I’m having issues, strong issues, about how to handle the reacts of people when I say something I want for myself. There’s something I have to deal with, but that something comes rarely in my life. I feel like needing to have more chances of talking with new people, so I can deal with the ones I can’t feel comfortable with them.
You know, when meeting people, I feel like not being interested, and maybe I have this issue of not showing interest on people at all. It is because I don’t know who I am going to talk the most of the time. I’m not of the normal people who go to parties and related things; I have certain interests like playing videogames and computers and programming. I feel like not needing to talk about something else.
Yesterday was weird because of a certain moment I had to deal when being in a closed space with another person. Imagine you in a car with some other people you don’t know. What would you do? I felt very shy at that moment. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t have any interesting thing to say to him because I could know in his face what I do isn’t interesting to him. But I feel that at those moments there, I felt weird being quiet, where I was supposed to talk something useful.
Today was getting a little bit worse, how can I suppose to talk about my needs when I can’t feel the trust on the people I need to talk to? Imagine this time you cannot move, you feel stuck in a wave of ideas, most of it nonsense. You don’t want to face something you don’t want. And people seem to not understand your ramblings about evading actions because you need to attend other activities and you feel awful and confused.
I should finish this post somehow so I leave it here for now.
Or maybe continuing it in another post.
