[I wrote this before my birthday motivation motion...]
Hi, again with this strange things called changes.
(Toy Story reference, in English they say "Strange Things", in Spanish we say "Cambios")
And if I recall, it was because everything was changing to an unexpected world someone would say what's going on. Well, that's what I fear. I'm having up-and-down moments because, I fear everything I have done could go away, just by a single thought in my life. The feeling of why I'm keep doing this? What's my motivation? and who is gonna see what I have done? No one near the position I'm right now knows everything about what I do, what I draw, what I write. I showed ones at one time or another, but they are still in another world different from mine, giving their all to keep surviving in this reality and being a base that supports certain community. If that support didn't exist, my handling of life would be much harder, and I would dislike it even more.
Having trouble overthinking things, not knowing the world I am, because of that, I'm confused. I'm confused on how to act when those kind of situations arise, those social situations combining it with my feeling of sensibility. I mean, I was open to requests and started making conversations, trying to understand the lives of other people, but then, what to do if you give too much to one person?
Even if I try to avoid it, I fail miserably. It's just that when I feel that the other person could be SO AWESOME to have a everyday talk without any feeling of distress from my part or without thinking on hurting someone's feelings with my words, all this thought makes me feel I don't want to take that risk. And thought it would be nice to think about it, when it comes to really do it, is when I get nervous and a little scared.
I got my moments when people's words went through me and I didn't have a proper response about it. People said it, even if they knew what they said or knew how can be the reaction of the other person. And because I know people can't really give a message the way everyone wants to hear, I can tell it's because they are like this, it was the way they wanted to give the message, or at least in most of the way.
What I can see from all of this is the type of tone some people like to hear more from one person than from another, and the proper defense from hearing the messages, if they give you a sense of comfort, or if they give you a sense of discomfort. All experiences involved in the conversations. That's so how people are dealing to other people and tell that their tone of one person is not as much compatible as their own.
Finding compatible tones is difficult, and in most cases the common ones are the ones that normal society has in real life. It's easier. But when you don't naturally have it, it wouldn't be easier, than maybe try to find a easy way to deal with the ones compatible to you. Even though they have nice common things to share, if time-space isn't at one point, if experiences can't be easily shared, if there's a lack of interest on one person, levels of compatibility gets lower.
And to know how is the level of compatibility of one person, we need to know him a little bit deeper than the sharing point they have, up to the point of see if one thing would turn up into a clash against ideas or not. Whatever the result of the collision point would determine if we can handle it or not, and so having to place a limit on how often we should from now on want to treat one person.
Friendship in its pure form is having lots of collision points, with its points getting away from it, and then by the gravitational force they give from their sharing points, return like boomerangs, and reunite again to give again new form of points, either direction given.
I have to give those changes anyway, at least I need to understand well time, and space, and people too. No need to rush, only on the things I can do better, only on the things I necessarily need to rush, but not to other people, because they're more experienced and I have to reach them to be at the same level.
