I’m having a lot of struggle in my life, in any aspect of me, something that is supposed to be done, something that has to happen. The worst part is that my mind cannot accept it, in some way. I know a big change is about to happen and I’m feeling that I’m not prepared to take all of this, maybe because of insecurity, maybe because of usual Introversion, maybe because of fear, maybe because I wasn't a normal boy, maybe because I had not the experience from normal activities from friends or else. And I feel like frustrated feeling that even with all my efforts and all of my attributions and focus and motivations. My always lack of experience will make my mind doubt.
Why can’t accept it? Because I must surrender a lot of things, take a lot of things as done, finish what I couldn't finish at other time, with other result, an unexpected result, but it must be done. I don’t feel sometimes that the time flow is normal. I can be lost for long periods of time, wandering out of the nowhere, it seems weird, but I don’t care a lot. Only evading the everyday pressure, and getting a lot of insecurities and doubts in a determined time.
I can feel a little bit of depression of emotions, a little bit of emotional alteration, a little bit of lack of reason, a little bit of absentmindedness. Even though my base and my Near Position are quite maintainable, feeling all of this anyway is quite uneventful. It’s not that it must happen every day, or once a week. I can only feel how I get deep and deep and not wanting to do anything else.
I don’t know how to talk about all of this, because it’s only an event, not of everyday issue. I know I have this problem and somehow a solution must be done.
Meh, even in here I’m not sure how to continue.... :I, I just have to maintain my main position.
Ok, my reason to write this post is gone, maybe because of being a little tired, hopefully I get more inspiration, and I’ll search and write it out.
By the way, in case you didn't noticed, we have passed the 2nd Anniversary of the start of the first blog, so yeah, I did remember it, just that I didn't have the chance of writing something about it. :P
