Last week of the year is here now, and I'm using my position of User giving the name of Erick Medina, a.k.a. StndNerdBoy11, publishing on a kinda forgotten blog, "A Nerd's Adventure", making statements about this year, based on lots of experiences.
This year has been one with lots of changes and adaptations, if I'm still saying evolution has been a tough process is because of those changes, unexpected changes, unthinkable changes, things I have been not considering. It's not that this year hasn't been productive, in fact, well, if some things weren't done as expected, all what results are just learnings of life, and knowledge recollection.
But I can say, I've been through lots of things. I hope in this I can explain most of it:
Starting the year, I wasn't expecting too much of anything, just living a normal productive day-life as a developer, making programs as a main, drawing and writing as a hobby. I was a boy, I'm still a boy, not that I wanted to look it into that perspective but, I was of the kind of the ones that its only there when needed, nothing more productive than that. In a way, it was unproductive and far from the mission I was undertaking, putting aside the main part. There was a lot of learning from that though, organization of code and team structure, it wasn't hard. But then, I don't know if it was me or it was the others, somehow I didn't fit in them. It's not purely because of introversion, because of some limiting things I have it was supposed to overcome on the daily basis. I think I was going to learn how to be noticed on trial and error. But most of the time, they let me be, they weren't precise what to do, they were in a way ignoring me. Even though I was feeling fine I could do lots of things, in a way not doing a real thing to do was frustrating and it was leading me to no where.
Meanwhile, you know I have made nice drawings on my deviantArt account, mostly covering main characters, some after-year expression, happiness on the show, my birthday (that drawing looks awesome), some commission and contest entry and then some entries of the world cup.
But by the time "Frustration over Passion" was made, a bending of events was emerged.
A disruption of the bonding protection happened, on one of the many dimensions far away. Not giving any details about it, but there is one thing to know, when that happens, everything trembles, and in real life, that hurt me. As a User-type, one is willing to protect the boundary and the actions and channel the energy to positive towards its followers and known people. Knowing that a common bond is broken and not accessible anymore, meaning a response from the destination was not received, it really questions the power and the use someone is giving to the people to use it. But I guess that was the thing I couldn't made a lot of effort because of things. I don't want to feel guilty about it, because somehow I know, there is no need for me to act on this aspect.
But putting aside the disruption of the bonding protection, it wasn't the mere event, but of how common it was with the main part, how I wanna achieve things, and how important life is, and what not to do.... Looking it that way, it's hard to grasp it.
From that part, there was a misleading handling and a main position of keep the change and feel a goal must be achieved to feel something was doing right on this year. Not to say each day we don't achieve anything, but then its normal to feel we need to get higher, its in our human nature. Motivated by the Social First achievements of mid-year, it was time for me to do my own.
Based on what I have done, I told myself to go higher into new positions, and if necessary, make some sacrifices that won't affect lots of my everyday doing. So by the end of the third trimester, by the opportunity and help of the main Social Second, I decided to change what I was doing with the development of software, at least to feel more into my zone and be more productive. That process, was so difficult to make, because it was my first time, and because of the unexpected situations it could arise from that. So, in order to do that, all my focus went to maintain my own emotional thoughts into overcome real shyness and trembling, serious real social talking, and authority confrontation if necessary.
I still wonder how did I manage to do that, I still wonder if it was the right decision, because sacrifices of time/space were made. If all 2013 was difficult to me to draw because of other issues than 2012, this year it was a little even more difficult. Gaming, new opening of bondings, emotional channeling, frustration on the wait, lots of real issues to attend and space invasion in order to get a little more space in the end. I was in stand-by, but still blinking in light. It was still a moment of transition but, low-profile.
By the time the process was done, I was ready to start fresh new, with things I would know actually and with people I could gladly interact without a hassle, despite of what would they say. I would say on that part, it has been great. And somehow I found a point where I can happily do and share. I can say a symbolic evolution was opened to be reclaimed. The last 3 months, it was, waiting for the process of the new main to be made, Social First encounters, a November of adaptation and a December of structuring. Time has been a rival to face, but then, these last two weeks are to make peace with time. I'm not Page of Time for nothing :P
My mission here now is, for the next new year to come, is to return my normals before the third trimester, handle the process crystal clear, generate a revolution of ideas, handle the input and output of data, social data, notifications, requirements, in an objective positive way, take some notes on what to change and what to keep or discard. I'm still nervous and afraid I can't go through all of it, and in a way I kept on upgrading what I need to fulfill those needs.
I feel, expectations are forming for the next year, because, I really want to show all, what I can really do. It's just a matter of motivation and support of all of you, and the will to keep forward.
For now, I can take this moment to organize everything and make a good restart this next year.
Thanks to all of you for going with me this year!
Thursday, December 25, 2014
Monday, December 1, 2014
Introversion strikes again
Hello, how are all of you? If you come from some link I sent lately, welcome to my blog. As you can see, I haven't got any time to update it, even though my position of user is still active with some tweets and some drawings. My evolution process has been not as visual as I really wanted. In fact this has been the year of changes, lots of changes, no real project could have been mantained up to the point to change again and in its basics. But one thing to say is that changes has been to provide a better form of user data content. So, maybe I might update this thing for a little while longer, while I have the inspiration to do it.
This inspiration, however, is the result of me being Introverted again. Why I say that? It's not because of myself in my entire position, because of the people that might imagine that part of myself. Let me explain.
Opening the gates of my social status, I have been learning a lot of things this year. Eventually there is the time to apply it and make a good use of it, then having the right tools of written expression and generation of ideas, I would get more fluent on my writing and thus making good responses and comments and even go a little bit more of my usual self. While certain requirements were occuring, I struggled to maintain that gate opening, and so being more introverted, or that is what I'm thinking.
You see, I might talk to lots of people and then talk to them again, and then try to make a good response of it, and then, kinda not make a response, neither an appearance of sorts, neither try to understand usual nonsense they might say they might want they want to do. All the things happened when the pressure of reality grew stronger against me.
Trying not to step back from it, I reminded myself of some sort of waiting progress, a long-waiting one, were doubts appeared suddenly and without advice, those ideas were blinding me and then trying to step back from usual modes. And to complicate things a little, looking the gloomy process I had to do, fearing of a data disruption that was more of a destructive force to my central position in which its essence was being heavily smashed but greatly defended, had to safeguard on my most developed form of data structured, like a pong trying to deliver a ball full of ideas and retributions and experience from other forms of data.
But then leaving behind things are kinda weird, but also normal becasue, running away because I can't handle my own emotions has been my own speciality. Not that I like it but I can't help trying to say something, especially if wanting to reach someone and not knowing what to do. At first it was only a few ones, being mostly rejected by them, now it has ben way more that that, and the response rate increased a little but still rejections were unavoidable, but still, I felt I made some progress.
Now I felt my introversion went in a high position because I don't feel the need of talking to people, because when I have the necesary things to feel happy, anything else could care less. One of those this are programming, and not any type of programming, good serious programming and game oriented, that was a satisfying thing to do. Drawing and playing games were another one. I can keep with that without any recess shyness and embarrassment nor people nor teamwork to do. It's just about me.
And before anything else, it's not that I don't like being with people, because my years of wanting to do that wouldn't be worth it. It's just that the power of people is greater of influence than others, and I should be prepared to deal with it.
There is something though. There is gonna be a moment I feel the need to channel all that introverted feeling and put order on everything so I can act as before with the add-ons of last things. It's only a matter of wait and know what to do to recover all those things left behind.
If I resguard myself from them is becasue I'm introverted and I need it.
But sure I need to know how to recover to normal all that bonding
This inspiration, however, is the result of me being Introverted again. Why I say that? It's not because of myself in my entire position, because of the people that might imagine that part of myself. Let me explain.
Opening the gates of my social status, I have been learning a lot of things this year. Eventually there is the time to apply it and make a good use of it, then having the right tools of written expression and generation of ideas, I would get more fluent on my writing and thus making good responses and comments and even go a little bit more of my usual self. While certain requirements were occuring, I struggled to maintain that gate opening, and so being more introverted, or that is what I'm thinking.
You see, I might talk to lots of people and then talk to them again, and then try to make a good response of it, and then, kinda not make a response, neither an appearance of sorts, neither try to understand usual nonsense they might say they might want they want to do. All the things happened when the pressure of reality grew stronger against me.
Trying not to step back from it, I reminded myself of some sort of waiting progress, a long-waiting one, were doubts appeared suddenly and without advice, those ideas were blinding me and then trying to step back from usual modes. And to complicate things a little, looking the gloomy process I had to do, fearing of a data disruption that was more of a destructive force to my central position in which its essence was being heavily smashed but greatly defended, had to safeguard on my most developed form of data structured, like a pong trying to deliver a ball full of ideas and retributions and experience from other forms of data.
But then leaving behind things are kinda weird, but also normal becasue, running away because I can't handle my own emotions has been my own speciality. Not that I like it but I can't help trying to say something, especially if wanting to reach someone and not knowing what to do. At first it was only a few ones, being mostly rejected by them, now it has ben way more that that, and the response rate increased a little but still rejections were unavoidable, but still, I felt I made some progress.
Now I felt my introversion went in a high position because I don't feel the need of talking to people, because when I have the necesary things to feel happy, anything else could care less. One of those this are programming, and not any type of programming, good serious programming and game oriented, that was a satisfying thing to do. Drawing and playing games were another one. I can keep with that without any recess shyness and embarrassment nor people nor teamwork to do. It's just about me.
And before anything else, it's not that I don't like being with people, because my years of wanting to do that wouldn't be worth it. It's just that the power of people is greater of influence than others, and I should be prepared to deal with it.
There is something though. There is gonna be a moment I feel the need to channel all that introverted feeling and put order on everything so I can act as before with the add-ons of last things. It's only a matter of wait and know what to do to recover all those things left behind.
If I resguard myself from them is becasue I'm introverted and I need it.
But sure I need to know how to recover to normal all that bonding
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)