. I mean, I was open to requests and started making conversations, trying to understand the lives of other people, but then, what to do if you give too much to one person?

    Even if I try to avoid it, I fail miserably. It's just that when I feel that the other person could be SO AWESOME to have a everyday talk without any feeling of distress from my part or without thinking on hurting someone's feelings with my words, all this thought makes me feel I don't want to take that risk. And thought it would be nice to think about it, when it comes to really do it, is when I get nervous and a little scared.

    I got my moments when people's words went through me and I didn't have a proper response about it. People said it, even if they knew what they said or knew how can be the reaction of the other person. And because I know people can't really give a message the way everyone wants to hear, I can tell it's because they are like this, it was the way they wanted to give the message, or at least in most of the way.

    What I can see from all of this is the type of tone some people like to hear more from one person than from another, and the proper defense from hearing the messages, if they give you a sense of comfort, or if they give you a sense of discomfort. All experiences involved in the conversations. That's so how people are dealing to other people and tell that their tone of one person is not as much compatible as their own.

    Finding compatible tones is difficult, and in most cases the common ones are the ones that normal society has in real life. It's easier. But when you don't naturally have it, it wouldn't be easier, than maybe try to find a easy way to deal with the ones compatible to you. Even though they have nice common things to share, if time-space isn't at one point, if experiences can't be easily shared, if there's a lack of interest on one person, levels of compatibility gets lower.

    And to know how is the level of compatibility of one person, we need to know him a little bit deeper than the sharing point they have, up to the point of see if one thing would turn up into a clash against ideas or not. Whatever the result of the collision point would determine if we can handle it or not, and so having to place a limit on how often we should from now on want to treat one person.

    Friendship in its pure form is having lots of collision points, with its points getting away from it, and then by the gravitational force they give from their sharing points, return like boomerangs, and reunite again to give again new form of points, either direction given.

    I have to give those changes anyway, at least I need to understand well time, and space, and people too. No need to rush, only on the things I can do better, only on the things I necessarily need to rush, but not to other people, because they're more experienced and I have to reach them to be at the same level.

Rise of the Birthday Boy

Hello, just had my birthday, and I like it. I don't know why, but I did.

    Well, what did I do on this weekend? Kinda busy as a matter of fact. Besides making my drawing (100th drawing >w<) I just got out with some friends on Friday and on Saturday, some I met before and recently, it was quite simple, I'm still struggling with trying to talk fluently with them, my throat got sore with so much talking, I don't usually do that but because of my training skills on typing online, I just got a little better. And then on Sunday, a little bit of 1st Social Relation Reunion, from the few ones we live here on my region. By noon I was finishing my drawing, I was hoping to upload it in the morning but it wasn't finished yet. I just used various tools to make touches on my drawing and give more depth to the shadows and light. At first hours of the day, I was playing Pokemon with another friend online (I got beaten T_T) , also I got a surprise from the Pokemon Center. Nice detail of them. And as I was finishing my drawing they were already a little bit of messages giving me Happy Birthday, and then I got to sleep.

    When I got up in the morning, I finished the drawing and then I received chat messages from other people, and then more messages. Hehe you know, people who see it's your birthday and they send you a message. It's kinda nice to receive it. I just like it. And in the afternoon, some birthday cake and afternoon food (it's dinner kinda) as people were gathering at my house, some people came and stayed a bit while at my house. And as I was still receiving more messages and replies, I was giving attention on what they do in my reality world. It was fun.

    Then the idea came, I should give myself time to enjoy being there, not only being on the computer all the time. People can wait, they know it's your birthday and you should celebrate with the ones they care the most.

    I played a little bit of Minecraft with my younger brother, wanting him to play on the Nether World to go training, and then more kids came and I lend the controller to one of them. And then played a little bit more of Pokemon, giving the needed care to them. And after a little while more, the birthday cake came, everyone ate and as some would attend their school issues, the guests were talking, and I was there. I was saying to myself, some points might be important to reconsider, because in this fast-paced world, we might not have the time to recollect the information needed to go forward to life. And as I was there, I used all my motivation received from the messages and tried to light my little star a little more. I want to go fluently on what I really want to do, on what I really want to say, on what I really want to be, on which places, on which situations or events I want to create or get involved on, and on where I want to be when I need time to calm down.

    Life is all ups and downs, and having time to renovate is as important as having a clear mind to to be ready on action at the right time. I'm going ahead in some points, and when I see people like me doing the things I want to do, or when I see people that has a like process to follow as mine, I can get the motivation to follow my path and go through it. It's interesting, life is interesting, and even though I had my moments where I can't see it clear because of accumulated emotions, when I go far away from those thoughts I feel more like me. Having the thought of what I have from now, and look ahead to see if I want to continue on what I'm doing or if I keep a steady pace on each thing I do.

    My strong position resides from my Introverted Status, Programming as my Strong position, Drawing as a Ally position, Writing as my constant base that is build and rebuild, renewed and maintained, and a nice flow of the energy required to be in action.

    Getting into a more strong way to be on the pace of things, I would like to thank all to those who greet me on this day. I know it's kinda simple, and I know I usually don't do that often, but to the ones who like to be appreciated, that is a special moment to get that recognition. And I know that's kinda dumb but, it really helps, really.

    Even though I still have to remind them in a way or another, it's a nice day, for me, it is. And that's why I feel birthdays are special.

    Hope to get in touch of people and still be on the go with starting projects this year. And thanks to all who have been talking or being in touch with me.

:3

Blue astonishment

Blue astonishment, the misunderstanding of a world that lies outside your world, you still believe that the world is one and everyone is in the same thing together as one. You might be right, but it's just I don't feel it that way. If I were in a same world, I wouldn't feel so different from others.

We're humans, I can know that context well. But the mind has developed a concept of a 'world' definition, and even if 'planet' of 'Earth' could be the same as world, all of what happened has made me a little bit way out of the world, the world everyone seem like it's common to hang out and rely on people and things and goals and events.

I look above and see that invitation of joining that commonness that is their life, their society, their own collective 'world', their worlds shrunken to give a new level of understanding, a social understanding. Their same voice call and the same sound of communication, they talk a language I can't even comprehend....
As fear fills my mind, knowing the reality of things, I know my expectations are way too short, overcome by others illusions passed on by generations and developed by their tremendous amount of social experience they had in their lives.

And here I am, trapped in a world where everyone thinks you're like this, and they they don't care anymore about you, trying to continue struggling in their lives. In a close world where everyone thinks by themselves, a boy wants to get out of his own bubble and look away to the world they live, but even if he doesn't want to lose his own world, he wants to save it, in a form of Light, a condensed light, a shiny star.

Hidden emotions want to be shout out in a way or another way, avoiding to say Help!, avoiding to say Save Me!, because this nonsense 'world' of myself is changing in tremendous directions I'm getting dizzy about it, eventually I'll get tired about all of this. Beaten by the seemingly always event to overcoming some little problem that comes and goes and it's as simple as noticing it. But at the same time, I don't know if I want to be noticed....

They see me, in a way, they have talked about me, in a way, they somehow know me, in a way. But why I haven't done that otherwise? The answer is shyness, and coping with all I think, what others think, and how can I understand better the world, maybe in the way they see it. Somehow I ask, made questions from far away, and try to be better each day.

But then they show themselves, and everything changes, I have to let them know somehow to make some little disruption, to make them understand it's not only them, and their world, somehow I have to let them know I'm still here, and even if suffering will come in this great life step, a very last invitation not to only be part of a social structural node, but to really be part of a position of bonding energy flow and a great generation of motion will decide if I can be still part of their world, and its natural structure of culture.

I see everyone fill the screen with windows, open to the one who wills to talk to them, I just have to decide which ones has a great importance to be happy, and thank the rest who once were part of my life experience, even if I just learnt a little....

I still have so much to learn time is not to waste it.
I don't know what to expect, just to look above and see,
up there, someone might have the answer, or he might not,
it's a matter of truly have strength on myself, and carry on....